Congrats to Heather for winning Engaging Father Christmas by Robin Jones Gunn! Heather, please email me your addy, and we’ll get that book to you.

Sorry I didn’t post Monday. You have no idea what I’ve been through since last Friday. I have been diligently tracking a winter storm, once again buying into all these weather man’s promises, only to come away empty handed…empty hearted. Last night they had a map of the system showing the storm above us and below us, but not in our little county. The Weather Guy said, “It was supposed to hit us. It’s like someone is taking a blow dryer…look at that map. Isn’t that crazy?” And all I heard was, “Jennifer, your life is crap because you will not be getting any snow days. The world is against you and a general feeling of malaise and misery will be consuming you by the second.”

To drown my sorrows and get my mind off things, I went HERE to play a game. Except I stunk at it, so I just got even more down. I can’t have snow, and I can’t even catch fake Ben and Jerry fish.

There has been one bright spot in my snow-less week. I learned that Lauren Graham, aka Lorelai Gilmore, will soon be back on TV with a new show. I can’t wait! I miss her and Rory so much! And Stars Hollow. Where God blessed them with snow. And not misery.

We are done with our semester test in my class, so we’re watching Princess Bride. Some of them do not appreciate it. Can you imagine? Inconceivable! But a few of my students do know what ROUS’s are, and they are now my new favorites. If their grades magically bump up to perfect A’s, then who can blame me?

A few weekends ago I went to a Christmas party, and we played this game called Encore. It’s a singing game. ( I know, eye roll right, but no…it totally hooked me and my evil competitive singingness took over!) So you get a card and it might say something like, “Where,” and you and your team have to come up with a song that has the word “where” in it. Then if you get it right, it goes to the next team to try, and it keeps going until you mess up/time runs out. It is STRESSFUL!!!! Suddenly your mind goes blank and you’re like, “I’ve never heard a single song in my life with the word “where” in it!”  The other team was not very country music savvy, and they were WAY ahead of us, so I tried to sneak one in on them. “Sing a song with a city in it.”  So we were stuck, and I just belted out, “I went to the bar in Dallas and picked up my dog…” They were totally buying it (you have to sing it with conviction and feeling), and my OWN TEAM ratted me out. I was so disgusted. Not only were we losing, but we couldn’t even cheat efficiently. Hmph!

Well, Inigo Montoya needs me to help him find the man with six fingers, so I must go.

Have a great week.
JEN

10 comments

I’m writing part of this from school right now. We have mandatory 2x a week study hall, and a kid is totally snoring. He is passed out.  Must be nice.

So the big news…is that our big snow-ice-sleet-happiness front didn’t come through. I am so stinkin’ mad at my favorite (former favorite) weather guy who said, “This front…it could be so much bigger than we’re predicting.” That was at the six o’clock news. Then by nine, he said, “Our chances are zero. Sorry. Things changed.” Just like that…things changed. Just like that…my heart got ripped out. Just like that…my snow day was gone. So of course, I totally sat down and composed some emo-snow poetry that described the dark night of my soul and how I would be TPing weatherman’s house that very eve. I have finally forgiven…but I shall not forget.

But there’s a new front possibility for Monday. Dare to dream.

Clearly, to improve effectiveness, I need to add some moves to my midnight snow dance. I’m thinking the running man.

Sad item number two. I was hungry at work today, and I search through my desk (because any good teacher worth her salt keeps nothing but pens, glue sticks, and food in her desk), and my huge new bag of walnuts were gone. AND!!! My container of special ordered non-aspartame gum, which you cannot get just anywhere, and the flavor only lasts for exactly 60 seconds before you’re leaning over a trash can and spitting it out or maybe driving past a certain weather man’s house and throwing it into his yard, but still 60 seconds of minty, chewy flavor is better than nothing. This person by-passed the candy (which was kind of thoughtful) and the pb crackers I never eat. And they got walnuts and crappy, expensive gum that they’re just going to chunk in the dumpster. Oh, well.

I have been real-gum free for a year. (Minus a few setbacks…like today.) Not too long ago my mom asked me if I wanted gum (Mom has always been an excellent gum provider), as she always does, even though I’ve turned it down for the last year on a weekly basis. And my eight year old nephew pipes up and says, “Grandma, she’s on a gum diet.”

So I got invited back to a book club that has been very good to me and Katie Parker. Their book this month is The Christmas Box by Richard Paul Evans. I read this book over ten years ago, and just reread it this week. I didn’t remember exactly being thrilled about the book, but turns out I was wrong. It’s not the most well-written thing, but it’s a great story. I’m a sucker for C’mas stories anyway. And I really liked this book–again.

Speaking of Christmas stories. I’m giving away a beautiful copy of Robin Jones Gunn’s Engaging Father Christmas. This is a short novella about Miranda Carson who thinks she might be getting a proposal with her figgy pudding at Christmas in England. I loved that the romantic lead guy was British! That always adds extra hotness. But wouldn’t you know it–her old boyfriend shows up. (I hate it when I run into old flames in London.) Various other matters complicate her life, but this family-less girl finally finds a home and the meaning of Christmas. I am going to write a bonus chapter where she finds my walnuts and health food store gum.

If you would like to win this cute, touching story, then please leave a comment on this post telling me ONE THING you have on your Christmas list. And if it’s something like “World Peace,” you are immediately disqualified. Leave your comments until Sunday evening. I will draw a name and announce the winner here on Monday. Even if that new front comes in and wipes out the electricity and snows me in for the entire month. I will still post the winner. You have my word.

Say a prayer for this winter weather system. Some of you obviously didn’t pray hard enough for the last one, but you have a second chance to make things right.

Off to perfect my running man…
OH! And a synopsis and sample chapter of Engaging Father Christmas is at the end of my signature. Check it out!
JEN

This week, the

Christian Fiction Blog Alliance

is introducing

Engaging Father Christmas

FaithWords (October 30, 2008)

by

Robin Jones Gunn

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Robin grew up in Orange County, California and has lived in all kinds of interesting places, including Reno and Hawai’i.

She and her husband currently live near Portland, Oregon and have been married for 30 years. They spent their first 22 years of marriage working together in youth ministry, and enjoying life with their son and daughter who are now both grown.

As a frequent speaker at local and international events, one of Robin’s favorite topics is how God is the Relentless Lover and we are His first love. She delights in telling stories of how God uses fiction to change lives.

Robin is the recipient of the Christy Award, the Mt. Hermon Pacesetter Award, the Sherwood E. Wirt Award and is a Gold Medallion Finalist. She also serves on the Board of Directors for Media Associates International and the Board of Directors for Jerry Jenkins’ Christian Writers’ Guild.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Miranda Carson can’t wait to return to England for Christmas and to be with her boyfriend, Ian. She has spent a lifetime yearning for a place to call home, and she’s sure Carlton Heath will be it, especially when a hinted-at engagement ring slips into the conversation.

But Miranda’s high hopes for a jolly Christmas with the small circle of people she has come to love are toppled when Ian’s father is hospitalized and the matriarch of the Whitcombe family withholds her blessing from Miranda. Questions run rampant in Miranda’s mind about whether she really belongs in this cheery corner of the world. Then, when her true identity threatens all her relationships in unanticipated ways, Miranda is certain all is lost.

And yet…maybe Father Christmas has special gifts in store for her after all.

If you would like to read the first chapter of Engaging Father Christmas, go HERE

14 comments

First of all, let me say that I must type quick. We are under a winter weather advisory (a warning I waited allll Tuesday for), and I have a front porch to watch. (Is that sleet? Is that snow? Why isn’t it doing anything? Where’s the freakin’ precip?)  I have been tracking this tiny storm for days, and last night we got a big breakthrough and the front got bigger. But of course, it all depends on the perfect alignment of exactly 5,209,198 factors, so it could either be a dusting of nothing (a dusting of violent anger) or something kinda cool (I get out of school and wear a uniform I like to call “pjs”). So I have a lot to do in terms of continuing to chart this system’s development. A meteorologist stalker’s work is never done.

So every year I have to buy some office gifts, and it always stresses me out. Sometimes I’ve gone with mail order cookies. But then you think…what if they’re crap? Nobody’s going to tell me. What if they bite into the chocolate chip cookie and say, “This tastes just like dookie. Merry Christmas to you, too, Jennifer.” And I’m picky about my cookies, so maybe others are too. And then there are brownies. Mail order brownies are sooo expensive. Like I saw some that were $109 for 18 brownies! I can eat 18 brownies in one sitting. If I’m eating a six dollar brownie, there better be a savings bond stuffed in it or something. And then you think what if I buy those and it doesn’t taste any better than those 25 cent Little Debbie brownies you can get at the Conoco?

In my quest for some good gifts, I have seen almost everything. For instance tonight in searching for cookies, I accidentally stumbled upon ANATOMICALLY correct gingerbread men and women. And if you clicked on a link you could see the picture. . .well, of course I clicked on the link! Who wouldn’t?  And you know SOMEWHERE, someone has Googled “anatomically correct” cookies. Someone has literally requested this. But it wasn’t me. I don’t even like gingerbread. Especially gingerbread with boobs.

Then there are all sorts of weird “of the month” clubs. Like did you know there’s a Bacon of the Month club? That is just disgusting. Do I really want pork products in my mailbox? Um, no.

I even got desperate and looked on QVC and HSN because they’ve started doing mailorder food in the last few years. So how about crab cakes? Have you ever gone to the mailbox and said, “I sure wish there was some seafood in my box right about now.”

I personally don’t like to mix my crab with my cakes, but if I did, I wouldn’t order it ONLINE. Even if Emeril DID make it. Those are 90 dollars for twelve. And if you order in the next ten minutes, the salmonella comes free.

Then on HSN.com Tony Little (The Benny Hinn of fitness) will sell you Bison breakfast strips.

I don’t even know what Bison breakfast strips are or why I’d want to eat them, but I know I’m not sending anyone something for Christmas that resembles beef jerky that’s met the business end of a blowtorch.

You can also order up extra large vats of Tabasco.

What does someone do with a few gallons of Tabasco? And am I duty bound to present this gift with a Jeff Foxworthy video or something? Does it automatically come with a Larry the Cable Guy DVD?

Then there’s bratwurst. I happen to hate brats as they’re just . . .gross. But people who eat them are like connoisseurs. And I don’t think any brat lover worth his salt is gonna be too receptive to getting his sausages from the same place where Susanne Somers’ sells her earring collection and Dr. 90210 hawks those weird, scary bra contraptions that totally creep me out.  On a happier note, the brats do come with mustard. And fake grill marks.

So, yeah, that’s it. If you have any gift giving ideas, please let me know. Hopefully I’ll get out of school with this developing snow system, and I’ll have all day to shop for cheese-of-the-month and chicken liver gift baskets.

Jealous of those of you in Colorado Springs with the white out!!!

JEN

7 comments

Happy Monday to all!

I’m so lucky to even be here to blog. On Friday I almost died. This giant mutant spider snuck into my house, and just before he was ready to pounce on me and fill me with venomous poison, I got him! Check him out. He’s HUGE!

Just to get a size comparison, I have this big rug in my utility room.

So I had no idea how to kill this big thing. I have spiders all the time, but not this hairy and big. My first Wolf Spider. So my mentally challenged cat starts sniffing around it while I’m walking away looking for a big shoe, and I’m like, “No, Miller! Save yourself! Get back! You’re too young (and stupid) to go out like this!” He swats it a few times, then walks away bored. But it was enough to get the spider under the rug. So I RUN back to the rug and just start jumping like a mad woman all over it. “Die, spider, die!” Jump, jump, jump. “Die, hairy beast sent to suck out my blood and leave my zombie corpse!”  Jump, jump, jump. I probably pounced on that thing for a good three or four minutes. I wanted to leave zero chance of that thing being alive. Or in whole pieces. So on Friday night I learned I could do anything…and I REALLY needed to paint my baseboards.  (In my defense, that door goes to the garage, and no one sees that door but me…and gigantic mutant spiders…and the occasional lizard… and tiny rock snake.)

I hope everyone is getting all their Christmas shopping done. I know I am!

Okay, no. I’m not. I will probably be in a Quik Trip on Christmas Eve  desperately buying everyone Laffy Taffy,silk roses, and turquoise encrusted cigarette lighters. The writing life and shopping do not go together I’ve found. Much like the writing life and bathing.

I saw Four Christmases this weekend. It was okay. More of a renter, IMHO. It didn’t have much of a plot, but I really did laugh out loud quite a few times. And who can resist Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn?
I remember Reese’s first movie (that I saw), Man in the Moon. That must’ve been before my personal “Sad Movie Ban” because it was a tear-jerker.

Ralphie from A Christmas Story makes a cameo in Four Christmases, and I really wish they would’ve snuck in a line that winked at that. It totally would’ve fit with his part.

Two of my students got a hold of On the Loose Thursday and read the first few lines. That’s been 5 books ago for me, so I had totally forgotten what it said. So reading aloud (of course), it sounded like this:

Boy Number One: “Another ad for feminine products. Is it just a universal law that if you sit down to watch TV with a guy, you are guaranteed at least two tampon commercials….ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!” Drops book like it’s on fire.

Boy Number Two: “It’s a girls’ book, isn’t it? Ewwww!”

I just laughed and shrugged. “It’s the truth though.”

And then it just disintegrates into a conversation about how many times they’ve had to watch tampon commercials. And obviously they HAD been watching…because they knew the ads verbatim. Wish they knew my quiz materials verbatim.

You know, I was in band in junior high and not very good. So if anybody knows how hard it is to artfully fake it, it’s me. This Walrus in Turkey does a much better job than I did.

Finally, who can’t relate to this clip of a puppy not liking what he sees in the mirror?

Have a lovely week. There is a tiny chance of snow for me Tuesday, so as you pray for the big things like Darfur, the economy, our nation, AIDS, and cancer, please remember to slip in a plea or two for me some snow. Equally important.

JEN

15 comments

I totally have creativity constipation, aka writer’s block. I’ve been staring at a screen for pretty much two months. It’s a fabulous feeling. I keep waiting for that bolt of inspiration, but so far all I’ve managed to do is up my Facebook time. Tonight I’m going to eat ice cream for dinner and see if that will shock my system into being creative. Not that ice cream for dinner is that foreign to this body…

Well, it’s official–the economists have declared that we are in a recession. Good thing they did that. Otherwise we might not have known. . .What a  revelation. I did not see that one coming…three years ago.

So Brit is making her comeback with her new CD. I’m so glad to see she is off the crazy train. Girls like me and Britney, we always find our way back around. We just rise from the ashes–bigger and better than ever. Okay, did I mention I don’t have a fiction-related thought in my head? It’s driving me nuts. My agent once said that Jerry Jenkins will isolate himself in a hotel room to write. OMG, if I did that I’d come out 10 pounds heavier, I’d have gotten no work done due to a Cribs marathon, and I’d probably have spent the rest of my time seeing how far I could spit off the balcony.

And I have some writing friends who go to coffee shops and places like Panera. But I’m too much of a people watcher (eaves dropper) for that. By the end of the day I’d be all pulled up to someone’s table giving them my best Dr. Phil advice. And eating off their plate.

(Insert your own crafty transition here. I can’t think of one since I have blockage of the brain.)  The December issue of Christian Fiction Online Magazine is up! I always look forward to reading this. You can check it out HERE.

Thanks to Erin for sending me THIS LINK where you can send free postcards via the internet to our troops.

Okay, I stole this from my friend’s Facebook page, but it was fun. Here are the rules:

* Grab the book closest to you. Now.
* Go to page 56.
* Find the 5th sentence.
*Write that sentence as your status.
*Copy these instructions as a comment to your status.
*Don’t go looking for your favorite book, or the coolest one you have — just grab the closest one

Here’s mine: “Hard work can age anyone,” Sergei said.
Ain’t that the truth. Wise words from a romance novel…

Now it’s your turn. And tell me from what book you get your line from, too.

Speaking of creativity and writing, I read a GREAT book a few weeks ago. It’s my first suspense book, I think. Brandilyn Collins has written a winner with her latest Dark Pursuit. Her tagline is “Don’t Forget to Breathe,” and honestly I really did find myself gasping and holding my breath a few times. I loved how you were just compelled to turn the pages. Even if you don’t like suspense (and this one is not gory at all), it’s a great study in how to move a plot quickly and keep the reader turning the pages. I mean there was something happening ALL THE TIME. I stayed up ’til like 1 a.m. reading this in one evening. The next morning I was sleep deprived and rolled into school looking like I had hung out with the dry cows all night. You can read a sample chapter below this post. But I give this book two thumbs up.

JEN

This week, the
Christian Fiction Blog Alliance
is introducing
Dark Pursuit
Zondervan (December 1, 2008)
by
Brandilyn Collins

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Brandilyn Collins is known for her trademark Seatbelt Suspense®. She is currently working on her 20th book. For chances to win free copies of her work, join her Fan Club on Facebook. Here’s what Brandilyn has to say about why she wrote Dark Pursuit:

In John Milton’s Paradise Lost Satan’s followers, kicked out of heaven, boast about storming the gates and reclaiming their territory. Beelzebub scoffs at their boasting as merely “hatching vain empires” and suggests a different revengeful scheme: seduce mankind away from God. So Satan visits the Garden of Eden to teach humans the very thing he and his cohorts have learned to be futile—the dark pursuit of hatching their own vain empires instead of following God. He presented man with this “gift” of death, disguised as life. And man fell for it.

Upon this theme of man’s fall and spiritual blindness, I created the characters and events in Dark Pursuit. The story clips along at a fast pace, with much symbolism running underneath.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Dark Pursuit—A twisting story of murder, betrayal, and eternal choices

Novelist Darell Brooke lived for his title as King of Suspense—until an auto accident left him unable to concentrate. Two years later, reclusive and bitter, he wants one thing: to plot a new novel and regain his reputation.

Kaitlan Sering, his twenty-two-year-old granddaughter, once lived for drugs. After she stole from Darell, he cut her off. Now she’s rebuilding her life. But in Kaitlan’s town two women have been murdered, and she’s about to discover a third. She’s even more shocked to realize the culprit—her boyfriend, Craig, the police chief’s son.

Desperate, Kaitlan flees to her estranged grandfather. For over forty years, Darell Brooke has lived suspense. Surely he’ll devise a plan to trap the cunning Craig.

But can Darell’s muddled mind do it? And—if he tries—with what motivation? For Kaitlan’s plight may be the stunning answer to the elusive plot he seeks…

Read the first chapter of Dark Pursuit, HERE.

9 comments