How is it Monday…again?

So we know I live in the general area of Wal-Mart headquarters. And celebrities come through from time to time to the home office for the monthly meeting. I’ve seen Oprah, Denzel, Harrison Ford, Paula Deen, and some guy I didn’t know. They do this to promote something Wal-Mart is carrying of theirs, whether it’s cookware or a newly released DVD. So guess who was there this past Saturday? I’ll give you one HINT: Edward. So I had the chance to go, and I really intended to. I thought, “This is blog GOLD.” Can you imagine? If I had pics of Robert Pattison, this would be the coolest blog on the planet. But um. . .it didn’t happen. So to fight off the fourteen year olds and get a good seat, I was going to have to get up at like four a.m. to wait outside the meeting location. In the cold. And my Wal-Mart employee friend who was going said she was going to eat mini chocolate donuts in front of me. KNOWING I can’t have any because it’s ban-sweets-and-Diet Dr. Pepper-March. (And flossing.)  And I’ve been writing like crazy–especially on the weekends, and I KNEW I was going to be up ’til at least midnight the evening before Edward. So I was like…ugh….four hours of sleep? Get out in the 32 degree weather? Elbow my way to the front in the herds of teen girls? Not eat donuts?

So I didn’t go. I know!!! But it turns out it was okay, because he apparently was really awkward (which I would’ve thoroughly enjoyed) and only stayed for five minutes (which would’ve  made me go ballistic, except maybe not, because I would be too tired and deprived of Diet Dr. Pepper, so maybe I would’ve just stood up and drooled on him). So yeah, I didn’t go. My chances of seeing anyone famous are probably pretty slim for a while–at least until June when Wal-Mart has it’s stockholder meeting (tons of celebs) and it’s annual concert. And since I am a significant share holder (um. . .I have one share), I will be in attendance. And I will also be eating donuts by then, which is awesome because at the shareholder meeting they have FREE, unlimited supply of mini donuts, and I’m not even kidding.

Have I ever mentioned I hate shopping? I really do. I don’t mind it when I have nothing to buy, but when you HAVE to have something, it’s miserable. And I’m a hard fit. I’m short, and it’s like designers think petites are circus fat or near-death anorexic. Not much in between. AND all the petite clothes are things my grandma would’ve turned her nose at. Like clothes that have matching velcro shoes somewhere. Clothes shopping stresses me out! So I have this thing, and I have to have some clothes for it. I need some dress clothes. No, some nice clothes. Well, some cute clothes. Okay, I DON’T KNOW WHAT CLOTHES I need. . .but I do know I’m not supposed to show up naked.  So look at this jewel I found in JCPenney. It actually looks a million times better online, because when I saw it in the store, I stopped. And laughed out loud. It was HIDEOUS. I’m talking total seventies, bow-chicka-bow-bow HIDEOUS. I did find a few things, but nothing that really said, “This is me.” But then again, I wasn’t anywhere near the Hanes sweats bin at K-Mart.

This clip has been ALLLL over Facebook, so you’ve probably seen this already. But this is so true.

Does everyone have a Chick-Fil-A close by? They have the world’s best shakes, and they are like your week’s worth of calories. AND the days I crave Chick-Fil-A the most? Sundays. And like the song says, they are not open on Sunday. But it’s still fun to sit in a nearby parking lot and watch the occasional car go up to their drive-thru and try to order. And then you see the moment they remember, “Oh! It’s Sunday!”

Is anyone on Spring Break this week? I’m on break next week, and it cannot get here fast enough. I think I’m gonna take my niece and nephew to the Tulsa zoo. Even though I’m morally opposed to zoos, but don’t tell them that. Actually, I’m not sure what I was thinking when I went with this idea. Because they’re gonna be like, “Where is our Aunt Jenny? Is she curled up in a ball in the bathroom corner AGAIN?”  We have a local “safari” here, and you drive through and see all sorts of animals. Except the tigers and some of the monkeys are in these cages outside. And it KILLS me. I went one time, and I will never wash that guilt away. But it is cool how the free-roaming llamas spit on your car. Spitting back is optional. . .but fun. And we had this monkey ride on our car for most of the drive, but it looked mad and agitated, like it was going to eat our headlights off any moment. And people PAY to go to this place.

I hope you have a great day!

JEN

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