Happy Monday!

I am so ready for spring to get here, aren’t you? I miss the sun. And warmth. And being able to run (okay, walk) without looking like the abominable snowman on the trail. And when spring arrives the Bark Park at the walking trail opens back up, and the dogs will all come back. I LOVE looking at all the puppies. Animals are the best. Except mine. Who yaks, meows, sheds, and yaks. But whatever.

Did you have a good weekend? Did anyone see Madea Goes to Jail? If you did, don’t tell me how it ends. But I bet she pulled out the glock, didn’t she? Aw, I love that. If I ever met some bad people in a dark alley, I would totally want Madea on my side.

Did you know Jerry Springer is going to be starring in Chicago in London? I hear you can get free baby-daddy testing during intermission. But you have to pay extra if you want to throw a few chairs afterward.

Also, do you know what showed up on fashion runways recently? It’s bad…you might want to take a seat for this…SHOULDER PADS. UGH. For those of us who survived the eighties, I do NOT want to relive shoulder pads. I always just ripped ‘em out and stuffed them in my bra anyway. Unless you were on Dynasty or Dallas, shoulder pads did not flatter you. So just say no. Of course I said I was going to say no to skinny jeans, and I ended up caving on those. But I don’t wear them. They tend to fall off. But that’s another story. For probably another audience.

A few weeks ago Steve Martin was on Saturday Night Live. I didn’t like the sketches, which was tragic. Because I really like and respect Steve Martin. He just seems like a decent chap. He has to be! He plays bluegrass for crying out loud. Did you know he’s an expert banjo player? This isn’t his best work, but it’s still kinda cute.

Women are so misunderstood, aren’t they? According to The News Star, a Louisiana woman shot her boyfriend because according to the police report,  “he was bothering her wouldn’t let her sleep.” And they charged her! I mean, he lived. Come on! He just took a little bullet to the hip. A lady needs her sleep! You do NOT want to mess with that. I am an absolute force of evil when I’m sleep deprived. Isn’t there someone we can contact about this? Let’s all write our senators. It’s not like they’re busy balancing a budget or anything.

So I took a road trip this weekend. A long one. As in the kind where you have twenty hours to think of two million reasons why you didn’t fly. I could come up with like two. And they weren’t good ones. I’m just not a good road tripper. I used to be. I don’t know what happened. I guess now I’m old enough I’m expected to drive, and I don’t know if there’s anything I dislike more than driving. It ranks right up there with eating green peas and paper cuts. I was not one of those teenagers who had driving fever. I didn’t get a license until I was a senior. I kept waiting around for someone to invent a car that drives itself. And finally I had to give in and realize the idea was still a few years (decades) away. But somewhere…some place…there must be someone with  me in mind, creating the invention that will change my life and make me love the open road a little more. Driving is JUST so boring.

On my very first car, I had a foot rest, and so driving was a little bit better. (Don’t ask…it was just…there.) But I’ve never been lucky enough to have a foot rest again. Driving puts my butt to sleep and makes me cranky because I get so bored. And you have to like pay attention. Things that require paying attention are so lame! I don’t want to pay attention. So if everyone else is paying attention, then that should be good enough. Maybe traveling would be more fun for me if I had a hover craft.

Don’t forget I’m still looking for cute slogans for our Race for the Cure team. Keep ‘em coming!

Have a great week-
JEN

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