Catapult Me Into The Weekend!
School. . .is. . .almost. . . over.
Today we had our last bi-weekly study hall. Known as seminar. I guess it’s called seminar so it can sound all educational and Oxfordian and stuff, but I’ll give you one single word to let you know how educational it is: catapult. Yes, today there was a mini-catapult in my “seminar.” Last week I let a kid do a back flip off a desk. (Dear administrators of my fine school, if you are reading this, please know that I am just kidding. I would never let a kid flip backwards off a desk. He might fall and hit his head. That would be insane! A liability! So don’t you worry. I’m waaayyy too responsible for that.) Actually in my defense, this was an at-risk kid who LOVES hip hop dance, and while I didn’t say, “Yes, please jump off the desk,” I also didn’t say no. And for the record, the entire time this was going on, I was praying, “Please, God, no blood. Please God, no blood.” And everything came out just fine! No cracked skulls. No concussions. No teacher fired. . .yet.
I’m JUST now getting to use pictures on my blog. Between the new computer (who is nameless STILL because we are not exactly friends yet) and a website update, I have been pictureless for like three weeks! It was killing me! Even now, I have pics I want to post, but I have no idea how to get them on here. These are the ones I could wrangle.
Here’s my mom was Mother’s Day wearing one of her gifts. My sister-in-law had monogrammed aprons made for all the moms in the family.
My mom said, “Thanks for advertising my bra size.”
So a few weekends ago I went with some friends to a catfish place in the middle of NOWHERE.
Good food, but very rustic. The dinnerware was a hodge podge, and this coffee mug kept me entertained for HOURS.
Dial-A-Mule Realty? And yes, apparently, it’s a real place nearby. My friend Kim was very familiar with it. I was like, “Why’s it called that?”
Kim: “Because they sell real estate. And they have mules.”
Me: “I don’t get it. What does it mean?”
Kim: “It means the guy sells real estate and he has mules.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off the mug. “But why’s the mule on the phone? What’s he saying?”
Kim: “I don’t know. It’s Dial-A-Mule. That’s what it’s always been. That’s all I know.”
Me: “But the mule can’t–”
KIm: “I don’t know! Do you want the mug?”
Me: “Ohhhh, yes. I really really do.”
Kim: “I’ll try to get you one.”
And then my friend Leslie and I pantomimed various scenarios of mules on telephones for the next two hours and laughed at decibels that made people turn around and stare. Cheap entertainment.
Check this out. I grew these peonies!
They’re so lovely! I can’t grow anything. Especially when I hack them down with my lawnmower.
About a month ago I went to the monthly Wal-Mart meeting because Kevin James (Mall Cop, Hitch) was going to be there. And as an added bonus, Kate Gosselin was there as well.
This father and his son sat in front of me. They were like mirror images, especially when they’d drink their coffee at the same time.
This is the new leader of Sam’s Club.
His name is Nacho. That name makes me VERY VERY happy.
I could watch Nacho Libre allll day long.
Kevin James looks JUST like he does on TV.
He’s hilarious though. He took over the interview and is just naturally a great communicator. (He would totally pass my speech final.) Whenever Wal-Mart brings in famous people, they always open it up for a few audience questions. Unless you’re this woman.
Mama’s got guns. I don’t know if that’s from lifting eight kids or if she does some serious workouts, but I’m thinking it’s more of the latter. I lift fifteen year olds by the scruff of the neck all day long, and I don’t have biceps like that. There’s been a lot of online tah-do about her hair. Apparently stylists are getting lots of requests for Kate’s hair. Kate said she sees it all the time when people come to her book signings. Well. . .her hair had some issues that day.
This isn’t a good shot of it, but it was all normal and chic in the front, and then in the back, where I guess it’s supposed to be spiky, it was more like one of her kids took a big chunk and ran it through with some Elmers. Defying gravity.
Finally, I humbly ask you to pray for me because I am in the clutches of a yearly event that always leaves me bruised, broken, and holding my nose. Yes, it’s pig dissection time AGAIN. In case you’ve forgotten from the last couple of years, my classroom is sandwiched between TWO biology classes. And every year before finals both teachers break out the pickled pigs and the kids go to work. There is no memory trigger like smell…and I do not have good junior high dissection memories. The smell…omigosh, omigosh, omigosh. I’ve just been walking around the room and up and down the halls spraying Oust everywhere. There’s probably a mushroom cloud of the stuff over my city. For the record, no pigs were harmed in the creation of this book cover:
Have a great weekend. For those of you out of school, I’m jealous! For those of you, like me, on the countdown, we’re getting closer!
JEN
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Well I’m almost out. We get out like June 5th or something. Although technically, being homeschooled, I can be done whenever I feel like it. I already finished my math book the beginning of May. Basically I’m just finishing up my science and that’s it. The reason we have a formal ending date is because my dad teaches at a public high school and that’s when he gets done.
And dissecting pigs? I can imagine the smell….actually, I can’t. The worst I’ve done is a frog, although I had a friend who did a cat this year.
GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT?!?! I’m finished with high school and I never had to dissect anything!!!!! WOOHOO!!!
Now watch, I’ll end up needing to know something I would’ve learned from dissecting an animal. My Mom has told me about when she dissected a frog. She was a little greedy so she picked the biggest one. Turns out it was big because it was *pregnant.* She couldn’t find ANYTHING because of all the little eggs everywhere. 
Jenny, you’re definitely in my prayers. Have you tried the “it’s against my religion” card? Or does that not work for teachers?
And did you get one of those Dial-a-Mule cups yet?
1.I am on summer break so be jealous!!
2.In middle school i had to disect every year! and in 8th grade we disected a pig. I saw that pig and well after that i left the room and spent some quality time leaning over the toilet.
3.I am reading your book. It is great so far. but… there is one thing driving me crazy. and his name is Luke. I dont care how nice Hunter is. I want her to dump the boy and go out with LUKE! If she doesnt i will.
Ew! on the biology thing. They need to get you a new room.
Love the mug!
Saving the best for last… Is this Nacho guy married? I hope not. I’m already planning the wedding. Nacho~n~Jen. This would be the ultimate theme wedding. I’m talking chips, cheese, and all the good stuff.
That mug is so priceless!
And the biology thing…eww…in my last month of biology of school, we’re going to be doing worms, crayfish, a frog, and this huge stupid fish with its eye staring right at me! I already feel sick…
Not as bad as a pig though, I guess. I mean, at least none of those are cute.
Can’t wait till your book arrives!
^^Hey, I did a worm and a crayfish and a frog!! It was part of the biology book I was using. We were gonna do a perch too, but my teacher forgot to order them. We also were supposed to do a grasshopper…….
Praying for you. Like Rachael, I’m homeschooled too, so I can skip dissecting frogs and pigs for biology and examine something else…like a chicken foot. (My aunt told me that’s what she got to mess with when she was in high school.)
No one has asked this, so I will: did you call the Dial-a-Mule phone number on the mug? It would torture me to have such a priceless treasure and not find out about the person (or, uh, animal) behind it.
Rachael, you have a less than a week to go! YAY!!! Me too!!! The last day is the best. I’d demand a “field trip.”
Bethany, you haven’t lived until you’ve cut into something dead soaked in formaldehyde. I’m sorry you haven’t gotten to experience this. I will pray for this to change…
Sarah, I felt bad putting their number up. I meant to blur it out. But then I thought, those mules CLEARLY need someone to talk to. And maybe Mr. Dial-A-Mule will get some business. For whatever he sells…
Dani, the pigs are definitely gag inducing. I hate them. I wish they’d die. Again.
And thanks for the compliments on So Not Happening. I hope you continue to like the book…and Luke. ; )
Yes, Danica, they SOOO need to get me a new room. I don’t even have windows! I think Nacho is married, or I would totally move in with all my charm. How awesome would it be to call your husband by the name of one of your favorite foods? (and movies)
Pigs are bad, Melodie, but I don’t want to take away from the fish with the sticky-out eye thing. That sounds serious too.
Rachael, seriously too bad your teacher forgot to order the perch. I know you were heart broken. ; )
Hannah, I didn’t called Dial A Mule. I’m just afraid of who would answer on the other end.
i like your new picture.
and what happened to Brittney Taylor? did a horse kick her in the gut like i wanted?
the end is near, hold on.
Ok, I’m loving the Dial a Mule mug-who would have thought that realty and mules worked so well together? Buy a house and get a mule too-what a great deal!:)
You have no windows?!? Aww, I would hate to be your kids in class that day!
And actually, one of my friends really was bummed that we didn’t get to do the fish. That was the only thing she was looking forward to dissecting.