Celebrity Overdose, Part I
This is my last post with braces-less teeth. I am very sad. I totally deserve some Ben and Jerry’s right now. I had braces a few years ago (I was looking for a way to make the age of 30 as horrible as possible. I know–braces!) and now we need to fix one single tooth. So. . . here we go again.
I remember when I first got them someone told me, “Oh, you’ll lose like five pounds that first week, your mouth will be so sore.” And I thought, “Silver lining!” But NO….am I the only person on the planet who GAINED five pounds? My mouth was useless for THREE weeks (one big open wound. It was like I had chewed on glass for a few hours), and so every meal I was at the Sonic drive-thru asking for the Jennifer Jones Braces Combo Meal–a shake and a grilled cheese. No chewing involved. So, not only was my mouth one big ulcer, but I couldn’t zip into my jeans. Can’t WAIT for that again!
Back to the shareholder meeting.
So Friday I get up at 4:20 in the AM to meet some friends and go to Bud Walton Arena in Fayetteville, AR for the big show.
My friend Leslie (a true Wal-Mart employee and share holder, unlike me who had an internet receipt for one single share) said there would be chocolate donuts (a fave for both of us. I mean the cheap kind that leaves a film on your mouth). But what I didn’t know was that Wal-Mart gets ALLLLLL this snack food donated and you can have all you want and all the drinks you want!
The people were telling us to get a BOX and fill it! This is the closest I’ve ever been to angels singing in my ear. Free snack food. In mass quantities. People BEGGING us to take it. I thought I was going to have a Cheez-It meltdown in my giddy state. I just wanted to roll in the stuff.
On the way to the arena, you pass by a nice courtyard on the U of A campus.
Isn’t that nice? The George family sponsors that little plot and maintain it. As I was eating my third pack of donuts, this gave me an idea. My yard is the eye-sore of my neighborhood. What if I divvied up MY yard and LET people tend it? You could totally put a big ‘ol stone with your name on and stuff. I’m taking bids now…
To start the meeting, these people fell out of the ceiling. And then they started playing drums while suspended and flying across the arena and stuff. It looked totally easy.
And then this guy started running on this giant hamster wheel with a blind fold. A few times he would almost “fall”, and I’d be like, “Poop.” Am I a sick person for wanting him to fall? I LOVE a good fall!
Queen Latifah hosted. Doesn’t she look all professional. She must have one share too. We’re all business, you know.
Jennifer Hudson was there. She was totally packing heat.
And I don’t mean guns.
When she sang “You’re Gonna Love Me” from Dream Girls, I thought we were gonna have ourselves some church.
Tim McGraw was there.
The Stockholder’s meeting is like one big pep rally. He closed out this raucous event by singing his song about a soldier who’s never going home. A little bit of a downer, Tim. He obviously doesn’t have his one share.
More later (I’m gonna drag this out until it’s Stockholder’s 2009!). I’m off to Bible study, then I will get in tonight, eat ice cream and write some sad haikus about my last night without braces. Actually I will be staying up late and working on book two in the new series, Charmed, I’m Sure. I’m in “Oh, Crap, I have to write a book” mode. Which means I have a lot of book to write and not a lot of time. And that also means I’m reading a lot. Because somehow enriching my mind is an okay thing to do when you should be WRITING YOUR OWN BOOK! I’m currently reading the 11th book in the Stephanie Plum series. Here’s another book I can’t wait to crack. Recently someone said they picked up I Heart Bloomberg by Melody Carlson and couldn’t put it down, staying up ’til 3 am reading it. That’s just what I need. Because heaven forbid I WRITE ’til three a.m. (Or ’til noon…or anytime…)
Anyway, here’s a preview of the book!
Have a great Wednesday,
Soon-to-be-metal-mouth JEN
This week, the
Christian Fiction Blog Alliance
is introducing
I Heart Bloomberg
David C. Cook (April 1, 2008)
by
Melody Carlson
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Melody Carlson is the best-selling author of more than 100 books for adults, children, and teens, including three of her latest, These Boots Weren’t Made For Walking, A Mile In My Flip-Flops, and Mixed Bags. She and her husband, the parents of two grown sons, make their home near the Cascade Mountains in Central Oregon. Melody is a full-time writer as well as an avid gardener, biker, skier, and hiker.
Favorite Bible verse: John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” It’s the “whosoever†part that gets me. That’s who I write for – “whosoever†and to me that means everyone and anyone.
Carlson, author of more than 100 books, begins her 86 Bloomberg Place series with I Heart Bloomberg that functions mostly to set up future storylines. Three women rent rooms at 86Bloomberg Place:
ABOUT THE BOOK
Kendall’s managed to wrangle her grandmother’s house-free and clear-except for the rules. No male roommates. But that’s ok, with the right ad she’ll pull in some girls, their rent and if she’s lucky, she won’t have to go to work any time soon.
For their part, Anna, Lelani, and Megan all have their reasons for wanting to move in: Anna has got to get out from under her overprotective parents; Lelani can’t take another day in her aunt’s tiny crackerbox house overflowing with toddlers and Megan needs a place free of her current roommate from Hades.
Though they come with assorted extra baggage filled with broken hearts and dreams, they will discover they also have a vast array of hidden strengths. And they struggle to become the women they want to be, they’ll find new hope and maybe even Kendall will learn a thing or two about life, love and the true meaning of friendship.
If you would like to read the first chapter, go HERE
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4 Comments so far
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I want one share in Walmart too! What IS this? Tim McGraw! Queen Latifah! Cool tricks in midair…I love cool tricks in midair. I am so jealous!
Good luck with the braces, Jenny! And feel free to post one of those haikus that you write. Just let it all out…
Aw, Tim Mcgraw! That’s awesome. I still need to finish teh True Colors series of Melody’s..and her other series…I’m terrible. I read like one book of two of the series. I love her books though, so I’ll have to check out that other one.
&& oh man, you got me scared about braces now. I have to get them…my teeth are like those “warning” pictures in the dentist office, thanks to seizure and other various medicines.
I absolutely LOVE Melody Carlson! Don’t get worried, you still rock more. There is a bright side to braces, though.
If aliens attack the earth and the only way to survive is to get sucked up by a giant magnet in the sky, you’re all set!
P.S. Applesauce rocks when your braces kill, as they do VERY often. If you warm it up and put cinnamon on it, it tastes like some sort of cheep, expired apple pie!
I love cool tricks in mid-air too! And my pain over the re-braces is too fresh to write about it yet. I’m still processing my feelings. And chewing on wax.
Sara E. do NOT be afraid of braces. This is my second time in three years and it’s really painless and a piece of cake. The worst part is the molds where you think you’re gonna barf on someone, but other than that, it’s pretty simple and painfree. And after a while you forget you even have them.
Julia…apple sauce? That doesn’t have enough calories in it. If I’m gonna eat something thin enough to suck through a straw, it must involve ice cream. And lard. And chocolate.