Just Stand There and Say Something Cute

I've saved up a bunch of kid quotes. I thought I'd share some crazy things my students have said this last quarter. They really came through for me the last nine weeks and upped their entertainment value. Pretty much saved them all from flunking.

Student 1: I fear my mom.
Me: Why?
Student 1: She's five-foot-four, and she's a beast.
Student 2: My mom's the same way. She has to take happy medicine.

Me: The question of the day is what do you fear?
Student 1: I fear. . .getting eaten.
Student 2: I have luopslipophobia. I fear being pursued by timber wolves around a kitchen table while wearing socks on a newly waxed floor.
Student 3: Spiders, bugs, and peanut butter stuck to the roof of my mouth.
Student 4: Prison.
Student 5: Prisms? Who's afraid of prisms?
Student 6: The stress that is caused by fearing.
Student 7: Goths, sharks, and the hydrogen bomb the Russians have.
Student 8: Feet and marriage.

Me: What are you doing this summer?
Student: I'm gonna watch football, drink sports drinks, and eat red meat.

Overheard in hall:
Student 1: I never have any luck with pencils. Pencils hate me.
Student 2: I never have any luck with girls.

Me: What character in a book, TV show, or movie would you be?
Student 1: Hannibal Lector

Me: What's a thing about yourself you'd change?
Student 1: To not be afraid of bees. . .and pedophiles.
Student 2: I'd change my voice to sound like Barry White
Student 3: To be taller.
Me: You're already how tall?
Student 3: Six-five. I want to be eight-feet tall.
Me: What would you do with this new tallness?
Student 3: Step on people.

Me: What is one word to describe you? And don't say something stupid like “totally hot.”
Matt: Inyoface
Charlie: Chucktastic
Brett: Can't say sexy?
Me: No
Brett: Okay, seductive

Me: What is something you fear?
Student 1: I fear death and cockroaches.
Student 2: To die by being pecked alive by a penguin.
Student 3: Spiders, dinosaurs, and my sister.

Me: So for your final you can either pick a dream vacation destination or a famous person to research.
Student 1: Can we pick Jesus?
Me: Yes
Student 2: There are a lot of Jesuses.

Me: Who is a famous person you'd like to meet?
Student 1: Goku. he shoots lazahs.
Student 2: Obi-Wan-Kenobi. He bees a Jedi.
Student 3: Jessica Alba and Pamela Anderson. They're, um, great actresses.
Student 4: Beyonce. She's my wife.
Student 5: The ShamWow guy. He seems very energetic and full of pizazz.
Student 6: Jesus. I'd want to play video games with Jesus.

Have a great day! Stay tuned for “If You Entertain Me, You Pass My Class” quotes part II. Also don't forget, it's not too late to leave a comment to win a copy of Natalie Lloyd's awesome book Paperdoll. Check out last Friday and Monday's blog for details. Winners announced June 22nd-ish.
Jen