I really wanted to finish writing this last A Charmed Life book this week. And guess what? I’ve been out of school since Tuesday! Four days in a row! The downside is many (and I mean many) people in my region (and nearby states) have been days without power. With many more days left to go. So I feel crazy blessed that I have had electricity (electrical, as Ms. Gabor use to say on Green Acres) this entire time. Like God KNEW I needed this time with my laptop and a certain Word document. (Okay, and Facebook and Hulu.com and Eonline…)  So at the risk of offending all those who are cold, bored, stir crazy, and mad in their powerless homes, I have had such a productive, happy week.

Others? Not so lucky.Check out this email report my friend received from a co-worker, a VP at a major retailer.

We lost power at 7am Tuesday morning.  Telephone quickly followed.   With no
power I don’t know what is really happening in the rest of the world, if
others got hit worst than us, or if anyone else really even survived.
(Hello?  Is anyone out there?)   I just know that 2 days without power has
my wife and kid pacing the house like wild animals (picture “The
Shining”).  I have my Committee weapons strategically placed around the
house in anticipation of looters.  And my solar lanterns are charging during
the day to provide a little lighting for the nighttime hours.  It is quite
cold in the house, our fireplace at least keeping us from freezing.  If I
don’t make it, all suspicion should fall on my wife as she is showing the most
advanced signs of cracking up.  Blackberry battery is running low.  No way
to charge.  This could be it.  God bless us everyone.

Yikes. I hope he didn’t see Fringe Tuesday night. Oh, wait. He didn’t. That would require electricity.

Are you psyched for Super Bowl XIIIIIIIXXVVV? I am! With companies slicing staff like Freddy Krueger in a house of leggy blondes, I wonder if lower budgets will affect the commercial quality. I usually tape the game and fast forward through the useless stuff (anything that involves an oblong sphere) to the commercials. Random trivia: Did you know early footballs were made of pig’s bladders? As if the sport could get any more gross to me. Has anyone else just wanted to be one of those cool girls who like sports? (And who can open a root beer bottle with her teeth…or other things) But I’m not.  While everyone else watching the game is talking stats, plays, and other things above my head, I’m the one who wants to discuss the insanity of wearing white on the field and what exactly a male cheerleader sees when he’s spotting a pom girl.

One advertiser is trying a new gimmick and going with a one second ad. You can see it AND get an ad preview HERE. I love commercials. I was a marketing major for like 5 minutes in college during a phase I like to call “Let’s see how many times I can change my major and lose as many credits as possible.” I love anything to do with ads though. They’re so fun to watch and analyze. Once I took this class that showed us all the hidden dirty images in print ads. I can never look at anything even as innocent as a pudding advertisement now without getting suspicious. Or looking for body parts.

I’m hoping to see this movie this weekend:

Doesn’t that look cute? Man, I DIG Harry Connick, Jr. Loved him in Hope Floats. I would die if I had to live in -40 degree temps, and I don’t even think Harry C. would be enough to make me stick around. (But the crooner and a big fat check might convince me.)  I would seriously have to be on some potent meds to keep my sanity. And the blood flowing. The movie also has that cool dad from Juno. I really like his voice. He could read the grocery list, and it would still come out sarcastic. Now that’s a talent.

Okay, I’m off to write. And stare at some ice. And say a prayer for those still stuck in their TV-less, Internet-less, heat-less homes.In closing, I leave you with a YouTube video of my current favorite song. Or at least it was…

Have a great weekend.

JEN

A friend said I must’ve added a little too much to my snow dance because…my part of Arkansas is now under a state of emergency. It’s pretty bad. I am SO blessed to have power, though I’m afraid to say that out loud. Lots of people do not have power. Like 75k outages for a fairly small region. This morning as I was grumbling over the lack of cable and reminding myself how lucky I was to have electricity, the song “Power in the Blood,” the Selah version, kept running through my head.

Lord, how we need your power. Every day…every hour. Lord how we need your power…

Ha! Could not be more true! I get crabby without electricity! I live in a town that was initially set up to be a retirement community. And it was not exactly built like normal towns in a lot of ways. But one of those ways is that we don’t have natural gas anywhere. (Insert your own joke here… ) So some people have propane tanks, but because I think they make for an unattractive yard ornament, I do not. Most do not. So…a power outage in Retirementville is B-A-D. But so far, so good! My poor friend Randi Jo doesn’t have electricity, and she’s only a few streets away.

So I did not sleep good at all last night. I wrote for three hours in between Facebook and eating breaks worked allll day yesterday. And I decided to reward myself with an hour of American Idol. Then when AI was over, I just kinda sat there soaking up the cable in honor of all those who didn’t have it. And I got sucked into watching Fringe. Now, I had seen this show once before, but I really do everything I can to stay a one show girl due to my reading and emailing addiction literary pursuits. So I sat there and watched about thirty minutes of it. I’m a J.J. Abrams fan anyway (anyone else still mourn the loss of Alias?), so I sat there taking it all in. It was this story of how a computer virus was basically hypnotizing people then simultaneously frying their brains and their hard drives, which would totally tick me off. But I had to see like THREE bodies with brains oozing out of their ears like dried on waffle batter. It was so gross. And guess what I dreamed about? Oozy, seeping weird stuff. When I woke up I KNEW who to blame. Stupid show. THIS is why I watch Chuck. Sure there are lots of guns, but it’s all in good, dorky fun. I know that’s how I like my semi-automatics, don’t you?

If I got brained by an icicle, would I still have to go to work?

My fellow snow zealot Holly is assembling the troops and sledding today. I’m so bummed. I am gluing my butt to my office chair and writing. I WILL finish this book this week. But it’s not just that I love snow days because I don’t have to teach. Aside from power outages, I LOVE everything about snow. Last night I went out and stood in my yard. (And prayed I wouldn’t slip and fall and not be able to crawl back inside and the neighbors would find me the next morning, a shriveled carcass with no makeup and snot frozen to my face.) It was so cool to hear the sound of the snow and the crackle of the trees and ice. I love that!

My friend Leslie, also snowed in, is watching The Women and sending me emails of the funny lines.

Woman No. 1: What are two words that strike fear into the heart of women?
Woman No. 2: Pool party.

Did anyone think Simon Cowell was pathetically mean Tuesday night? That boy seriously needs some Midol. He was awful. And that’s on the Simon Cowell scale of awful, not comparing him to a normal decent person. He acts so bored with AI. And what do you think of Kara, the new judge? Is Paula out after this year?

Thanks for the “hot famous guy” suggestions. Keep them coming. Hollywood’s kinda boring of late, isn’t it? Not anyone that just stands out majorly. Can I admit I have never really gotten the Johnny Depp thing? I really liked him back in the Benny and Joon days. But now? I dunno. At least he’s not the party-like-a-rock-star type. So kudos for that.

Has anyone read anything good lately? I’m excited to read this:

It’s The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, and it just won the Newberry! And look how quick they slapped that Newberry insignia on the book cover. Speedy! I’ve heard this book is EXCELLENT. I hope it doesn’t give me weird oozy nightmares like Fringe.

Did you hear about the woman who was all set to deliver her seven babies? And then comes delivery time, and surprise! There’s eight! And really, what’s one more at that point? You’re already having to buy your own school bus and add on a few wings to the house. But eight? I mean that is so passe. If you’re going to have a bunch of babies, it needs to be at least nine. How are you gonna get your own reality show if you can’t outnumber Jon and Kate? You’re not! Where are this mother’s priorities, for crying out loud?

In other random notes, if you are interested in a writing career, you gotta check out Chip MacGregor’s blog. The last two posts have had GREAT info on the risky business of finding the right agent. And if you’re wanting to be published, you really need one of these guys or girls on your side. Check it out HERE.

Okay, must go write and watch my recorded episode of Oprah on morbidly obese children. It’s fascinating! In a Fringe-brains-coming-out-your-nostrils sort of way.

Have a great day, stay warm, and hope the icy trees don’t fall in around me. That would kinda bite.

JEN

So I had this blog ready to roll out today. . .and then I had to scrap it. I wish I could share with you my experience of last week because it was pretty stinkin’ cool. But I cannot. Let’s just say that a certain girl’s medical issues ALMOST got her on another certain person’s BIG talk show. And even though I found out Sunday night it wouldn’t be happening, I still cannot discuss it anywhere on the net. But if you see me in Wal-Mart, there was nothing in that contract that said we couldn’t chat about it over a bottle of Sam’s Choice water. Oh, I coulda been a contender.

But getting the email Sunday afternoon that said, “It’s not gonna happen” actually was a weird relief. Because if I was on the show, I was going to be Skyped in. And my house/internet service can’t support that. So…I was going to have to go into another town and use my friend’s house. BUT…we’re getting ice Monday night through Wed., and Wednesday being the taping day. So I was FREAKING out that I would get iced in and not be able to travel 25 minutes down the road. And I was trying to figure out which of my neighbor’s houses I could break into to use their internet service. Probably not the one with the big inside dog.

And then everyone I knew started emailing, texting and Facebooking me to say, “Snow day this week?” Because everyone KNOWS if there is a snow day within this millenium, I have the system charted, graphed, and its probability mathematically calculated. But. . .I was so torn between wanting a snow day and yet mostly not, that I had to ACT all excited about the possibility of school-closing ice. And I felt like such a fraud. I felt all conflicted inside and thought…who have I become? Dangle the chance of television exposure in front of my face and I’m already changing! Not about to pee my pants over the chance of snow? I don’t even RECOGNIZE myself anymore! Am…am I turning into a diva already? Oh, my gosh, the high cost of fame! If it makes me not want snow, I want nothing to do with it!

So when I got the “afraid not” email from the anonymous talk show, I had a millisecond of “awww. poop” then immediately flipped my TV to the Weather Channel, grabbed my laptop to find the front, and went to work on preparing for a day out of school. The good Lord giveth…and the good Lord taketh.

So yeah, supposed to get ice. Twenty-four hours of it, topped off by 3 hours of light snow. I’m excited. Even though it was supposed to have started a few hours ago. . .and really hasn’t. Things aren’t icy yet. They’re glisteny. But they’re not icy. And a light sheen on the roads will NOT get me out of school tomorrow.

Now I’m really strapped for something to talk about. I had TWO whole blogs all done about my crazy week last week. Um. . .thinking, thinking.

I know. Prince Harry and his girlfriend broke up. So if you are 25 or younger, you should probably brush up your dating resume and send it in. Can you imagine being married to a prince? And he’s the cute one! He didn’t use to be, but somewhere along the way, he pulled ahead. I wonder if he’s on eHarmony…

Back in December I posted a teaser to the Katie Parker Christmas story that appeared in Brio magazine. You can now find ALL of this short story HERE. And in Brio related news, Brio is sadly no more. But the cool thing is, the magazine staff has decided to start their own magazine called Susie. I’m SO excited about this magazine. The first issue is slated for May. You can read all about it at editor and creator Susie Shellenberger’s blog. Susie and the staff have SUCH a heart for teen girls. Right now Susie is giving away tons of stuff on her blog, so be sure and check it out. I tried to donate poster-sized Jenny B. Jones cutouts, but they turned them down. I don’t know why.

Did I mention there’s no ice yet?

I’m making chili right now. I don’t really love chili, but it’s like 200 below here, so it seemed like the thing to do. And it’s a new recipe. I call it Recipe No. 156,975,124, 009. Because every time I make it, it doesn’t turn out that great, so I toss the recipe and find a new one. And another new one…and another. And don’t even get me started on the chicken soup I made last week. Ugh.

You know, sometimes when I get down about a lack of ice and decent chili, I turn to someone who always lifts me up. Someone who works with what she’s got and knows how to turn that frown upside down.

So speaking of Prince Harry, one of the things I struggle with when I write is finding contemporary famous dudes to use as examples of hotness. They have to have staying power, you know? I can’t pick someone who is cool one day and a waiter at El Chico’s the next. But it seems the Hollywood guys I think of as classics are either old or crazy (cough! Tom Cruise! cough!).  For example, just today a person who works at anonymous talk show said “Clooney is starting to look like Yoda.” (Please don’t sue me for using your quote!)  While George Clooney does not make me all weak in the knees, he does exude that “something.” He’s very Cary Grant to me. As my friend Holly would say, “He knows how to bring the sexy.” He’s old Hollywood to me. Especially now that he’s washing that gray right out of his hair. And then in writing YA books, I struggle with picking young, hip actors to mention that will still be around a year after the book release. Like right now I think Zac Efron is a decent bet, but still a bit iffy. So whether you’re a teenager or a remedial teenager, who is your pick for hot celebrity guy? And tell me what you like about  him. (George Clooney is Yoda…bah! He’s at LEAST a Chewbacca. . . )

So give me your man list. It will give me something happy to ponder when I’m throwing out my next batch of chili.

JEN

What a week, eh? The inauguration, the Oscar announcements, and if you’re an Ellen watcher, she finally found old George Clooney. (I’ve been waiting for him for quite a while too…)

Speaking of Ellen DeGeneres, this is going all over Facebook, so you might’ve seen it. But if not, check this out.

If that woman were in my family, I wouldn’t miss a single reunion. Heck, I’d host them.

This morning I grabbed some black pants that I hadn’t worn in at least a year. Maybe two. And they did not fit. I don’t mean they were a little tight. I mean they pretty much stopped at my knees. I have GOT to quit eating so many Fritos and donuts. And fajitas. And ice cream. And queso. And cereal. And broccoli.

Have you ever had one of those pants-are-too-tight days? I’m sure they just shrank in my dryer. . .even though I don’t dry my pants. Ever. And the whole reason I even got them out is because I couldn’t find my “real” pair of black pants. I have three that I wear (and no, they don’t all look the same. Not much anyway. Okay, well sorta) and two were dirty. So that one good pair…couldn’t find it. I tend to lose black pants. I have no idea how. How do you LOSE a pair of pants if you’re a normal, sober person who always keeps her clothes on? Anyway, time was running out, so after I realized that wearing the old black pants would require the jaws of life to zip, I threw on a pair of jeans. Tragic.

Tuesday I asked my students if President Obama told them he’d do/change anything they asked, what would they request. Here are some of their responses:

1. Make the United States a nuclear wasteland so everyone’s like the game on Fallout.

2. To make the sun less bright. It shines in my bedroom. (To which another student responded, “Um…get some blinds.”)

3. Give me supreme military command of the US. I’d annex Canada, destroy Russia, and take over China, dominating the world in one fell swoop.

4. We don’t have to make up snow days. (I personally think that’s a good one And much better than world annihilation. )

5. Student A: Go to school three days a week.
Student B: Why don’t you just say we don’t go to school at all?
Student A: Because I don’t want to be stupid!

The rest of the answers were a little less uninspiring. Especially after I informed them legalizing drugs was not an acceptable response. ( And sadly, yes, it is possible to hear worse answers than wiping out entire countries.) These are the same kids who just last week told me some favorite songs were “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb, You Gotta Be Tough,” by the Smut Peddlers. And there’s 4000 Kelvin. And Boxful of Sharp Objects. (As a teacher, sometimes I wish I had access to a boxful of sharp objects…)

Tuesday when I illegally left my students unattended to get a Diet Dr. Pepper and follow the mysterious aroma of cake, I came across this ninth grader who was sneaking (literally) and hopping down the hall. I stoppped. He stopped. I said, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”
“You’re up to something. You look suspicious.”
“Um…I was just being a ninja.”
“Oh. Carry on then.”

I’m really liking THIS SONG. I dedicate it to mini chocolate gems. Now that they stock them in the teacher snack machine this year, I have them about once a week. I used to have them ONCE A FLIPPIN’ YEAR. Back when I could wear ALL my black pants.

Not fitting into my clothes just makes me mad. Like THIS kind of mad…

I hope you have a great weekend. And I hope you love Jesus as much as Gladys.

JEN

Written Tuesday…

No matter who you voted for in November, today should have been an exciting day. Change is in the air, and history was made.

I love new beginnings. I don’t care who’s in or who’s out, I love the changing of the presidential guard. We watched the inauguration in class today, and moi, a girl who doesn’t cry for anything besides road kill, sad pet stories, and the sight of the last donut, totally teared up a few times. I think I enjoyed the processional more than the actual event. Watching all those dignitaries walk to their seats and being so regally introduced. Watching people who had stood with Dr. King (who also would’ve wanted me to have his holiday off) now see an African American president two hundred and thirty-two years after the words “And we hold these truths to be self-evident…”

Then there were the cameras set up in other parts of the world. How strange that the world is rooting for this man, that they have hopes hinged on him. The children in Indonesia were at school ’til midnight to see this event. This man may not represent my values, but he represents something to these kids that I, as a pasty white girl, do not fully comprehend. Nor do I understand being at school after 3 for any reason for that matter…

I loved the quiet as I went down the hall this morning. Kids were silent, and all I heard was the simultaneous sounds of the inauguration coming from most rooms. My kids seeing history…and knowing it held their attention…but not sure why. Of course, Aretha Franklin’s hat would capture anyone’s attention. And a 747.

And I had to leave my classroom. Because I needed to toast this event with a Diet Dr. Pepper…and I smelled cake. (It’s still a mystery…)

Here are the things I noticed:

1. It was 27 degrees, and Mrs. Bush is going to catch pneumonia with that excuse for a coat.
2. You know you’re great when Aretha Franklin sings for you.
3. The composed instrumental piece needed a little something. I’m thinking rapper T.I.
4. The poem…I dunno. As one of my kids said, “That didn’t even rhyme.”
5. Some people just did not look happy to be there. I would’ve been smiling all over the place. Maybe their lips were frozen. That would be understandable.
6. Look how spry Jimmy Carter is. He’s like speed walking!

It was cool to watch the Obama girls and their reactions and expressions. You could even tell the moment their attention span had been maxed out. And one of the girls was taking pictures. The world is watching her…and she’s taking pictures of them. It was an ironic moment I thought. Because she’s still just a girl. And they have no idea what they’re getting into. They will forever be famous, forever be watched, forever be scrutinized. This means they probably won’t get to wear sweats as much as I do.

I liked Obama’s line in his speech that said, “Chancho. When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It’s for fun.”  Wait…that’s not right.  All these life-changing quotes in my head. Obama’s might’ve been something more like, “Greatness is not a gift. It must be earned.” That was really inspirational. And I wish he’d personally tell that to the cast of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Whether Obama was your guy or not, whether you think his presidency is the ushering in of dynamic change or Armageddon, this is a time to pray and get on board. I wouldn’t wish the job of president on anyone, so I’m glad there are people to step up and take the challenge so I can continue with my lazy life of eating cereal, watching American Idol, and not ruling a nation. It’s an exciting time, and I was proud for America today. Our first African American president…and we got to see it….live it…and hope some crazy white guy in a wife beater didn’t break through security and go Rambo on our president.

All was well today. And all will be well in our country again.

Happy Inauguration Day!

JEN