I hate to rub it in, but I’m ON VACATION FOR NINE WEEKS!!!! WOOOO!!!! To quote the Pointer Sisters, I’m so excited. And I just can’t hide it.

The last few weeks of school are always busy and hectic. Lots of things to do and wrap up. Lots of parent calls to field–even on the very last day. (“I noticed my child didn’t turn in an assignment on the first day of class in January. Is it too late for him to hand that in?”  “Any do-overs for the final?”  “You’re the best.” “You’re the worst.” “You’re so fair minded.” “You hate my kid.”)  I just want to have one of those automated phone services.

You have reached the voice mail of Ms. Jones.
To gripe her out for something that is your child’s fault, press one.
To leave a hateful message that will drive her to chug down a Diet Dr. Pepper approximately 30 seconds after the call, press two.
To try and convince her that a low grade is emotionally damaging, press three.
To enter into a lengthy conversation about your struggling kid on these LAST FEW HOURS of school even though she hasn’t heard from you all year, press four.
To praise her angelic demeanor, her patience for zombie stories, and a record year of not getting in the middle of one single fist fight, please hang on the line.

So what are everyone’s summer plans? I’m gonna read a bunch.Try to work out more and fit back into my jeans again. (But I don’t want to get too ambitious. It is summer VACATION after all.) Going on a big trip, which I’ll tell you all about later. Gonna donate some time here and there. Cook a few times and try not to burn my kitchen down. Occasionally dust or vacuum. Maybe wash a window or two. But not all of them. I need to save something to do for next Christmas Break.Watch some movies. I have YET to see Slumdog Millionaire. Continue trying to figure out my Mac.  Try to wean myself from cussing when I get near said Mac. (Here’s a tip–insulting the computer’s momma–absolutely useless.)  Spend some time with family. See Wicked again–the BEST musical in the history of time.

I also need to come up with a new book idea. Eventually. I have some time to think on it, which will be nice. Everyone’s so into vampires. Maybe I should write about that. Like a Gucci carrying, shoe obsessed, workout-resistant vampire? Or maybe an Amish book? Those are smoking hot right now. Zoe is Pennsylvania Dutch, but at night she pulls out her contraband 1989 Vogue she got from Ezekial when she swapped him for a shoestring. As she flips the pages, she dreams of Reeboks, tall bangs, and shoulder-padded, manly jackets. Surely fashion couldn’t have changed that much in the outside world?

Or maybe I could jump on this zombie frenzy. Nikki knew her boyfriend was acting weird that night, but they’d faced hardships before. They could work through it. If only his eyeball would quit falling out at the dinner table. And what was with these lustful looks at the cat? The green ooze seeping out of his ears was a little icky, but her singles pastor had told her not to be too judgmental. If only…if only Kyle would quit walking into walls and eating people.

I think they all have potential. I should run it by my editor. No sense sitting on good story possibilities all summer.

So today I’m at the Wal-Mart Shareholder’s meeting. People come from allll over the world to this thing. Wal-Mart flies or buses in associates and management from all over the country as well as places like China, Chile (who are very spirited folk at concerts!), Brazil (ditto on the pep), the UK (did not see a single kilt this year, unlike last year.), Mexico (great flag wavers), and other cool places. The celebs at the Friday meeting have been a hush-hush secret. Normally it’s all over the media, so I’m not sure who will be there or why we don’t know the lineup yet. I’m REALLY hoping I don’t get there, and due to cutbacks and the economy it’s like Little Jimmy Dickens and Bob Saget. That would blow.  And usually there is a TON of free food at the meeting. What if that’s not there this year? I am bringing my big purse just to accomodate all the chocolate mini-donuts I didn’t bring home last year.I’m not gonna waste THAT opportunity again. I’ve lived with that shame all year. Time to redeem myself.

Also at these meetings they vote on things and make big decisions. And sponsors of the resolutions get microphone time to talk. Last year there was an interest group there with questionable dos who wanted something done. I don’t remember what. I was too busy eating donuts and staring at their hair. (By the way, I saw the best mullet today. No camera with me, but it was Grade A mullet.)  And I was told to expect a gang of nuns to speak. Supposedly they do every year and get very fiesty. First of all, I thought nuns took a vow of poverty (like teachers), so I’m not sure where they are getting their stock, and second of all, why do they get so upset every year?  I was not to find out. The nun gang did not show up last year. So, fingers crossed and all prayed up, I’m really hopeful for this year. Today could be the day I see the Mad Nun Brigade.

I hope you have a great weekend. I leave you with Da Breakup Song. (I recommend chosing “bad breath” when you get there.)

Kid-free and the livin’ is easy-

JEN

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