I am the worst blogger lately. If I can get through the next week-o-writing, I will blog like I’ve never blogged before, blog with my whole heart, blog like I live to blog.

A few nights ago I had this dream that I was out of town and in a mall. I HAD to find Brookstone (which is weird because we don’t even have one, so the only time I think about that place is when I’m in an airport). So I go up to this old man, tap him on the shoulder. He turns around…and it’s Tony Bennett. And he’s wearing these cheap, dangly crystal earrings. And I say, “Oh! Mr. Bennett (I typically am polite to men with cheap earrings). Do you know where Brookstone is?” And he’s like, “Well, since you asked so nicely…yes. I do.” And gives me directions. And then I woke up. I wonder what I would’ve bought. Maybe a device to charge up my iPod in case of a nuclear winter, a travel pillow made of things I can’t quit squeezing, or a shiatsu something-or-another that could double as a violent weapon in a pinch?

So I asked my kids what they did over Spring Break. Here are some of their responses:

“I went to this giant flea market in Alabama. They had everything. I almost bought a puppy. But I got a giant sword instead.”

Quoting Tenacious D, “I wrote a tasty jam, even though the planets didn’t align.”

“I went to Oklahoma City, and I ate a really big burrito.”

“I went to the dermatologist. I got this rash because I’m like famous for skin diseases.”

“I learned all matter is energy condensed to a slow vibration. We are all one consciousness, experiencing itself subjectively.”

I told the kids that I took my niece and nephew to the zoo, but that zoos make me sad.
“Why?” asked a kid.
“Because I’m morally opposed to them. Animals in cages bother me.”
“My mother keeps me in a cage.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t bother me.”

We did have a great time at the zoo though. Despite the fact that there were animals there and all. My sister-in-law went, as well as my friend Holly and her four children. Look at this super cute picture of Holly’s girl Mia and my niece, Katie Beth (right).

This picture (below) is hard to see, but my niece said, “Nemo! I found Nemo!”

This tiny, tiny frog is poisonous and comes with his own guard.

And he’s not even closed in. I could’ve reached out and touched him (and about 10 of his friends). His venom is used in poison darts. I thought about sticking him in my purse and bringing him to school, but the zoo guy was standing right there and my sister in law refused to flash him and provide a distraction.

I did find the title of my next book though.

Eyelash viper. How sassy does that sound? Don’t mess with me, cheetah. I’m an eyelash viper.

I learned the Tulsa Zoo pigs and I share a cereal addiction.

The animals were all strangely lazy that day. Like they were all hung over or something.

“What are you looking at? My union rep says I don’t have to hop around for you people anymore.”

“Seriously. We’re not show ponies. Go stare at something else. This is my ‘me’ time. Move on…nothing to see here.”

“If you had any idea what kind of pressure I’m under here, you’d need a break too.”

The petting zoo was closed (who knows why. I mean, seriously, are you telling me they needed some down time?), but I thought this was some interesting decor in the BARNYARD scene. A crystal.

I guess the zoo is getting in touch with their New Age side. Maybe they have some alternative animals. And I could’ve sworn the meerkats had a magic eight ball.

Finally, who knew the zoo was such a good place to go for quality literature?

Can you say CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!!

Hope you have a great week!!!

JEN

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