What a week, eh? The inauguration, the Oscar announcements, and if you’re an Ellen watcher, she finally found old George Clooney. (I’ve been waiting for him for quite a while too…)

Speaking of Ellen DeGeneres, this is going all over Facebook, so you might’ve seen it. But if not, check this out.

If that woman were in my family, I wouldn’t miss a single reunion. Heck, I’d host them.

This morning I grabbed some black pants that I hadn’t worn in at least a year. Maybe two. And they did not fit. I don’t mean they were a little tight. I mean they pretty much stopped at my knees. I have GOT to quit eating so many Fritos and donuts. And fajitas. And ice cream. And queso. And cereal. And broccoli.

Have you ever had one of those pants-are-too-tight days? I’m sure they just shrank in my dryer. . .even though I don’t dry my pants. Ever. And the whole reason I even got them out is because I couldn’t find my “real” pair of black pants. I have three that I wear (and no, they don’t all look the same. Not much anyway. Okay, well sorta) and two were dirty. So that one good pair…couldn’t find it. I tend to lose black pants. I have no idea how. How do you LOSE a pair of pants if you’re a normal, sober person who always keeps her clothes on? Anyway, time was running out, so after I realized that wearing the old black pants would require the jaws of life to zip, I threw on a pair of jeans. Tragic.

Tuesday I asked my students if President Obama told them he’d do/change anything they asked, what would they request. Here are some of their responses:

1. Make the United States a nuclear wasteland so everyone’s like the game on Fallout.

2. To make the sun less bright. It shines in my bedroom. (To which another student responded, “Um…get some blinds.”)

3. Give me supreme military command of the US. I’d annex Canada, destroy Russia, and take over China, dominating the world in one fell swoop.

4. We don’t have to make up snow days. (I personally think that’s a good one And much better than world annihilation. )

5. Student A: Go to school three days a week.
Student B: Why don’t you just say we don’t go to school at all?
Student A: Because I don’t want to be stupid!

The rest of the answers were a little less uninspiring. Especially after I informed them legalizing drugs was not an acceptable response. ( And sadly, yes, it is possible to hear worse answers than wiping out entire countries.) These are the same kids who just last week told me some favorite songs were “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb, You Gotta Be Tough,” by the Smut Peddlers. And there’s 4000 Kelvin. And Boxful of Sharp Objects. (As a teacher, sometimes I wish I had access to a boxful of sharp objects…)

Tuesday when I illegally left my students unattended to get a Diet Dr. Pepper and follow the mysterious aroma of cake, I came across this ninth grader who was sneaking (literally) and hopping down the hall. I stoppped. He stopped. I said, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”
“You’re up to something. You look suspicious.”
“Um…I was just being a ninja.”
“Oh. Carry on then.”

I’m really liking THIS SONG. I dedicate it to mini chocolate gems. Now that they stock them in the teacher snack machine this year, I have them about once a week. I used to have them ONCE A FLIPPIN’ YEAR. Back when I could wear ALL my black pants.

Not fitting into my clothes just makes me mad. Like THIS kind of mad…

I hope you have a great weekend. And I hope you love Jesus as much as Gladys.

JEN

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