I’m soooo glad it’s Friday. Crazy, crazy week.

I finished a book though. So that means….diet. I always put on about five pounds during the last few weeks of a deadline. Well, I turned in book one, and then approx. six weeks later…turned in book two. So there wasn’t any time to lose book one poundage. And then it added with book two poundage. It’s not pretty. Like I have two pair of pants that fit. So on Wed, when I turned in book two, I had a strawberry shake to kick off the diet. My friend Leslie says I’m a stress eater and a stress shopper. So that would explain why at the end of the deadline I have 20 new pair of shoes, a room full of things to return, and I’m only wearing pants with stretchy waist bands.  I also celebrated the end of the book by mowing my yard. Then I blew dust out my nose for the next two hours.

So I have author pictures this week and. . .I colored my hair.

It was a monumental disaster. It is supposed to be a medium brown, my usual, and it turned out nasty crow black. Like Priscilla Presley 1968 black. Like Try To Make Me Go To Rehab black. I’ve washed it about a million times. It’s this weird mostly nontoxic dye that I won’t even explain, and it went very badly. It was the weirdest texture. It made my hair feel like I had washed it in caramel and only part of it came out. And it turned my scalp black. Which does not look natural on a pasty white girl. Of course, neither does hair the color of a piece of burnt coal. So basically I’m gonna get pics and look like I’m auditioning for a part in the Cullen family in the next Twilight movie. It’s dead sexy. On a bright note, this deterred me from Pre-Picture Preparation Plan No. 2, which was to cut my own bangs.

So we just did this big class project where they get in groups, make up a country and their currency, then give a presentation. One team of girls created the country of United Cupcakes. Their currency is a cupcake. They had my attention with their first sentence, “Are you tired of living in the tyranny of muffins?”  And their country’s motto is, “A muffin is simply a naked cupcake.”  One of their core values is that they hate muffins. “We hate muffins. We’re muffin racist.”  These kids had to know that anyone who would boldly, fearlessly celebrate the beauty of a cupcake would get an A with me. What patriots.

Thanks to my teacher friend Heather who saw this line in one of her fifth grader’s papers: Lincoln got rid of slavery, in what, like 1981?

And then teacher-friend Lizann (who sweetly prayed me through this last book deadline-o-chubbiness) teaches first grade. Her kids had to take standardized tests. Her are some things she saw the kids respond to.

-A reasonable amount of milk to put in your cereal bowl is 10 gallons.
-Martin Luther King, Jr. invented the light bulb.
-The Plains Indians went to Walmart and bought tents for their shelter.
-Fireworks were the reason we started celebrating Independence Day.
-A cotton shirt and/or woolen blanket is made of a rock.
-An animal can lay a brick.
-You can make more money selling lemonade for $1.50 a glass than if you sold it for $.25 a glass.
-You can sled on a snow-covered hill on an 80 degree day.

Have you guys seen these amazing jump ropers? It’s really long, so it’s okay to not watch all of it. (I didn’t), but you should watch it through round two or three.

Those girls are like robots! I mean, that shouldn’t even be possible. If I had to do all that jumping and kicking around, I woulnd’t be able to walk for a week. And there’s no telling how many people I’d accidentally decapitate with my jump rope. I love how the guys in the audience are going crazy. Who knew jump roping was such a dude attractor? If only I had known this in junior high. Much easier than pretending to be interested in their stupid sports.

And maybe it’s because I had just written a million pages when I watched this and was completely brain dead, but this video made me laugh and laugh. Any time you can fit the word probiotics into a song, I’m impressed.

And this has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I was reminded of this Carol Burnett show classic clip this week. When I was growing up, my friend Denise and I would watch this show like fanatics, and then we’d imitate it. This scene was all mine. And for years and years and years afterward, we couldn’t even say the word “feelings” or hear it without dissolving into giggles. Honestly, I still never use the word. And when I hear it…I hear Carol.

I hope you have a great Easter. I love church at Easter. It’s the best time to go–such a celebration. So if you’re considering going, you should totally do it! We’re having a big family dinner and I will be eating strawberry shortcake. And I’ll buy new stretchy pants.

Happy Easter!

JEN

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