Happy Mid-Week! Did anyone see Quantum of Solace last weekend? What is up with that name? It sounds like the name of a casket or something. And here we have the quantum of solace, a lovely stainless number with silk powder blue interior…

So students can be entertaining at times. A few weeks ago one of my kids bit into a chocolate Pop-Tart and got a worm. Not even kidding. Had I not been there, I wouldn’t have believed it. It was disgusting…but funny. Those are on recall, by the way. I told her she should have saved the worm and the package, sent them in, and we could have all gotten free (non chocolate) Pop-Tarts!

I thought I’d share my semester’s worth of student comments.

Me: If you could have any super power, what would it be?
Ninth Grade Student: The power to grow a beard really fast.

Me: If you could have any super power, what would it be?
Student: The ability to turn into a liger and cook hamburgers with my tail.

Student’s attention getter from a speech: There is only one thing better than judging a Jessica Alba lookalike contest…and that’s eating homemade brownies.

Me: What is one thing you’d change about yourself?
Student: I’d have claws.

Me: If you could be any animal, what would you be?

Student 1: A Cheagle. A cheetah-eagle. I’d be able to fly and be really fast.
Student 2: A gitigon. A love child of a dragon, tiger, and lion. It breathes fire and runs fast.
Student 3: A mole. . .cause it rhymes with my name. Joel.
Student 4: What about you, Ms. Jones?
Me: I’d want to be a squirrelevangelist. I would travel the world, teaching all the other squirrels about looking both ways before crossing the street.

Me: What were you for Halloween?
Student: An Army person. I was supposed to be GI Jane, but I forgot my gun at school.

Me: What was your scariest moment?
Student: In fifth grade, I was throwing rocks at a house under construction. I broke a window and just ran. I thought they’d take me to juvie.

Student working on a “create your own country project” :  How do you spell slutty?
Me: What? I would never spell that out for you. How inappropriate.
Students: We want to use it.
Me: I don’t know if you –okay. S-l-u-t-t-y.
Students: We said SLEDDY, as in a sled.
Me: I knew that.

Moi: You are on death row for too much texting at school. What is your last meal?
Student 1: McDonalds–I’d get their Monopoly “Get Out of Jail” card.
Student 2: Ramen noodles and a ring pop.
Student 3: Three soft tacos and a juice box.

Me: What is your favorite possession?
Student: My ring. My boyfriend gave it to me for our weekaversary.

Me: Okay, Student, so why do you strongly agree that the school should have uniforms?
Student: Uniforms? Oh. I thought you said unicorns.

See, if you were a teacher you could have this level of entertainment daily. It’s so fun! Nonstop fun! In fact, it’s so much zany fun, I will cry all next week when I am on Thanksgiving break.

Have a good rest of the week.

JENNY

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It sure is Monday again.

I finished this book and so want others to read it. So I’m giving it away. Keep reading…

Once I got into it, it was SOOO good. Hugo lives in the walls of the Paris train station. He maintains the clocks. Because that’s what his father did–his father who was tragically killed in a museum fire. And what drew his father to the museum was an automaton. Automatons are actually a little bit creepy to me and would make a great historical suspense or scary book. I will let someone else write that, as fart jokes and boob references are not that well received in scary books.

So young Hugo goes about fixing this automaton, which was pulled from the fire’s ashes. And this, combined with his complicated life as an orphan clock fixer, puts him in the path of a girl and her godfather, Georges, who also has a mystery. This book, though initially sad, gave me that warm fuzzy feeling that I got from reading something like The Polar Express. I loved this book. And after I got over the creepy eyeball drawings (which will make sense, but at first were just big ‘ol eyeballs), the illustrations are amazing and help tell the story. It’s also a great story of taking care of our children without homes. I was shocked to learn today that there are 300 foster kids just in my county and one nearby. That’s crazy. Please remember these kids and their group homes as you buy Christmas gifts.

Speaking of doing good deeds, we have a local radio station that has been blazing a trail of generosity with their Pay It Forward Thursdays. People have been paying it forward all over the place. Everyone around here is doing it and talking about it. So I thought we could try a little of it. You have until Thanksgiving Day to leave a comment with your own “pay it forward.” Please tell me what you did out of the goodness of your little heart. And like I tell my students, it can’t be something you’d do anyway, like, “I didn’t brain my little brother with the frying  pan.” The Monday after TG, I will announce the TWO winners, and you will receive The Invention of Hugo Cabret. And I’ll have Amazon ship it, so you will get it before you’re old and gray and ready for adult diapers. (And if you’re already there, I want you to know there is nothing wrong with that.)

One kind deed you can do (in addition to the cool one you come up with) is to pray for the Brio/Brio and Beyond/Breakaway staff at Focus on the Family. This past year I have had the awesome honor of working with them and writing some short stories. (Like the Katie and Maxine one that will be in Brio in the December issue!)  These people are so amazing and so dedicated to reaching out to teens and tweens with positive messages. But…Focus has decided that as of January they will not be continuing these particular magazines. So please, please pray for my friends–for the future of the magazines, possibly to find a home elsewhere, and for the employees to find local employment, if carrying on as a magazine is not possible.  I’m expecting great things to happen. Let’s pray them through that.

On a totally separate topic, I am having the HARDEST time finding winter clothes. WHAT THE HECK? So I shopped all afternoon Friday and found one measly sweater, and I wasn’t too thrilled with it.

Today I wore it to class, and one of my students scrunches up her face and says, “Ms. Jones…um, you really don’t look like yourself today. You look like….um….like…”     I help her out. “My grandma?” And then as everyone agrees, I proceed to tell the class, “Look, it is freakin’ hard to find clothes these days. Stuff is either made for your elderly family members or teenage prostitutes.”  I mean I have looked EVERYWHERE for clothes. It’s like everything is teeny-tiny and tight or it’s this big caftan-tribal-crochet-tent of a thing. Short girls do not wear huge sweaters. I don’t care what you do to it–belt it, cinch it, layer, whatever. You still look like a spool of yarn with a tiny head sticking out.  And those sweater dresses are cute, but you can’t exactly hem those things, you know?

I seriously give up. I’ve looked at Gap, Kohls, JCP, Dillards, Belk, Banana Republic (where you have to sell a few organs just to buy a shirt), Old Navy, Ann Taylor Loft, NY and Co, Fossil, even SEARS, people. I got so desperate I looked at Sears! But NOTHING. They say all the retailers are suffering. Well, maybe if you made stuff we could wear, you wouldn’t be! Maybe it’s not the economy. I don’t want to dress like Madonna. Or a Hefner playmate. OR Aunt Bea or Mrs. Roper (though she had lovely jewelry).

Okay. I’m done complaining now.

You have yourselves a really nice day. And don’t forget to pay it forward.

JEN

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Congrats to SARAH, the winner of A Beautiful Fall.  Sarah, just email me your home addy so Chris can get that out to you post haste. Verus how I mail things–post next millennia.

This past Saturday I went on a hike to a place in Arkansas called Hog’s Bill Crag. Before this venture, I never knew what a crag was. Actually I’d never heard of it, but if I had taken a guess at it’s meaning, it probably wouldn’t have been too polite.

We missed the great AR leaves by exactly one week, due to a storm and lots of wind (that I thought was going to blow my house over). But it was still pretty, if not a wee bit limby.

We had someone take a picture of us. I’m the third blur from the right. Apparently there is also a Hawk’s Bill Crag in Arkansas, and I don’t know why this isn’t it because it looks like a hawk’s bill. This is also a famous spot for photographs. According to my friend Kim, it was on the cover of the Atlas recently. That is one famous crag.

Here is the view from the ledge (which I didn’t get very close to…it was windy).

You can see for miles.

Here’s a shot of Kim that looks like she’s ready to leap off.

“No, Kim! Don’t do it! It’s not worth it!”

It’s kind of hard to see, but these people (above) are in a little rock enclosure and wearing orange vests. Lots of people were wearing orange to send a clear message to nearby hunters, “If you shoot me, the bullets will bounce right off because I have on my magic orange vest of protection.” We did not wear any orange…and lived to tell about it. There were hunting camps VERY close though.

Before you get to the trail entrance, you have one bathroom opportunity. It is Dee-Lux.

Call me deprived, but I think that was my first outhouse experience. The owner just happened to be there and told us to “watch out for snakes” as I went in. Niiice. I figured if a snake is that hard up to lie in wait in a disgusting hole then maybe he deserves a bite  of tush every now and then. Luckily, I came out of the bathroom unscathed. The ironic thing is there was a can of Lysol in there. Um…nevermind.

Here’s the girl representation of this trip. We look like we’re trying to bring back Wilson Phillips or something. (I’ll be Carnie)

“Someday somebody’s gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye! … Don’t you know? Things can change. Things’ll go your way. If you hold on for one more day…”

So we had a great time. Apparently one person dies a year out here on this crag, but I’m happy to report we didn’t lose a soul.

Right now I’m reading The Invention of Hugo Cabret.

At first I was like…yuck. It’s a huge book. I’m talking Twilighty-Potter huge. And that always makes me dread the read a little. There is a reason those little Harlequins sell so well. Anyway, you open it up and there are all these illustrations by the author. So it’s a fake big book! You don’t have to read 800 pages!!! I might include some personal artwork in my next book. I can draw. When I was in 3rd grade I won Artist of the Month in Mrs. Duncan’s class for my depiction of three fairies. Who didn’t have noses. Or feet. Because I couldn’t draw them. And my grandma still has a picture of mine I called “Pea Sandwich.” Some may see two pieces of bread and some peas, but there’s so much more to it than that, and clearly my grandma saw its great depth and moving symbolism.

Anyway, The Investion of Hugo Cabret is a great book. Normally if a book doesn’t hook me from the beginning, I’m pretty much done. And this didn’t do it for me. I was bored. And the pictures were a little creepy. There are quite a few eyeballs peeking out in the beginning. Eyeballs get me every time. Cree-pee. So I kept reading because I didn’t want to go to bed (because that means when I next become conscious, it’s work time). And before I knew it, I was sucked into this story. It’s about this young boy who is orphaned in the 1930s and hides and works in a Paris train station. He fixes all their clocks. He is hungry and alone and very sad. And that’s all I’m going to tell you right now. But it’s good and a fast read. And it’s so heavy you can work your biceps while you’re reading. My books can’t give you that, but I’m checking into it and working on a thigh master-novel combo.

I’m also listening to Taylor Swift’s new CD called “Look at Me and My Hair.”

Okay, it’s not called that but seriously, what is up with Hollywood and the music industry and all these extensions? Enough already. I haven’t listened to all the CD, but so far it’s pretty good. Taylor writes or co-writes all of her songs, and I think that’s pretty cool. Even though I can’t relate to the song about being fifteen. I don’t even remember 15. But I love how she has a lot of blue grass instruments on her music. I am a sucker for a banjo and mandolin. LOVE it. THIS SONG has grown on me a lot. But if that were my kid, I’d be like, “PULL your dress up! Geez! Do you want the neighboring lords and ladies to think you’re a floozy?”

Hope you have a great rest of the week. I’m going to go do some editing and read The Invention of Hugo Cabret.

JEN

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I just read THIS article on Yahoo and found out that I have a grave disease called Sunday Night Syndrome. SNS strikes the innocent who are dreading work on Monday. I am lucky it is not in advanced stages, as those poor souls freak out on Fridays because all they can think about is how close the next work week is. I do not freak out on Fridays. I love Fridays. And Saturdays. But Sunday finds me at the altar, praying for a holy miracle and begging God to take my sacrifice of two lipsticks and a favorite purse in return for a life free of the J-O-B. The article says there’s basically no cure. But I find that ice cream, Diet Coke, and a five hour nap do at least get your mind off of it for a little while.

I just finished this book.

I’ve had it for months and months and just now finished it. It’s the sequel to the fabulous book A Girl Called Zippy. She Got Up Off the Couch is nonfiction, and I didn’t want it to end. Which is odd because when I read nonfiction I usually don’t even want it to start. My brother is a voracious nonfiction reader and is as filled with info that matters as I am filled with random trivia on Paris Hilton. (Like Paris’s mom Kathy was in one episode of Happy Days.) Anyway, I highly recommend this book, especially if you are interested in writing. I even underlined a few lines, and I can’t stand to write in books because I believe it’s a sin probably mentioned in a lost chapter of the New Testament.

This morning I found a small snake in my kitchen. I have no idea where it came from or where it has been, and since I rarely cook, my kitchen is not exactly a place that draws animals or people. It’s one of those ring snakes (or rock snakes) that plague my house every summer. I showed it to my cat, hoping he could take interest and inhale it or something. But he just blinked and went to meow in another room. So feeling charitable, I got the tongs out to pick him up and throw him outside. Except he was too small to get a good grip. So I really just ended up repeatedly squishing and dropping him before finally getting a good hold and running out the back porch, giving a weak toss and yelling, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I should have gone with my usual strategy of flushing him down the toilet.

Did you hear that lay-away is back in vogue? I remember lay-away very well. Lots of stores who aren’t Wal-Mart and Target are offering this service for the holidays. One leader of this trend is a retailer called the 99 Cent Store. Heaven help me if I need a payment plan for my purchases at the 99 Cent Store. If I can’t pay for my ice cube trays, Brillo pad, plastic picture frame, and memo cube then maybe I shouldn’t get them.

Thanks to Best Agent Ever Chip MacGregor for passing on this funny clip.

Then I found this Twilight spoof. It has a few funny moments. Like the end. And girly boy screams always make me laugh.

So for a few years I’ve had two Facebook accounts. One is HERE so I can talk to students, writers, and readers. And the other is my personal account for nearby friends and family. I thought I’d be all smart and finally have them both feed to the same email account. Well, long story short, this deleted my “friend” account. That was about a month ago. And I’ve been Facebookless ever since. It has taken me the entire month to get a hold of a real human at Facebook, and they are “looking into it.” I had to do some research to even get an email address to send my problem to. And the only sites of help I found were info boards where people were like, “I sent 2 million spam emails about mail-order Russian brides and Facebook kicked me off. Where’s the email address to get my account back?” And “I sent pictures of my friend’s grandma in her bloomers to the entire state of Texas, and Facebook deleted me. My rights have been violated and I’m suing.”

So anyway, from these pervs I did learn a few email addys to contact FB by. I’m hoping one day they’ll activate my account again, because I have had SO many emails from friends asking me why I dropped them as a “friend” on Facebook. And those are just the ones who are bold enough to ask! What about all the others who think I’ve just upped and cut them from my social circle! And then I think, WHY would I possibly do that anyway? Do they think I thought their statuses were boring and not worthy? Or maybe their profile pic wasn’t hot enough? Or they didn’t meet my “to be my friend you must write on my wall at least 10x a month” quota? So friends, if you are reading this, none of the above! I usually put my friends on “probation” before I drop them for those crimes.

Off to see if I can find any more cures for Sunday Night Syndrome.

JEN

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We made it to Friday. Whew! I could not have gone another day. Aren’t you glad the election is over? I will say that I was impressed with Obama’s acceptance speech. Did you see the part where he told his girls that they’d be getting a new puppy to take with them to the White House? How cool is that? So not only will Sasha and Whats-her-Name get to play hide and seek in the Lincoln bedroom and snacks anytime they want from the presidential kitchen, but they get a new dog. Luckies.

Don’t forget to go HERE if you want to be entered in the drawing for Chris Coppernoll’s book A Beautiful Fall. Simply leave a comment per directions on Wednesday’s post. Winner will be drawn November 10th. And the sweet thing is I’m not mailing the book out, so the odds of you actually getting it in this millennium–pretty good.

The November issue of Christian Fiction Online Magazine is up.

Just click on the magazine cover to take you there. I have an article HERE about a subject near and dear to my heart–Young Adult novels. Check it out.

This cracked me up a bit. This is comedian Brian Regan on flying, one of my very favorite topics.

Well, I’m out. I have had a week and then some, so it’s off to bed with a book and a fine vintage of Florida orange juice. See you Monday.
JEN

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