I need Friday at 4 p.m. like I need a candy bar. UGH. What a week. Thoughts of chocolate and sweets are consuming me. But I must resist. I’ve been mostly sweet free for a whole week! I have caved and bought cereal (and not the kind that’s all packed with ingredients like “wheat” or “fiber”). Well, there is wheat in the cereal title. But there’s also frosting involved, so they probably cancel each other out.

Did you guys watch American Idol? Paula was a little wacky. And what’s up with her face being so puffy? Did she get some fresh injections of Botox? She makes me uncomfortable, but yet, I don’t want to see her go. Who else could move herself to tears just by saying things like, “Nice skirt?” And Jorge is gone. That makes me sad. He doesn’t scream “star,” but I thought he had a good voice. And I liked to hear him talk. And my Latino students need some role models. Paula isn’t it. Plus, she wears dead chickens around her neck and calls it fashion. And on Tuesday night, I swear she had a bedazzled license plate around her wrist.

Thanks to the fabulous Jocelyn B. for sending me this YouTube clip. It took me a sec to figure out what the little girl is doing, but she’s “reading” the book.

“I want pie!”  “I want beef jerky!” That’s awesome. I want pie too. That girl’s a future writer.

So when I get in the last 3 weeks or so of a deadline, I tend to hole up in my house and not shop. At least not shop in a store. No, I ONLINE shop. And unfortunately I know all the little tricks to getting free shipping and discounts. It’s not good. Like right now, I need running shoes. So I have fourteen (yes, I said FOURTEEN) pairs of shoes in my living room from Zappos.com. And I don’t think any of them are winners. I can’t believe Zappos hasn’t cut me off yet. I have no idea how those people afford to stay in business. They overnight every single pair of shoes you order. For “free.” And then they have free return shipping, which I obviously take full advantage of. A few months ago, Zappos ran a contest, and for ten thousand dollars, they were selling off the opportunity to ban your spouse from ever shopping there again. As in your husband could fork over 10 grand, and if he did, you were forever banned from shopping there. I never heard how it turned out, but I was waiting for the Zappos CEO to kick in 10 thou with my name on it. I’ve probably ordered close to 100 pairs of shoes and only kept about um….three. But what I lack in sales, I make up for in appreciation. Zappos is awesome!  Are there any other online sellers I should be aware of? (legal ones…and not any with 1-900 numbers…)

I was so glad to read that Chris Brown dropped out of the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice awards. At first Nickelodeon played it off as they had dropped him, but that’s not how it happened apparently. Can you imagine letting him go on? What a role model for kids. I can’t believe a group of moms didn’t get together and hog-tie someone at Nickelodeon. When I read the article, I scrolled down to check the comments and saw this one that made me laugh. If true, this is great news for runner-up nominee Ike Turner.

Did you see where Anne Heche, star of cancelled show Men in Trees, and her boyfriend had a baby?  Atlas. They named him Atlas. Can you IMAGINE all the jokes that kid is gonna endure? Anytime someone is  lost, it’s gonna be, “Get the Atlas.” I have a friend who lives and dies by her atlas, so that would be something she would name her kid. And if she had two, it could be Atlas and Map. I’ll name mine GPS. Because I don’t know which end of an atlas is up. Nor do I want to. I open one of those and get all dizzy and faint. “So many squiggly lines…highway markers…don’t understand…take it away…far, far away.” Besides, if I get lost, I go into a McDonald’s or convenience store and ask directions! It’s the neatest thing. Because not only do you get information, but you can also get snacks at the same time. What do I get when I pop open an atlas? A big-o-headache and an inferiority complex over the fact that I don’t know my north from south.

Okay, I’m no fashion genius, but WHAT was Katie Holmes thinking? First of all, that red skirt is supposed to match what–her underwear? Because I don’t see anything red there. And two, stirrup leggings? No, no, no. I had a pair of these the first time around in the original 80s, and they are nobody’s friend. Mine said “Mary Lou Retton” on them, but we won’t talk about that, because not only did they not make me look cool, they did not magically help me do triple flip back handsprings either. Joey Potter would be ashamed of her clothes. (But maybe not the hair. I like it. It’s a total upgrade and makes her look more her age vs. that cyborg look she’s been sporting.)

Okay, must go. Work to do and shoes to order. Have a great weekend!!!

JEN

Besides the Fat Paychecks, This is Why I Teach I'm sad to say this semester's group of kids aren't as quote-worthy as my previous group. But I finally...

Stress Is A Six Letter Word So I'm stressed. I have a lot going on and nothing getting done. Plus all my neighbors are outdoing me...

RELEASE WEEK On the Loose hits shelves this week. I know, I know there will be lines and people camping out at midnight...