A Juicy Victory!
I have to blog quickly. I just used my juicer for the second time, and I could spew at any moment. I am proud to say I made a carrot-apple-celery coctail, and it’s not so bad. Thanks for the support (or warnings) about your own juicing experiences. I’m in good company.
So Christian Fiction Online magazine just released its first issue! If you’re into Christian fiction (and who isn’t?!), then you should check it out HERE.
And you can read an article by yours truly HERE. The magazine has lots of articles by favorite authors such as Brandilyn Collins, Kristin Billerbeck, Susan May Warren and others. And you can read an article by my agent Chip MacGregor, who always has something intelligent to say. Kudos to fellow YA author Michelle Sutton for doing such a great job as mag editor!
Did I mention I just downed carrots, celery, and apples? (Are there medals for this sort of thing?)
So now that I’ve read all of the Stephanie Plum series, I need something else to read. I’m into funny. I see too much drama at school to want anything sad. And I don’t read America’s fave Nicholas Sparks because somebody always dies. One time my “friends” convinced me to read this book of his PROMISING nobody died. Well, even worse–the stinkin’ DOG DIED. I thought I was going to Hulk out. Did these people not even KNOW me? I mean I could read through Sparks killing off the lead guy before I could the pet. So tragic.
Anyway, so I started researching funny mysteries on Barnes and Noble and Amazon. I don’t have any numbers to back this up, but do you know what the hot trend in mysteries is now? VAMPIRES. Do vampires REALLY have that many mysteries that need to be solved? You’re the undead. Who cares? Someone took your money? Well, you have quite a bit of time left to make more and years to read the Wall Street Journal. Somebody burned down your house? Well, bite everyone you know on the neck. Surely one of them was the culprit. Yes, you will lose lots of friends that way, but you were gonna outlive them anyway.
Right now I’m reading this book.
So far–no vamps. No werewolves. No tiger-mans. (Seriously, picked up one book and her brother is a Tiger-man. As if brothers aren’t obnoxious enough. Do we really need to arm them with claws? My brother had unlimited spit and noxious gas. He was plenty lethal.)
Tonight I’m buying tickets to a fall WWE RAW wrestling event. I will see John Cena, Baptista (not to be confused with Methodista), Chris Jericho, and um, some other really big people. People who are probably into juicing. Carrots that is. Definitely just carrots. Apparently the set collapsed and fell on Vince McMahon, the owner (CEO? president? king?) of WWE. And already I’m buying into this whole thing. Is it real? Did he REALLY get hurt? Surely it’s just staged. Cause I read Yahoo Entertainment updates like every five minutes, and there was nothing on there about him. See, this wrestling stuff just sucks you in. But I won’t let it get me. I will not think it’s real. Or that spandex is good for your circulation. Or that big boobs make you a better athlete. (Seriously go to WWE.com and look at those ladies. As Judge Judy would say, “Do you need a shawl?”)
Speaking of judges, I saw this clip on TV yesterday. It’s like so funny it’s not funny. Poor lady.
Here’s another good one. This one is dedicated to my friend Jessica who is trying to think of baby names.
Um, do NOT go into Judge Judy’s court and bring your suitcase full of ethnic profiling. Especially when you clearly failed eighth grade geography. And the eighth grade.
Have a great Wednesday. I’m off to try and find some vampire-less books.
JEN
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12 Comments so far
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Bill Bryson cracks me up.
Hey! I totally know what you’re talking about when it comes to too much real-drama to read dram.
My favorite books to read are….
There’s a series by another new author, Erynn Mangun, about a match maker –it’s hillarious!
For mysteries, my favorite series is the Million Dollar Mysteries by Mindy Starns Clark. All of her books are excellent (and include some romance).
Lastly, for fun mysteries with a teensie bit of drama and loads of laughter, I love the “Deadly Decor Mysteries” by Ginny Aiken. The main character is ann interior designer who stumbles upon dead bodies, oddly enough.
Oops! Correction: Erynn MANGUM
Normally when someone’s asking for funny I recommend Hal Spacejock (sci-fi humor) or Jenny Jones. Somehow, I don’t think those answers are very useful in this instance.
Have you tried the Shopaholic books? All the funny of normal chick-lit with none of the “I hate this main character” feelings. Then again, I have a thing for British humor. You may not feel the same.
Oooh! And I second Bethany. Erynn Mangum had me cracking up as much as your books do. They sit right next to each other on my shelves. Hollywood Nobody is good too, but isn’t a series yet (the second book is just out), so if you’re looking for a marathon reading session, I wouldn’t start that just yet.
I am also an Erynn Mangum fan but it’s not really mystery. The first video made me laugh-out-loud but now, in retrospect, I think I’ve lost my appetite.
Word Vixen, I couldn’t really get into the Shopaholic series, but I LOVE her other stuff. I’m picking up her newest Remember Me? (or something like that) tomorrow! I liked Can You Keep A Secret a lot. But Hal Spacejock? TELL me that’s a pen name.
Thanks for the recommendations, everyone. I will check them out! Especially the mysteries.
I read your article in the mag. Very…you. I’ve yet to use a spork and now feel deprived. Oh, hey, being the lifeless dork I am, I read this things about a fork-knife thing! It’s, like… a utensil hybrid! Maybe they’ll put an attachable karaoke machine on the other end!
Aw, poor lady! I’ve always had nightmares about losing my front teeth. I think if I were that woman, I would die right then and there.
Or at the very least…. Nope, I would just die.
*lol* Hal Spacejock is the character. The author is Simon Haynes (totally dishy, but taken). He’s got 4 books out now, the first three are available through Powells. 4 is only available in Australia, but can be mail ordered. If you go to his blog (halspacejock.blogspot.com) he has a contest every month for his books, and he’ll ship them anywhere. So, if you’re into sci-fi at all, it’s worth it. Slapstick funny, and teen safe if you want to share with slapstick loving students.
I didn’t know that Sophie Kinsella had books outside the Shopaholic series! I only picked her up because Miss Snark recommended it, and love her now. Thanks for the info!
I’d suggest Kristen Billerbeck, but somehow, I think you know that.
Have you read Claudia Mair Burney’s Amanda Bell Brown books? She’s a funny lady, and her Bell books are so much fun to read and a cool blend of humor, drama, mystery, and romance.
On a completely different note, when I’m in the mood for a funny, light read, I grab one of PG Wodehouse’s Jeeves & Wooster books, which are must-reads if you have any appreciation for British humor–er, humour.
Hey Jen, thanks for the shout out on the baby name clip. That was hilarious! I’ll remember to exclude those names from our list. ha ha!
I can’t believe that you are still bitter over the Nicholas Sparks book. You know that was an amazing book! Another one of his books is being converted into a movie, I know you’ll want to go see it!!!