Big Booties and Bailouts

Did you know new research is out that says if you lean towards a big butt (has to be your own…not someone else's), the fat in your tush is actually healthy! Seems women with a Jenny From the Block Bootie have fat in the trunk that releases hormones that can protect against diabetes, heart disease, and butt fatigue from riding a bike. Just another reason to eat ice cream and M&Ms.

You know, these days everyone is asking for a bailout. And I mean EVERYONE. Apparently the world of smut has been hard hit in this recession (awwww…), so move over CitiBank and Chevrolet because Hustler and Girls Gone Wild want their share. Seems it's been tough for the boob industry, so it's only right that the government share the love. And the money. Nevermind that there are people starving out there. Or jobless. And teachers are selling ADVERTISING on test pages to pay for supplies. I would hate for this American institution to take a hit.

Speaking of throwing money to the wind, did you read last week that the Bush family purchased new china for the White House that cost $500,000? What in the HECK? Do you know how many paper plates that could buy? That is a lot of Dixie cups. And the good thing with disposable ware…nobody has to wash them. Because let's face it, nobody wants to have the job of scraping the president's stuck-on au jus.

Remember Lisa Bonet of the Cosby Show? Apparently in the nineties she changed her name to Lilakoi Moon (who wouldn't?). She recently had a baby (not by ex Lenny Kravitz, but maybe the child will be cool anyway), and his name is Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. That is a teacher's nightmare. On the first day of school I always say, “Okay, I'm going to call your name. You're going to do two things. One, you're going to raise your hand so I can put a name to a face. And two, you're going to tell me how badly I botched up your name.” Sometimes I look at a name, and I just want to say, “Please tell your mom that the pronunciation of your name is phonetically impossible.” You can't just throw some letters together and sound it out any way you want! Some people have no respect for their vowels and consonants.

I'm loving this song right now.

I don't know why I like it. It's not like I relate to it. I'm not a Kansas princess, and I've never jacked a truck up in my life. I have a hard enough time getting in a regular truck. Or my Accord…  I think I'm just feeling concert deprived though. I haven't been to a concert since this summer. I usually go every 4 months or so. But my friends and I decided we'd cut back since we're taking a big vacation this summer. Actually when we talked about cutting back, the concert thing wasn't my idea. But they didn't think my suggestions to cut out comic books, skate boarding, and pickles were very helpful or cost effective. Whatever. I haven't seen a Tomlin concert in like a year, and I'm not a better person for it no matter how much more is in my wallet.

I totally stole this YouTube clip off my technie genius friend Joel's Facebook page. I'm not even married, and this is funny. I love the part at 1:07.

Well, have a great week. I'll be suffering through a snowless Arctic front one myself. And probably crying. And writing some heartfelt, snowless haikus of the dark soul.


Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 8 comments
Timothy Fish - January 12, 2009

I’m sure $500,000 would buy fewer paper plates than you might think. If they were going to buy paper plates, someone would have to define the specifications of the paper plate, then they would have to put it out for suppliers to bid on providing paper plates. Someone would have to evaluate the paper plates from the suppliers to make sure they met the requirements. I’m sure they would have to do an environmental impact study to determine how dangerous it would be to put these paper plates in the landfill. Maybe they would decide to have someone wash the paper plates so they could recycle them. For all I know, by the time you engineer a paper plate that’s thick enough and attractive enough to meet the requirements of formal dinners at the White House, it would be cheaper to buy China plates.

Shauna - January 12, 2009

“You can’t just throw some letters together and sound it out any way you want! Some people have no respect for their vowels and consonants.”

Preach it! I heard a woman complain because people were constantly pronouncing her daughter’s name the “wrong” way. It was spelled Genie, and people quite reasonably assumed it was pronounced like the little guy who pops out of a lamp. The “correct” pronunciation was juh-NYE.

Bethany Ellis - January 12, 2009

WOAHHH You and me and my mom should so have a club for the that whole name thing. Seriously. We hate it, too. It’s crazy!!!! 😀

Juan's woman - January 12, 2009

Love the video….the wigs are awesome!

jen - January 12, 2009

The wigs are awesome. They are so Hall and Oates.
Genie is gee-nee! What in the world?

Timothy, so right. There’s a Baptist joke in there somewhere.

Danica - January 13, 2009

Right… so we know that my name was IMPOSSIBLE to grow up with. My mom seriously needed to provide an instruction manual, and my name is a real name.

I messed up big time naming my daughter Bayley. In my defense, I have a husband who can’t spell to save his life. Whenever he wrote the baby’s name down, this is how he spelled it, so that’s what we used. I figured a lifetime of typos from everyone else was better than her own DAD getting it wrong. So the rest of the world, including her teachers, keeps writing Bailey, and I just mark a “y” over the “i”.

So I wonder… since our odd spelling is a direct result of the illiteracy of my hubby, how many other crazy names are also the result of illiteracy? They didn’t learn the basics, so rather than John, they name the kid Juwahn, and you’re wishing they just spelled it John and got it over with already.

Maybe, instead of bailing out those other industries, we should funnel a few of those billions to the schools so folks learn to read and write, and then we can start giving kids normal names again, you know?

Jen - January 13, 2009

Danica, Bayley doesn’t count! I can totally read that and know how to pronounce her name! I’m talking about people leaving out entire letter chunks. Like my friend taught a little girl named Shenasty. SHENASTY! So she pronounced it Shuh-nasty. And the mom was like, “Duh! Her name is …” Okay, I don’t actually remember how you pronounced the actual version, but it was about as far away from Shenasty as Josephine. And then LAST year she had a kid whose first name was the same as his last. Like his name was Johnson Johnson. On purpose.

And people mess up Danica? What do they say? At least you have an original name. Jennifer Jones? Are you KIDDING ME?

Sarah - December 2, 2011

I love the Cosby show! my sister gets super annoyed win i watch while shes home though…


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