Happy Monday. I’m late in posting because I’m either:

a. Lazy.
b. So freakin’ busy, peeing is now considered “free time.”
c. Eating cookies
d. Working out
e. Building an ark

I can tell you at least one of those is incorrect. But I really am time crunched at the moment. In fact, I saw Kevin James (King of Queens) and Kate Gosselin (yes THAT Kate) Saturday, and I don’t even have the time (patience) to load the pics. And Kate works out. Did you know that? I don’t watch Jon and Kate, so I had no idea. I don’t know if working out constitutes lifting 8 kids or if she pumps iron. But I tend to not want to be friends with ladies with good biceps. Michelle Obama and I could never hang out. Some  people have car envy, shoe envy…me? Arm envy. Not that I ever do anything about it. I have a lovely set of weights…a variety of colors and sizes. But they bore me. And in return, I allow them to collect dust and become spider habitats.

The fabulous Chip MacGregor of MacGregor Literary is having his annual Bad Poetry Contest in honor of his birthday. (I just eat lots of pie on my special day. I guess he thinks poetry is less filling?)  I think it’s getting close to the deadline, so hurry over and submit your worst.  I was going to enter. But I can’t think of anything that rhymes with aneurysm.

Random Discovery: I can eat a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich in 5.6 seconds.

Have you subscribed to SUSIE magazine yet? Brio magazine (Christian mag for teen girls and not-so-teen girls who still loved it) is now strictly online, so Susie, the editor and creator of Brio, took a courageous risk and started her own magazine (with the help of much of her original staff). I got my May issue this weekend. I love it!!! It’s so eye-catching. And Susie is really dedicated to teen girls and their issues. AND…I have a prom short story in the May issue. Woo-hoo!!! AND there are instructions for how to get in a drawing for a free copy of So Not Happening in Susie mag. Other things in this issue include articles on shopping, boys’ take on what’s unattractive (luckily they didn’t say girls who can inhale a Skinny Cow in under 6 seconds), how to get clear skin (I need to read that), quiet time tips from famous people, and how to communicate with your date.  My friend and fellow author Natalie Lloyd, author of Paperdoll, also has a fabulous spiritual lesson in there as well. So much to read! I’m really excited for Susie and the Susie magazine staff.

So who orders a computer and doesn’t even check to make sure the opening in her desk is big enough? Um, that’d be me. It’s a good thing I don’t have the iMac’s name picked out yet because I had to send the first one back. You know that saying, “Didn’t see the forest for the trees?” Well, I never got that. Because I’m the opposite. I typically don’t see the trees for the forest. I was in a hurry. I needed a computer that second. The largest was the same price as the 20 inch with upgrades…so I got the 24 inch. Then I got it in the house. Omigosh, it’s like sitting on the front row of the movies. TOO much screen for me. And it didn’t fit. I even tried to dismantle part of my desk. My aunt said, “I’d keep the big screen and get a new desk.” But I can’t. Because a 24 inch screen is good for nothing but looking at screen savers of Orlando Bloom, and I love my desk. And because I recently listened to a podcast from financial guru Dave Ramsey, and it pretty much scared the crap out of me. I’m never buying another thing again in my life.

So I called the Apple people, and I’m like, “Hey…I’m an idiot. I have a big problem.” And I explain how I didn’t pre-measure (but in my defense, you have to work for the Pentagon to be able to find the screen dimensions on the ordering site…sorta…mostly…shut up.) and they were so cool with it. Not once did the customer service guy say, “We are SO gonna be talking about you in the break room. I hadn’t gotten a call from a moron all day, and now I finally did! Thank you!”  He acted like it was totally cool and no problem. So a smaller version is en route.  I took pictures of my two hour ordeal trying to make the computer fit in the desk (physically impossible, but I just couldn’t give up. Plus, my other option was to clean the house.), but I’m too lazy to post them right now. So I have much to share with you on Friday–pics of celebs, pics of the computer that couldn’t, and of course, we must still finish my home tour. (Thrilling, thrilling stuff. Who needs Lost and American Idol?)

No blog on Wednesday, but I will be back in action on Friday. Be sure and submit your awful poetry to Chip. Grand prize is a free lava lamp, people. Need I say more?

Have a wonderful week-

JEN

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