Peeing on Technology
Had a great week of rain and cooler temps here in Arkansas. I hate it for those in the path of the hurricane destruction, but it sure was nice to see the 130 degree temperatures leave. (or something close to that…)
I am in such a cooking/eating funk. If I eat one more salad, I’m going to hurl my guts up. And cooking…well, that always involves cleaning the stove. And the floor. And the ceiling. So last night was a sweet potato. And tonight’s two course dinner was peanut butter on spelt bread and an apple. (We might call it a ten course meal if you count all the M&M packs I downed as appetizers.) And I have got to break myself of consuming orange juice and Fritos all day long. But they’re so good together. Like chocolate and caramel. Milk and cereal. Me and Prince William.
I love commercials. I was watching TV the other day, and caught one for a pregnancy test. Check out Clearblue Easy’s new tagline: Clearblue Easy…the most sophisticated piece of technology you’ll ever pee on.
I always have a CD and a book going (not at the same time). Obviously I’m still listening to Tomlin’s Hello Love, but I’m about to wear it out. I tend to get a new cd and play it over and over until I’m sick of it. Nothing in moderation. And I’m reading this book with my church.
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It’s about living radically. What would you do if you knew you only had 30 days to live? I’m only about 1/3 of the way into it yet, and honestly, I haven’t done any of the little homework activities at the end of the chapters because if I only had 30 days to live, I wouldn’t spend it doing HOMEWORK. But it does get a girl to thinking. What would YOU do if you knew you only had a month to live? Should we start a new list?
I would…
1. Go rapelling
2. Write Carol Burnett a thank you note.
3. Hang out with my family a lot. (and let them cook for me since my skills are so limited to Fritos and PB these days)
4. Use all my sick days at work without a smidge of guilt.
5. Say all sorts of meaningful crap to everyone I knew and loved.
6. Pee on an expensive piece of electronics and call Clearblue and tell them they were wrong.
7. Take those ballroom lessons I always meant to get to. (Not that they exist around here. But if I wanted hunting lessons or turkey calling help, that’s readily available.)
8. Try in vain to find a home for my brain-damaged cat who meowed for 45 minutes straight yesterday during a portion of my Sunday I like to call “If I Don’t Take A Nap, I’m Going To Rip Someone’s Jugular Out.”
9. Write a detailed plan for my funeral. Like no open casket. Puhlease. And I want to be buried in my yoga-wear. And do not show any pictures of me from the 80s. None of us were responsible for our hairstyles. It was all those greenhouse gasses we were inhaling. It distorted our ability to see reason and have good taste in hair heights.
10. Eat all the junk food I want. The book says you are not to do that as that is disrespectful to your last days, but I find nothing but honor in mini-chocolate donuts and yoo-hoos, and if the authors would like to debate that issue, then you just bring it.
So yeah, I’ll let you know if my life dramatically changes after reading this book. If I write next week that I’ve quit my job and am living in my car down by the river, you’ll know why.
I’m rereading this book:
This was THE book I consumed right before I went to the American Christian Fiction Writers Conference in 2005 that led to the contract for In Between. I will spare you the details today, but my publishing story was such an amazing God thing. And though this book isn’t a magic formula, it just points you in the right direction and reaffirms that God is a big God and still does BIG things. And nowhere in this book does the author tell me not to eat junk food.
And I still recommend this book. I enjoyed it a lot, and my two friends Leslie and Kim just finished it this past week.
Love Starts With Elle by Rachel Hauck. I don’t like most Christian fiction romance novels. I’m more of a Nora Roberts, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Sophie Kinsella, and Jenifer Crusie fan myself. But this book kept me turning the pages. And Leslie and Kim don’t exactly love to read, so for them to give their two thumbs up is saying a lot.
Have a great week. I’d love to hear what you’re reading. Or what you’d do if you had 30 days left. Please don’t tell me it would be to eat alfalfa sprouts and goji berries.
Finally, I stole this from someone’s else’s blog, but for those of you familiar with contemporary worship music, this is kinda funny.
See you Wednesday.
JEN
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No goji berries. My diet would be composed of straight up chocolate and Diet Coke. Sadly, I don’t even drink Diet Coke for dietary purposes. I just think it tastes better. I’m sure the aspertame fizzles my brain cells or something. The world can be so cruel.
My sister gave me $20 to go buy The Shack “or else” so that’s what I’m reading. I’m sure it is a good book. It’s just not the kind of book I’m typically drawn too. I’m starting it tonight so I’ll find out soon. I’m holding out hope!
I’m also reading Uglies by Scott Westerfeld. It’s a smidge slow right now, but I think it has kind of a cool message. I’m not having a hard time putting it down, but I like that its different. I’ve been looking for a good non-fic, so I’ll have to pick up Beyond Jabez. I need a proverbial kick in the pants right now (from a source that doesn’t reprimand my love for chocolate). 
Umm.. I’m reading…Catch A Rising Star
by Tracey Bateman. For “school” I’m reading a bunch of books by Jay Adams about Nouthetic Counseling. I’m reading some other stuff, too but can’t seem to remember it all. Ha. But I have a booklist on my blog 
Good evening, Jenny,
If you were going to die in thirty days, you should not waste your time peeing on expensive electronics. You might get electrocuted. As for eating junk food I agree.
I don’t have a list, but I would like to be near to my family and friends. Maybe spend a day each with them. And then I would have a going away party on the twenty-ninth day.
As for books I have left two sitting on my bookshelf with bookmarks stuck in them half way through. With school starting I haven’t had time to read any of them. But you could so I will type them down.
1. The Battle for Vast Dominion, by George Bryan Polivka.
2. From a Distance, by Tamera Alexander
They have so far been very good books, but I like the latter better. Sorry Mr. Polivka, but your second book to The Trophy Chase Trilogy is my favorite.
Brynhildur
P.S. If you don’t want to cook, is there any Mcdonalds near by? But be careful if you go there, Ronald might stab you with a fry.
Well, if I were to die, first I would
1. I will buy myself a hot fudge sundae with every possible topping (other than goji beans and alfalfa sprouts.)
2. Buy a bucket of that new chicken thing at KFC
3. Meet Jenny B Jones (yes, the sundae and KFC came first… sorry.)
4. Buy every book I’ve ever wanted, even the little Pooh Bear picture books I used to see at the store but was never bought because I was an extremely stingy five year old.
5. Find every loophole in my school’s rules and see what my teachers do about it
6. Read the last chapter of Pride and Prejudice (I stopped at chapter 60… oops?)
And that concludes my list. At the moment, I’m reading Rematch by Erynn Mangum and next up is a book called I’m not sure what I’m Reading Next by Me.
I love the Clearblue commercials, too. If I’m ever in need of a pregnancy test (don’t get the wrong ides here kids) Clearblue will be my choice. Price is no object. then I can tell me child I peed on advanced technology for them. My other favorite commercials are the Free Credit Report dot com ones. I’m working on memorizing all 4!
Well, God Bless…
pff. ha. snort. nice video.
So right now, I should be studying for a huge AP Bio test that goes over four chapters… I have never been one for cramming late at night. It’s bad for ya kids. I have also never been one for studying each night in advance, or one for studying at all. Have you ever noticed that the word “studying” is a mix of the words students and dying? Exactly.
Ah, 30 days to live.
I would go try to save Africa, who cares if I die, it was comin’ up soon anyway. Oh, and ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. How fat can you get in thirty days?
As for the pregnancy test commercial, my favorite part is when they give us a visual of a liquid gracefully arching down to drench the lil tester thing. Um, TMI anyone?
If I just had 30 days left I’d write love letters to my girls (they are just 2 & 4 years old.) I’d give them all of that “mom” wisdom that I want to tell them. I’d make them scenario specific – first day of school, when somebody makes fun of you at school, when you learn to ride your bike without training wheels, when you’re baptized, when you don’t make the cheerleading squad or you do make the drill team, your boyfriend breaks up with you, you start to drive, graduate from high school/college, when you’re contemplating getting married, when you get married, have your first child, etc. For all of those times when a girl needs a mom – maybe it would feel like I was almost there.
I’d also clean/organize my house – A LOT! If I died right now nobody would have a clue as to where anything is. I have so much STUFF it’s ridiculous. If you’ve ever had to clean up after a packrat’s left this world, you know what I mean!
Lately I have read all of Sophie Kinsella’s work – she totally cracks me up! I was killing time in an airport bookstore when I ran across “Shopaholic” and have been addicted ever since. I usually laugh out loud with her books, but I didn’t with this last one called “Remember Me.” It was okay-funny, but not laugh-until-I-cry funny like the others. Did you know they are making a “Shopaholic” movie? I can’t wait!
Haha. I love Allie’s “how fat can you get in 30 days” quote. I was just eating ice cream too….hmm…better go see if my pants still fit. ANyways, 30 days is a long time. I would:
1. Go to Venice and Rome. And all over the globe.
2. drink my favorite kind of coffee without feeling guilty. or short.
3. eat as much fruit as i would want. junk food sometimes makes me sick. so i would have a little of that and a bunch of strawberries.
well that’s it for now
~Lauren
Julia, Hot fudge sundae…good choice. And I’m so glad to make your bucket list. What an honor!
Allie, you never fail to make me laugh out loud–the snorting, unattractive kind. Studying= student+dying. That’s good stuff.
Pam, I saw a mom on Oprah that did that–videos for each stage of life for her daughter. What a gift. And I LOVE Sophie Kinsella. I never got into the Shopaholic books, but I think I”m gonna have to try again. I liked Remember Me, but didn’t love it. But mostly I was just glad to be reading a Kinsella book again. I really liked Can You Keep a Secret.
Lauren, I’d TOTALLY down like a million frapps if I was on my way out.
Bethany, I checked your reading list. Very deep stuff there!
Bryn, a going away party is a great idea. And yes, there’s a McD’s nearby. That’s another story…another problem…another pair of pants that won’t fit…
Natalie, sadly I like Dt. Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper for the taste too. I wish I didn’t. Let me know what you think of Shack and Uglies. I need to give at least one of them another try…
If I had 30 days left to live I would skip school the whole time and finally write that book, then rock out with the mp3 player while eating caramel topping from the bottle. Then i would start a campaign to get Disney channel off the air. Because i couldn’t die without saving the youth of america.