Big Booties and Bailouts

Did you know new research is out that says if you lean towards a big butt (has to be your own…not someone else’s), the fat in your tush is actually healthy! Seems women with a Jenny From the Block Bootie have fat in the trunk that releases hormones that can protect against diabetes, heart disease, and butt fatigue from riding a bike. Just another reason to eat ice cream and M&Ms.

You know, these days everyone is asking for a bailout. And I mean EVERYONE. Apparently the world of smut has been hard hit in this recession (awwww…), so move over CitiBank and Chevrolet because Hustler and Girls Gone Wild want their share. Seems it’s been tough for the boob industry, so it’s only right that the government share the love. And the money. Nevermind that there are people starving out there. Or jobless. And teachers are selling ADVERTISING on test pages to pay for supplies. I would hate for this American institution to take a hit.

Speaking of throwing money to the wind, did you read last week that the Bush family purchased new china for the White House that cost $500,000? What in the HECK? Do you know how many paper plates that could buy? That is a lot of Dixie cups. And the good thing with disposable ware…nobody has to wash them. Because let’s face it, nobody wants to have the job of scraping the president’s stuck-on au jus.

Remember Lisa Bonet of the Cosby Show? Apparently in the nineties she changed her name to Lilakoi Moon (who wouldn’t?). She recently had a baby (not by ex Lenny Kravitz, but maybe the child will be cool anyway), and his name is Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. That is a teacher’s nightmare. On the first day of school I always say, “Okay, I’m going to call your name. You’re going to do two things. One, you’re going to raise your hand so I can put a name to a face. And two, you’re going to tell me how badly I botched up your name.” Sometimes I look at a name, and I just want to say, “Please tell your mom that the pronunciation of your name is phonetically impossible.” You can’t just throw some letters together and sound it out any way you want! Some people have no respect for their vowels and consonants.

I’m loving this song right now.

I don’t know why I like it. It’s not like I relate to it. I’m not a Kansas princess, and I’ve never jacked a truck up in my life. I have a hard enough time getting in a regular truck. Or my Accord…  I think I’m just feeling concert deprived though. I haven’t been to a concert since this summer. I usually go every 4 months or so. But my friends and I decided we’d cut back since we’re taking a big vacation this summer. Actually when we talked about cutting back, the concert thing wasn’t my idea. But they didn’t think my suggestions to cut out comic books, skate boarding, and pickles were very helpful or cost effective. Whatever. I haven’t seen a Tomlin concert in like a year, and I’m not a better person for it no matter how much more is in my wallet.

I totally stole this YouTube clip off my technie genius friend Joel’s Facebook page. I’m not even married, and this is funny. I love the part at 1:07.

Well, have a great week. I’ll be suffering through a snowless Arctic front one myself. And probably crying. And writing some heartfelt, snowless haikus of the dark soul.