Happy Monday! In a few weeks I won’t be able to say happy Monday without bursting into tears. It’s almost time to go back to s-c-h-o-o-l. Oh, summer…we’re so good together. Why must we part ways?

I’m giving away two copies of The Big Picture this week. This is the last book in the Katie Parker Production series and is up for YA Book of the Year by the American Christian Fiction Writers. The question I get the MOST in reader emails is if there will be a fourth Katie book to wrap some things up. The short answer is no. The complicated answer would be never say never. But for now…let’s say no. But Katie and Mad Maxine live happily ever after, whatever that means for you. I always giggle over the pro-Charlie emails and the pro-Tate emails. Anyway, if you would like to get in the running for a copy of The Big Picture, you must fill in the blank for this statement:
__________________ never fails to make me laugh.

You can’t pick me or one of my books. That would be total suckuppage. Not that I don’t respect that sort of thing. But maybe a movie, a person you know, a book, a commercial, or a word. For example the word “duty” always makes me smile, if not laugh. It takes me right back to a Friends episode.  Janet Evanovich makes me laugh. As does Dave Barry. And my friend Sheila. Nacho Libre never fails to make me laugh. I find something new to laugh about every time. Ninth graders make me laugh. People falling or running into things on TV or movies makes me laugh. Oh, the list is too long. But you get the idea.

Something that did not make me laugh was the book Time Travelers Wife. Have you read it? Actually, I must confess, I only read about 1/3 of it because I got bored (and apparently I am a freak exception because I think the entire world loved this book). The movie preview looks good.

Having your man randomly disappear on you would be SO annoying.
You’d be all like, “Take out the trash, would you?”
And he’d be, “Uh-oh. Gee, I’d love to but…”
“No, do NOT start that crap again.”
“Yeah, sorry. Gotta go. See you next year. Don’t forget the recyclables.”

How lame would that be? I remember a lonnng time ago, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, his then wife, bought the rights to The Time Travelers Wife. I wonder what became of that. Did they still have it when they divorced? Who got it? I hope Team Aniston did. I hope the movie does well because Eric Bana needs something to his resume besides “I Hulk out real good.”

Can you believe it’s been ten years since we first saw Star Wars: Episode I? (Actually I didn’t see it, but again, the rest of the world liked it.)  Check out little Anakin Skywalker. He’s grown up.

Okay, so let’s finish up my fascinating and intellectually inspiring trip pics, shall we? Here’s a good one.

Girls, if you must show skin between your pants and shirt, maybe just make sure you’re not wearing your grandma’s underwear? They do NOT match the chained gloves.

We went through a few castles, and not a single one had a much-needed escalator. Or a drawbridge. Could’ve at least had draw bridges. Anyway, people were really REALLY skinny back in the day. Here’s why.

Because they had to be in order to get from one floor to the other. Seriously these stairwells are steep and for tiny feet and nonwhiners and people who are no more than six inches across. Like dwarfs and two-year-olds. The doorways were often short as well because apparently people back in the day were short. It was like I found my homeland.

See the woman in the white coat and white hair? Okay, the guy on her left is NOT George Bush. But he sure looked like him. I took like a million pics of him because he kept moving and the lighting was so bad. A woman next to me finally offered to move and let me get closer. I was like, “Oh, thank you. But I like to stalk my strangers from afar. It’s the polite thing to do.”

We went to a dinner in the Bunratty Castle in Ireland on our last night. It was really good. Their costumes were mostly good.

Check out those…pants. I don’t know what you call that getup. But I do know what you call the shoes. Sketchers.

This advertisement got my attention at the airport in Ireland.

Let’s get a closeup…

The Irish on the whole are pretty health conscious people. On candy bars, for example, which um, I saw a lot of, there is a big fat number on the front that tells you what percentage of fat/calories that is for your daily intake. I figured it was off due to that whole metric system thing, so I just ignored it. The warning labels on cigarettes were subtle little things as well.

Wow. Smoke these and die!!!! When we got back home, I heard Obama signed a bill to have these same warning labels on our cigs. That’s so Irish of him. (Dear President Obama, I have kept pretty quiet in terms of voicing any negativity about you and your administration. But if you put those fat percentage labels on our candy bars, I will turn into a Medusa of negativity. And in further retaliation, if I see your lookalike in a foreign country, I will never take your picture. Never.)

On our way to see the Highlands in Scotland, we stopped at this little cafe out in the middle of nowhere. I was surprised how CUTE it was. Made me want to go home and paint.

And then I looked up. And saw what all the cafes back home were missing.

Disco Ball!

This ancient catapult thingie got me to thinking about my classroom discipline.

For some reason the airline wouldn’t let me carry it on.

On our bus ride through the Highlands, my friend Kim and I lucked into sitting behind these two lovebirds.

Blondie kissed her boyfriend’s cheek every three minutes. Without fail. Ever.
Drove. Me. Nuts.
And gag noises did not deter them. I think his cheek was bleeding at the end of the tour. I did not offer a Band-Aid.

I can’t remember where I was when I took this photo–I think in a museum. But apparently there is a food and hygiene scheme of some sort in Scotland.

I would like to know what this scheme is. Should food care about its hygiene? These things I do not know.

Here’s a McDonald’s in Edinburgh, Scotland. Isn’t it fancy? (Ashley of Thomas Nelson, that’s for you)

When I saw this though, I wanted to make a citizen’s Food and Hygiene Scheme arrest.

Would you like crack with your fries?

If I had to look at it, I thought you should too. I won’t even tell you the nifty way we got that picture, but we are smooth criminals by now at getting what I call “People Who Should Not Be Allowed in Public” shots.

This McDonald’s did have great bathrooms though. Check out this huge flush button!

You can totally flush with your head! Very handy for those of you who don’t like to touch the flusher with your hands.

In Ireland, we were driving around and in need of a bathroom stop. My friend yells, “There’s a bathroom! Look at that huge sign!”

We laughed about that all week.

Back in Scotland, we took two different bus tours. On the last one, we went to see Loch Lomond, Loch Ness, and a famous castle that wasn’t open, but they’d still take your money and let you walk in to find out all you can see is the courtyard. (In the driving rain. Three drowned girls. Three TICKED girls. Much chocolate was eaten THAT night.) Anyway, we were on a small bus for this day, and the driver was CRAZY. Did 20 mph over the speed limit on curves that were just a series of u-turns. And yes, I watched the speedometer like a neurotic grandmother. So the driver began the tour by warning us the path was curvy, and we might want to put on these magnetic “motion sickness” bracelets. My friends and I all get a little queasy on bad car rides, but nothing serious. So of course I was NOT gonna wear that dorky magical thing on my wrist.  Okay, so fast forward a few hours.

This is my friend Leslie video taping me in the front seat. Where I had to move. So I would stop sweating. And my eyes would stop watering. And I could put on one of those stupid magnetic bracelets. And I could roll down the window. So I wouldn’t barf.

Before I moved, Leslie looked across the row and asked, “How are you feeling?”
I smiled. “A little puke-alicious.” I was mostly kidding.
Ten minutes later, I was not kidding. But I was determined to not cause a scene. I do NOT get car sick!
Leslie said she knew we were in trouble when I took off my jacket. Because it was like winter in Scotland. And I’m never NOT cold.
But I’ve also never been on a bus where the driver wanted to punish us all for England’s sins and drive like a demented freak until I was ready to swear my allegiance to Rob Roy and sing “Scotland the Brave” if she would JUST STOP.

Anyway, Leslie made the driver stop, and I just moved up front. Totally embarrassing. But I was too busy sweating through my clothes and finding the pulse point on my wrist to notice much.

Finally, I leave you with this picture. These type of sinks are everywhere in Ireland.

And every SINGLE time I saw one, I thought it said, “American Skanks.”

Have a great week. Don’t forget to answer the question of the week. I’ll draw two winners Thursday night and announce Friday.
JEN

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