I just have to get this out of the way right off. I LOVED THIS from SNL this weekend. I had to listen a few times just to catch all the clever words. And that is Amy Poehler at her BEST.

Check out the NEW Twilight trailer!

Part of me is excited for the Twilight movie, but part of me is dreading it. I know all of my students will be at the theater, and it will automatically put me in teacher mode. I won’t be able to watch the movie for handing out detention slips, asking guys to pull up their saggy pants, and collecting cell phones and iPods. And don’t even get me started on the make out violations.

At our school, I am the Makeout Catcher Queen. Seriously. I don’t know what it is, but if you are making out in the halls, I will see it. I think I’m so short and blend in with the crowd so well that students just don’t notice me. But I cannot walk down the hall without catching someone. This would be why I stay in my room. A lot. Or stare at the floor when I travel to the bathroom. I think there is just something cosmically crazy about it. Kids will make out right in front of my door! And I’ll be all like, “What in the heck are you doing? THERE? You had to make out there?” (undertone: Are you IDIOTS?) And they’re like, “We don’t know…there was just this voice in our heads that told us to. We were drawn there.”  It’s like my curse. I have pre-made detention slips I keep in my blouse for just these purposes.

Thanks to Facebook friend Patsy Wilcox for finally sending me the website where you can Yearbook your picture. Have you done this yet? Go HERE to try.

Did you see Soul Train’‘s Don Cornelius got arrested for domenstic battery. Those of you born before 1980 will know who that is. That is so not cool, Don. Do you want to be on the Sooooooooooo-ul Train to jail?

Did you know in Chicago police are on the lookout for a creepy clown who is stalking children? So kids of all ages, if you see a suspicious clown who asks if you want a balloon poodle, just say no. And if he asks you to honk his red nose– run far, far away.

I would like to take this time to appeal to all the squirrels. I don’t know what the deal is, but on Saturday, you and your ilk all came out in full force. I almost ran over five of you in ONE afternoon. Now we all know how squirrel deaths affect me. Any animal for that matter. A few years ago I drove by a farm on my way to work and hit one of their guineas, and I thought I was going to hurl myself in their pond, so deep was my misery.  And he pretty much threw himself at my car, so I’m confident it was a guinea suicide attempt on his part. And it was freakin’ selfish to not only leave his pheasant family, but to put that kind of guilt on me.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. Squirrels, I need you to leave me alone! Why is it when a car comes you decide to zip across the road three times before deciding where you would best be unharmed? And why would you go across a power line and try your Evil Knievel acrobatics when my car passes below? I realize winter is coming, and times are tough. We all understand these days of shortages. But throwing yourself under my tires? Man, it’s not worth it. Plus I tend to close my eyes, draw in all my limbs, and scream my head off, and that’s just not good for anyone on the road, sidewalks, ditches, or beneath my vehicle.

Have a lovely week. I don’t get to see anyone famous this week, so it’s probably gonna be a slow one.

JEN

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