Bachelor Dandies, Drinkers of Brandies, What Do I Know Of Those?
These are tough, tough times we’re living in, people. If I needed any more proof, I got it this week in our how-to speeches at school. Every semester we do these speeches where students demonstrate or teach a process. How to fly a kite, how to do a back fip, how to make chocolate chip cookies. They are usually really heavy on food topics because if they bring enough for everyone (and double for the teacher), they get to share the food and eat in class. But this semester, kids are either opting not to do food speeches, or they are just bringing enough to show the end product and not enough to share. It’s been a tough two days for me, honestly. I’m used to going home after each day of speeches and having to immediately put my stretchy pants on.
I always put a cap on each topic, so only one kid can do chocolate pie, for example. One semester, I thought, why do I do this? What’s the worst that can happen–I get 30 speeches on brownies? And this is a problem because…?Â So I lifted myÂ one speech per topic ban. And sure enough, we had a million speeches on brownies. And by the end of the week, I was about to RALPH if I ate one more brownie. I was TURNING them away even. And I just felt so down. I was like, “I’m so mad I feel about this way toward brownies. This is wrong. I am harboring hate in my heart over the chocolately goodness of a brownie, and I don’t want to be this person anymore. I don’t even recognize myself. Next I’ll be kicking puppies!”Â I had to eat a lot of Ben and Jerry’s to erase my brownie overdose. But I learned a valuable lesson that week. From then on, only one kid (per class) could do any one speech topic, soÂ now I appreciate and value the brownie. And the chocolate chip cookie. And the chocolate truffle. And the strawberry pie. And the fruit smoothie.
Today I heard a cool speech on how to speed-fold a t-shirt. But I had a feeling either this kid’s mom worked at Gap or he had pulled it from YouTube. Sure enough…it’s from YouTube.
Here is is again in Chinese or Japanese if you want to learn to fold a t-shirt AND develop those language skills.
It was still a fascinating speech (I’m also easily entertained). But as someone who thinks “folding a t-shirt” means keepÂ it in a wad in a laundry basket, I was really impressed. It was one of those speeches where I was like, “I’m so gonna go home and try this. . .this and the jujitsu death chop from the last speech.”
So I don’t watch The Bachelor (haven’t since season one), but I could tell almost from the beginning that this season was different. People were talking about it. Constantly. And I really wanted to be in the convo because I hate being out of the water cooler loop. But I never tuned in. And now I REALLY regret it. When the winner was chosen, everyone LIT Facebook on fire. “I’m so mad!” “I saw it coming!”Â “Jason’s a loser, and I want to throw him in a vat of hot oil!”Â But when I pulled up the articles and show summaries, I was still clueless. He had a fiancee but he dumped her and went for the other one? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Did he give a rose to girl number one, then take it back? I don’t get it!!! And does it matter? No bachelor has ever kept the girl. None. This is exactly why I don’t go on the show…
I’m really trying to work on my negativity these days, but I’m gonna put that lofty (and often boring) goal on pause and rail on Octomom. I am so SICK of Octomom. When someone does something for attention, you DON’T GIVE THEM ATTENTION. That’s how it works! Any of us who grew up with siblings know this. Today she was seen coming out of the Dr. Phil studios. I wish everyone would get off this gravy train and just be silent on the issue. The woman is messed up in the head, and it’s all Entertainment Tonight can talk about. Okay, so that’s the real issue here for me. It’s not that I’m heartbroken for those kids or this woman’s fragile mental state. I want ET to quit talking about it and get back to dissing Britney and Paris! I want to see what Tom Cruise is up to! I want to know the update on Chris Smacks-A-Lot Brown! A woman who PURPOSELY had 14 babies is not of interest to me. Octomom, you BORE me. You and your Angelina Jolie face need to get a plan, get a job, and get a life. And get off my Entertainment Tonight!Â Obviously I haven’t advanced very far in the Positivity 12 Step program. But it’s not my fault. . .
I hope you have a lovely mid-week. It’s warming up here in a big way in Arkansas, and I need some good weather before we have to endure a brutal time change this weekend. Bring on the sun.