Well, it’s that time of year again. Time when my school shuts down and gives me a whole week off. So you know what that means, right?
No, it doesn’t mean I’ll be painting. (I heard that.)
It does mean that I will be going on a little trip and more than likely not blogging. But when I return I will have lots of pictures of really, really important things. Like this memorable one from London.

Or this one from Buckingham Palace.

Or this one.
I like to call this “I Don’t Eat Stinky Fish.”

So for the sheer zany fun of it, I’m going to give you some clues to where I’m going. Won’t that be fun?
1. There are only 12 letters in their alphabet.
2. They have their own time zone. (Which is going to be all kinds of crazy, sleep-depriving fun.)
3. According to some stats, there are no racial majorities. Every ethnic group there is a minority. Since I’m in the ethnic minority of “Super White, White Chick,” that makes me feel better.
4. Technically this is the largest city in the world.
5. There was once a leper colony in this general region. There’s probably a museum oozing with the details…
6. My name there is: Kini or Kinipela.
7. These people like them some Spam. (Total give away!)

So it should be easy to guess now. Anyway, I’ll be gone for a week. In my absence, I’ll be leaving my cat to write in my stead.
“While you’re gone the kitty-sitter and I are totally gonna throw back some Dasanis, bat around the stuffed mouse, and debate the oil crisis. And hairballs…there will be hairballs involved.”

Actually in my place I will be leaving a preview chapter of the last in the Katie Parker Production series, The Big Picture. The book comes out around April 15-ish. It’s gonna be big stuff. Already Pulitzer has contacted me. Oprah, too. But I want to stay humble, so I’ve turned them all down. Just tryin’ to keep it real.

Have a great week.
Kinipela.

So this weekend I had my annual church retreat in Branson, MO. If you haven’t been to Branson, you should definitely go. Maybe not when it’s 35 degrees like I did, but it’s something to see. It’s like the generic, Rated G version of Vegas. And really–once is all it takes. Anytime I see pop references to Branson, MO on TV, I’m always so excited. “Oh, my gosh! I’ve been there!” Unlike when they mention locales like L.A., Chicago, Seattle. Those cities are so overrated! They don’t have stores that sell t-shirts for 5 for $5.00 or a knife outlet or comedians that pick the banjo with their feet. Now that’s culture.

We stayed in these really nice cabin-like condos. They were filled to the brim with stuffed animals. And I don’t mean the cute, cuddly teddy bear variety. I mean the kind whose eyes seem to follow you and whose antlers take up the whole kitchen. (Seriously, do dead animals belong in the kitchen?) Here’s a stuffed guy I never quite figured out.
“I don’t know what I am. I’m so confused. I’m kind of deer-ish, but in a foxy-antelopey way.”

Now that I am a one animal household, my cat Miller is having a hard time adjusting to going solo and all the responsibilities that come along with being the sole pet. Some of you only children may relate. He has started filling in all our awkward silences with meowing. Lots and lots of meowing. I have no idea what he’s trying to tell me.
“Nobody understands me. I’m gonna throw myself over this pillow. Seriously, I’ll do it.”

And when he’s not totally distraught, he tries to get my attention by playing the cute card.
“This is my centerfold pose. You want to call Hef or should I?”

Finally, this has nothing to do with anything, but I am loving America’s Best Dance Crew on MTV. These guys, Jabbawockeez, are my favorites. This is the Michael Jackson song episode, so warning—crotch grabbing contained here.

Finally, GRACIE, you totally won Only Uni by Camy Tang! YAY! Contact me with your mailing addy at jen at jennybjones.com. Congrats!

Happy Friday!
I will be picking the winner of Camy Tang’s Only Uni Monday. So there is still time to leave a comment on Wednesday’s post and get in the running for a free book.

A friend of mine is shoe shopping for ballet flats, but accidentally found THESE instead. Not quite what she was looking for. But if you don’t have toes, they’d be perfect.

The new James Bond movie will be called Quantum Solace. What the heck kind of title is that? Sounds like a group of meteorologists named it. It’s like something I’d name a nursing home…in space.

A friend of mine sent this to me when I was knee deep in Puffs, naps, and orange juice. It gets really good at minute two.

So who are y’all pulling for on American Idol? I’m pulling for the girls to quit wearing those high waisted pants! NOBODY looks good in pants up to your boobies! NOBODY! I think they’d make Paris Hilton look chubby.

So I need to quickly rename a character. He will be a primary character and possible love interest for my heroine, Bella. He’s 17, brainy, looks like a preppy version of Clark on Smallville, strong,and arrogantly confident (but a good person). so he needs a strong name. A different name. I posted a list of name possibilities on Facebook and have really enjoyed the “voting” and feedback from readers, friends, and students. First of all, join me on Facebook HERE.
Second, here’s the pared down list of possibilities. Let me know what you think.

1. Hudson
2. Keaton
3. Max/Maxwell
4. Steele
5. Bennett
6. Hayden
7. Connor
8. Beckham
9. Luke/Lukas
10. Brody
11. Horace.
12. Just kidding.

Have a great weekend. I’ll be at a church retreat playing awkward team building games, eating my weight in Doritos, and hating the time change.

Today Asian chick-lit author Camy Tang has stopped by to talk about one of her favorite topics–historical fiction, sometimes referred to as “bodice rippers.” I might’ve read one or two in my day… It’s hard to resist them when the people on the cover are so life-like. The females always remind me of myself–10 inch waist, perfect bod, long wavy hair. And beautifully matched to a total hunk. Yep, sooo reminds me of my own life…

And for some fun news, if you’d like to win Camy’s new book, Only Uni, leave a comment on today’s blog, and we’ll draw for Camy’s hottest release! You will totally want this book!

Anyway, take it away, Camy.

Jenny is probably going to regret letting me guest blog today, because I’m going to talk about a common interest we have, mainstream historical romance novels.

True Bodice Rippers are the novels with the cover art so graphically sexual that one must be reduced to high school again and create brown paper bag book covers to preserve one’s dignity, especially when waiting in the car to pick up one’s child from school.

The women are often portrayed with heaving white bosoms spilling out of scanty silk dresses, or sometimes without clothes at all and just a tantalizing length of back. Usually with lots of leg showing.

Men are also half-dressed, usually shirtless or with white shirts torn open to reveal rock-hard pecs and abs (no steroids used on those hard-bodies, no sirree).

Such cover art, while intended to induce women to rip the books from the shelves and stack them on the checkout counter, is not appropriate for little Emma’s 2nd grade teacher to see Mom reading in the car.

However, cover art does not a Bodice Ripper make.

Whether sporting a lurid cover, or hidden by a half-step covered in discreet flowers or lace, or not sporting a swoon-worthy hunk at all (how disappointing), historical romance novels all carry the same things within their pages—sweeping stories with feisty heroines, strong heroes, and romance.

Anyway, I love a good historical romance to while away a rainy afternoon/evening/early morning hours because I can’t put the darn thing down. There’s something about a different time period, different societal constraints, different dresses (I’d love a Regency dress, all satin and lace and embroidery) that sweeps me away and gives me that fizzy, bubbling, happy-satisfied feeling at the end.

So, while I don’t necessarily advocate doing away with the brown paper book cover (think of Emma’s 2nd grade teacher, after all), let’s be free and honest in our love of mass market novels. Give me a good Bodice Ripper anyday.

Camy Tang is the loud Asian chick who writes loud Asian chick lit. She used to be a biologist, but now she is a staff worker for her church youth group and leads a worship team for Sunday service. She also runs the Story Sensei fiction critique service. On her blog, she gives away Christian novels every Monday and Thursday, and she ponders frivolous things like dumb dogs (namely, hers), coffee-geek husbands (no resemblance to her own…), the writing journey, Asiana, and anything else that comes to mind. Visit her website at http://www.camytang.com/ for a huge website contest going on right now, giving away five boxes of books and 25 copies of her latest release, ONLY UNI.

I keep a running list of things my students say that crack me up (and usually it’s a laughing on the inside sort of thing). Thought I’d share a few. Beware though–they might make you want to become a teacher. (I’ll send you my pay stub if the temptation becomes too strong.)

If you had one super power, what would it be?
Student: I’d have meat vision.

Who’s your hero?
Student: Mario from Nintendo. He scores the princess all the time.

What’s a good deed you’ve done lately?
Student: I didn’t drop kick my brother last night.

What’s an improvement you’d make to the school?
British Student: Employ some mums to cook in the cafeteria.

You’ve just won millions in the lottery. What’s the first thing you’d do for someone else?
Student 1: A homeless shelter for those in need.
Student 2: A box. For my mom.
Student 3: Lipo and a brain transplant for an ugly, dumb chick.

What’s your favorite possession?
Student: A light saber.

You can have absolutely anything you want for dessert. What do you choose?
Student: Pudding.

Random Quotes:
“I just found out a girl named Guadalupe stole my Frosted Flakes. . . I think it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“The Family Channel’s 25 Days of Christmas—that’s why I was put on this earth.”

“I know the Heimlich Remover.”

“Ms. Jones, have you ever had rhinoplasty?”

“I know I have fresh breath. Who wants to smell?”

“Potty words in cheers. We have to get rid of potty words in cheers.”

Me: “You could begin your speech with a shocking statement.”
Student: “Like poop is tasty?”

Have a great week.