Welcome To My House!!!

Sad over the loss of actor Dom DeLuise. The world does not have enough funny fat men. So if you are a funny fat man…now is the time to step up. America needs you. And possibly Burt Reynolds does too.

So we are on like three weeks of rain here in Arkansas. I am so SICK of it. I feel like Jack N. from The Shining. Except he was going crazy because he was snowed in a creepy hotel. And I don’t understand going psycho due to massive amounts of snow. That would be like party time for me. His character deserved insanity for that kind of disrespect for the frozen precip.

The other day I watched a YouTube clip of an author giving a tour of her home. It wasn’t very thrilling. So on the coattails of that boring-ness, I thought I’d copy the idea! But no video. Just pics. Join me as I invite you into my home and give you the grand tour. Yawning is prohibited. So apparently is a dust rag.

This is my computer. I call him Dell. He’s the one on the right.

Don’t tell Dell, but he and I are about to part ways. See, Dell and I have been having some problems lately, and I knew I would have to kick him to the curb at some point. This past weekend while doing some photo editing, Dell was being his stubborn, lazy, take-his-time self. And I shut down my project. And ordered myself an iMac. Dell and I were good while it lasted. I think we had a solid run, but there comes a time when you have to face the facts that things aren’t working anymore…and you move on. So much like Brad Pitt with Jennifer Aniston or John Mayer with Jennifer Aniston…I cut Dell loose.

As we continue in my office, this is my bulletin board.

It was the inspiration piece for the bulletin board on my website. I said, “I would like a bulletin board full of things that represent me on my website.” And they said, “Send us a picture of yours.” And then lo and behold, there’s my bulletin board!!

This is a  warning for speeding. I LOVE this ticket.

So my friend and fellow Snow Enthusiast Holly is having a baby. Baby Number Four. And she asks me to be in the delivery room and take pics. I was STOKED. And honored. (Even though she didn’t name the baby after me, but whatever. I’m holding out high hopes for a Baby No. 5.)  So we talked all about it, and the plan was set. I get the “go” call and drive to a nearby town about 45 minutes away to the hospital. I call Holly. “Hey, I’m here. Where are you guys?” So she gives me directions. I walk inside…no Holly. Well, I’m HORRIBLE with directions. So I try again and again for like 30 minutes. I call back a few more times. I follow the directions…but yet when I get to the final destination, I don’t ever find Holly’s husband. Finally, after much time passes, an idea occurs to me. “Um…what hospital are you at?” She tells me. “Uh-oh.” Turns out she is at the OTHER hospital in this town. We had never discussed WHICH hospital, and I had assumed she was at the one where she delivered Baby No. 3. I was wrong.

So then I’m stressed. There’s a baby a comin’ and the photographer isn’t there. “Don’t have that baby, Holly! Whatever you do, don’t be selfish and have that baby. You have to wait for me!” So I jump in Old Blackie (my car, of course), and race down the road. And when I say “race,” I mean, I did 45 in a 30, but also in a WELL KNOWN speed trap. The lights flash. I pull over. The cop pulls over. And I’m like, “Omigosh my friend is having a baby and she has her babies in like two hours and I went to this hospital but I was supposed to be at that hospital but I was wrong and I couldn’t find her and I’m like hey where are you and she was like hey where are you but neither one of us was in the right place and then I got in Blackie because Blackie is like a rocket okay she’s really not but she thinks she is  and I’m not gonna tell her she’s a four cylinder Honda Accord but now I’m on the side of the road by the EZ Mart gas station GETTING A TICKET for forty-five miles per hour and Officer, I’m in a hurry!!!!”

And he looks at me. “Ma’am,” he says real slow. “Being in a hurry could get you killed.”

Uh-huh. (Did I mention I was doing 45 miles per hour? Straight-stretch. No traffic. I wanted to roll my eyes SO BAD.) But instead, I said, “Yes, sir.” And then I made teary eyes because I’m a former drama teacher, and I’ve learned a trick or two. And…he let me go.

And I drove the half mile to the right hospital. And we did the whole directions thing again, but this time, when I got to the end, there was Holly’s husband. And we were both in the right place! And Holly? She had a boy. Ten hours later.

Here’s something else from the bulletin board. Let’s zoom in for a closeup. This is my friend Leslie and yours truly parasailing in Florida.

Things to know about this picture: I don’t like heights. It was a very windy day. That’s all I want to say about that shot.

More scintillating details from the home tour Friday. AND I’ll announce to the two latest winners of So Not Happening, as well. Who wouldn’t want to miss that? That’s almost as good as the American Idol finale.

Before I go, I have to share that:

1. A student is walking down the hall playing the ukulele.

2.  And earlier, on his way out of class,  “Zach,” got on all fours, hid on the other side of my desk and let “David” sit on his back. They walked by my desk, and Zach says, “Ms. Jones! Does it look like David’s floating?” That was my first laugh of the day. It was 3:30.

JEN

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13 comments

13 Comments so far

  1. Amy May 6th, 2009 7:32 am

    You didn’t laugh until 3:30? Sad day!

  2. christa May 6th, 2009 8:09 am

    Well…did it look like he was floating? Other non-laughing faces want to know!

    My last giggle was the essay that stated an “emission fee is required to attend football games.” Maybe if they’d stop serving hot dogs with chili and nachos with jalapenos that wouldn’t be a problem.

  3. Bethany Ellis May 6th, 2009 8:20 am

    I so agree about the rain stuff. I hate long periods of dreary weather. We’re on day 3 of… I don’t even know how long, but several more days at least. And I’m super stir crazy and this makes it worse. :)

    Home tour is fantastic so far. I once had a Dell… a laptop. He and I had to part ways, too… after two years, he decided he didn’t like me anymore.

    Your bulletin board looks awesome. & 10 hours later? Naturally. My mom is scared of heights, too.. and I know she’d NEVER go para sailing. She’s told my dad many times. She did say she *might* do it over the sand dunes in the outer banks. But I doubt it.

  4. Melodie May 6th, 2009 8:56 am

    Oh, I wish I had the guts (and money) to get rid of my Dell and switch to a Mac. It’s so slow and annoying, and they’re so gorgeous…but…so not happening, unless I have to stop saving for college.
    And I LOL’d so hard at your little speech to the officer. :)

  5. Colene May 6th, 2009 12:04 pm

    im also curious, did it look like he was floating?? cliff hanger there…

    the end of the baby story is the best. and that cop probably cried laughing when he got back to his car finally. i would have.

  6. Hannah May 6th, 2009 1:31 pm

    “Does he look like he’s floating?” LOL! Gave me my first laugh of the day too. And…seconding Christa’s question…did it look like he was floating?

    “Being in a hurry could get you killed”?! Did the officer not hear that you were supposed to be photographing your friend’s labor? Glad that he let you off, though. And that Holly waited till you got there. :)

  7. Lauren May 6th, 2009 1:35 pm

    Your students are so funny! I should try that!

  8. Rachael May 6th, 2009 2:44 pm

    Wow, if I was the officer, I would’ve let you off, but only because I would’ve been taken back by the huge run-on sentence. And I would need like fifteen minutes to sit through it all….and you seemed in a hurry so I would just let you know. Although I be that guy told his wife and kids about you that night at dinner!!

    I’d love to go parasailing sometime…..it looks like so much fun!! (except in the picture that you have)

  9. Jenny B. Jones May 6th, 2009 3:30 pm

    Amy, it was tragic–no laughing ’til 3:30.

    Um, I guess he looked like he was floating. Mostly he looked like he was on someone’s back. And he looked like he needed to be doing homework.

    Bethany, tell your mom to just do it. I made myself. I’m glad I did!

    And no, the officer did not find me funny. I wasn’t feeling funny at that moment either. But he was serious about the fact that I could kill myself doing 45. He was kind of a downer.

  10. Holly May 7th, 2009 4:24 pm

    I was very curious about the boy floating also….I am surprised my 6th hour hasn’t tried that yet! So sad you didn’t have your first laugh until 3:30! I have had a smile on my face all day (No Seniors!)……

  11. Danica May 7th, 2009 6:05 pm

    Ah Jen, you were just what I needed as I listen to the 5yo screaming in the background because I’m so evil as to not let her climb out her 2nd floor window and play on the roof.

  12. Jenny B. Jones May 7th, 2009 6:56 pm

    Holly, thanks for rubbing it in that a good portion of your student population is now gone.

    Danica, one day your daughter will thank you for not letting her play on the roof. Of course, when she’s a teenager, you’ll be wanting to push her out on that roof…

  13. Rachel Joy May 8th, 2009 1:01 am

    You had me at “I ordered myself an iMac.” I found you through my friend Kim, the children’s book department manager in Abbotsford, BC, Canada. Adding you to my google reader right about now. Thanks for the smiles.

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