One of the questions I get asked regularly (other than when are you going to pay me that ten bucks you promised for buying your book…) is “Do you have any writing advice?”  I’ve been getting this question a lot lately, so I thought I would dole out some writing info now.

Question 1: I can’t ever seem to finish a story. Do you have any suggestions?
Not only do I have a suggestion, but I have two important words for you: You’re. Normal.

For years and years I thought I had to have a complete story in my head. And so I waited for it. And it never came. The story idea stork might not come to your house either. So don’t be a schmuck and just wait around for it. You’re losing time. Every writer is different. Some will have the complete plot figured out and know EXACTLY what they’re going to write every day. Some will be the opposite–like me–and have no idea. I usually have chapter one figured out. And that’s about it. Like I went for a massage a few days ago, and I wrote a new chapter one in my head. I have no plot, no book outline, no storyline idea at all. Just a chapter one. I’m thinking if I go back for a massage 40 more times and get a chapter every time, I should be able to write those visits off for Mr. IRS.

When I sit down to write my books, I have a vague idea of the big idea of the story. But when I sit down to write each individual chapter, I have no CLUE what is going to happen. It’s like standing in front of a taxi–I know I can go somewhere, but I have  no idea where. But the important thing is that I’m standing there with expectation, right?

Question 2: Do you have any advice for teens who want to get published?

My advice for anyone who wants to get published is to read, read, read. If you’re a teen, I would especially read some of the teen authors who made it. Amelia Atwater-Rhodes and Christopher Paolini come to mind. What makes them publish-worthy? I dunno. Read them and see for yourself. Publisher’s Weekly reported last month that a teenager got a major pub deal, so it happens! If you are a teen wanting to break into the biz, don’t write too far out of your field of experience. Books that won’t make it would include : The Trials of Being Wife Number Three, How to Survive the Midlife Crisis, or Depends: How Bladder Protection Saved My Life.

Question 3: No seriously, do you have any advice for someone who wants to get published?

A student recently had me go over his writing. He’s in a creative writing class, and he has lots of potential. But there were some elements missing that  were “must haves.” I gave him some pointers, then directed him to some common books that are usually recommended. Often when I recommend these books, I know the person won’t even bother checking into them–especially if it’s a teenager. But this student had two of the books within 48 hours. Not only had purchased them, but had read one of them enough to discuss it with me and edit his writing. That totally impressed  me. That kid’s going places. The books I recommend are:

1. Self-Editing for Fiction Writers. This is my favorite for all, but it’s the easiest read for teens too. Basic stuff here, but often stuff we don’t do. When you read it, you’ll be like, “Duh!” VERY HELPFUL. When I got my first book deal, the first thing the editor said to me was, “Go buy this book and read it.”

2. Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maass.  Mr. Maass is a big time literary agent in NYC and gives conferences. If you ever get the chance to go, do so. I struggle reading his books, but live and in person? Highly recommended.

3. The First Five Pages by Noah Lukeman

4. Plot and Structure by James Scott Bell, and maybe his new one The Art of War. Honestly I haven’t read either one yet, but I hear raves about both, but especially the classic Plot and Structure.

5. There’s always Writer’s Digest, but I think I got it just to “feel” like a writer and like I was doing something writerly. Like, “Look at me–I’m really putting in some effort on this getting published business. I’ve ordered a magazine. About writing. See, there’s my name. On the label.”  Sadly, your mailman doesn’t care.  A few years ago, I was accidentally sent a free subscription to Maxim. It took three months to get them to stop sending it to me. My mailman didn’t care about that either.

My other advice along these lines for anyone wanting to get published or wanting to be a better writer, is to attend writer’s conferences. I wouldn’t be published if I hadn’t gone to one.  (And if I hadn’t told the editor I’d pay her kid’s college tuition. )If you’re interested in writing Christian fiction, definitely check out ACFW. I’ll even be teaching a few classes there this September on YA and humor. Chip MacGregor addresses the conference issue from time to time, so search his archives at his informative blog.  As for secular lit, check the ads in Writer’s Digest. You know, that magazine you’re going to order but never read.

Speaking of the MacGregor, he also has some great conferences of his own, along with acclaimed authors like Susan Meissner, Lisa Samson, Susan May Warren, and Jim Rubart. I’ve had a handful of writing friends go to these Master’s Series and RAVE.  You can check that out HERE.

Conferences can be expensive, especially if you have your eye on more than one. My favorite thing to do is to buy the mp3 of the major ones I can’t attend. You can hear most of the classes, but not have to give American Airlines 25 dollars to bring a suitcase. RWA and ACFW have mp3s of previous conferences. They’re not cheap, but about 1/10th the cost of a conference.  If any of you have a morning commute, you’ll love this idea. Or you can workout to the sessions on your iPod. Just kidding. They’re not THAT good.

One last thing that I’ll mention is get yourself in semi-decent shape and clean up the ol’ diet (says the girl who inhaled a pint of Ben and Jerry’s this weekend, thankyouverymuch).  If there is anything that makes me sad about writing professionally, aside from bad reviews (Mom, you can back off any time now!) it’s how sedentary the job is. And being sedentary is HARD on your body. I would rather do P90 and write than just sit and sit and sit and write. We are not created to sit. Writer’s Butt is alive. And real. And it’s coming to get you.

You have been warned.

That’s it for now. I’ve left off a lot of advice, so feel free to chime in with your own.

JEN

Thanks so much for everyone who chimed in on Tuesday’s post on what you do and don’t want to see in your fiction. Loved all the different view points.

I finished my book, Save the Date. In case you think this is a romance, it’s not. It’s a spy thriller about the dangers of spoiled milk.

I was talking to some writing friends last week, and most of them said something to the effect of, “I get sad in the end. I don’t want to leave my characters.” How do I feel? Have you ever had company come and stay with you and they wouldn’t go home, and you just wanted your house back, and you wanted to walk to your kitchen in the morning without worrying what your hair looked like or if you had a bra on? Yeah, that’s how I feel about finishing up a book. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

And then comes editing, and I just hate my story and my characters more. This isn’t special for any book. It’s every book. I could unknowingly  write a freakin’ Pulitzer and I would still hate the book. It’s not until much, MUCH later, after the book and I have had some significant time apart that my feelings grow into something closer to love. And when I say love, I mean “I think I can tolerate you sitting on my shelf now.” Because I never love my own books. I love other people’s books. That’s why I buy them. And not my own. Because that would just be weird.

So today I’m going for my “I’m done with a book” massage. I will lie there while the masseuse says, “You’re really tense and knotted up. Did you know that?”  And I will say….”Oh? Huh.”  And I won’t explain. Because after my deadline writing frenzy, I’m on a word ban. And talking–that involves words.  And yes, I had to Google the difference between lay and lie to complete this paragraph. And I have Ben and Jerry’s chocolate brownie ice cream on my sleeve. And I now know you cannot lick that stuff off.  But tomorrow is another day…

So how will I spend the rest of my Spring Break?

1. Rewriting/tweaking/editing this book so that it resembles something that might make sense. To look at it now, you’d assume I wrote it in Pig Latin.
2. Taxes.
3. DMV (aka peek at hell) for a new license plate. Because mine is apparently SOOOO 1999.

I also watched American Idol for the first time since the opening weeks. NOW I know why I kept hearing Bowersox, Bowesox, Bowersox. That girl is awesome. Miley was the musical mentor of the week. That was…interesting. Did you see her perform? Girl should not head bang. I just want to say, first of all, you don’t do it right. Second, your music is not head banging material! Are you serious?  And Demi Lovato can really sing. I didn’t know. So who are you guys pulling for? And is it just me, or is Kara starting to be the stronger judge? It’s weird. I feel WRONG inside for thinking that way. But Kara, you make sense! Simon is so done, isn’t he?

By the way, my girl Amy of Backseat Writer, a great spot for reviews and entertainment info, turned the big 3-0 this week. I don’t know what that’s like, but I hear it can be sheer bliss. Stop on by her blog and wish her a BIG ol’ happy birthday HERE. And she’s also being very un-birthday like and giving away a HUGE giveaway of prizes. You are gonna want in on that.

Have a great weekend.

First of all, I have to confess to you all that I just entered into a blog drawing specifically for mothers. The prize is dinner and two tickets to see the revival of South Pacific. If I win, I will take those tickets without any thought or care for some poor, overworked, under-appreciated mother. And to top that off, to enter you had to answer the question “What does your honey do that makes him worthy of  this prize package?” Um…I’m not married. Though my answer could not be categorized as a lie. Creatively speaking.

I think this is a perfect example of one Christian lady (pronounced ledddy, with Will Farrell inflection) who often proves to the world how imperfect she is. (I think that’s the first time in my life I’ve ever referred to myself in 3rd person. I’m about to throw up my queso.)  I screw up ALL the time. And in cases like this, sometimes even deliberately. But come on! I want in on that “Some Enchanted Evening!”

I’ve been thinking about this post for days.

I’ve also been furiously writing the final chapters of my next book for womens.  My food intake is disastrous. My posture? Think limp Twizzler. My butt glued to the couch, and every time I get up, I see visions of Mom Jeans. And sleep has been intermittent.

So after little rest last Thursday night, I woke up at the bright and early hour of 4:45 am to talk to the most lovely book group in Australia, hosted by Rel of Relz Reviews, a lady we adore in Christian fiction. They had chosen Just Between Me and You as their club selection. I’m not going to lie (I only do that on pro-mom blogs…), I got up extra early so my voice wouldn’t sound like I ate cigarettes and did whiskey shots for breakfast. Yes, there were vocal exercises involved, which entailed me making myself sing “Party in the USA” loud enough for the neighbors to hear at this unholy hour.

And when I picked up the phone, I was ready. It was such a great conversation. We ladies talked about how we all appreciate reality in our Christian fiction. One woman, God bless her soul, said, “I was so glad to read the word ‘crap’ in your book.” I just want to have that sewn on a pillow so I can display it proudly on my couch. Where my butt sits even now. One of the women said that it bothered her in Just Between You and Me that in the end Maggie sits by a Christian woman dealing with fear and teaches Maggie a much-needed life lesson. At just the right moment. And while that is so like God, she said “I didn’t want her to sit by a Christian.” For her it was too neat and tidy and unrealistic. And in many ways, she’s right. They talked about how sanitized Christian fiction can be, and while there’s a need for it, there are a large group of people–like those ladies–who just want to see some reality. We talked about how our lives often are mirrored in fiction. How we’re flawed, we say the wrong things, we get tested…and fail. We can even go through things and don’t pull a single theme or lesson out of it. We pray for things for years with no answer and get mad. Not everything in life is happily resolved by just the right verse, just the right person, or just the right sermon or revelation. God moves powerfully and occasionally obviously, but there are also issues we face where we won’t get an answer until we’re standing before him, our earthly lives over. And I think given what we’ve seen from Congress (health care) and American Idol (Miley to be a mentor), we know we’re going to see him sooner than later.

What about you? How much reality do you want to see in Christian fiction? When you pick up Christian fiction, do you roll your eyes or do you relate? Is it too sugared up? Too cleaned up and edited? Or is it just right? Or too PG? I recently got an email from a girl who was deeply offended by kissing in a book and the use of the word “gosh.” So while I hear a lot of complaints from friends and readers about Christian fiction, it goes both ways. If you read reviews, you’ll see one book get reviews that say “that message was way too heavy-handed” to “where was God in that book?” All about the same book. We have different tastes in our reading, so where do you fall? Is Christian fiction too sweet? Too unrealistic? Does it look like your life? Or is it exactly what you need and you like to see the characters modeling the Godly behavior you strive for?

God has really been working on me the past year on keeping my mouth shut. So like in my books where the heroine screws up on a regular basis, I want you to know that I do to. And if I’ve been guilty in my books of making you think the Christian walk or the maturing process is easy, I’m sorry. Because it’s not easy. And neither is winning tickets to see South Pacific. Or washing that man right out of your hair. Or falling in love with a French plantation owner, even though he has half-Melanesian children.

The conversation I had with the book group ladies really hit home with me, as we talked at length about how flawed we were and how we didn’t always see that in our fiction. So despite the fact that humor and “real” isn’t the hottest seller in Christian publishing, that’s what I write. Because the faith walk is funny, embarrassing, awkward, frustrating, isolating, uniting, and messy. And rarely clean and tidy.

My conversation with the Australian ladies (and one from South Africa!) really stuck with me. And apparently with them too. Rel of Relz Reviews wrote a blog post on the same topic. You can visit it HERE.  I’d love to have your feedback as well. When it comes to Christian fiction, what works? What doesn’t? What are you not seeing enough of? Where do we need to be safer? Take more chances? Leave alone? What makes you lean toward secular fiction more than Christian?  Can’t wait to hear your answers.

Back to writing for me. See you in a few days.

JEN

If my life were a movie right now it would titled Weird. Let me share one example (as I type with a cat sprawled across the keyboard).

So last weekend I went to the monthly Wal-Mart meeting for managers. Don’t ask how I got in. It involves Ginsu knives, a low cut blouse, and one jumbo pack of sparklers. Anyway, Sandra Bullock was there. And a surprise guest–Jesse James. News of his alleged infidelity had not leaked out yet.

So Sandra is there to promote the DVD release of Blindside. She and her husband are on stage a short amount of time. She is skinnier in person than on camera. She’s enviably funny and well-spoken and humble. He is quiet and not into the lime-light.  The head dude of Wal-Mart/Sam’s interviewed them, asking her about her Oscar, about their work together in New Orleans, and made them do the Wal-Mart cheer.

“This is my knee cap. The knee cap she will soon want to take a baseball bat to.”

So fast-forward to Thursday. I get home from school whistling a happy tune.  (This is my blog. I can spin this however I want.)  And there’s an email in my Inbox from a supposed reporter from E! News telling me to call her asap. I ignore it. (But call everyone else I know.) I decide I’m not gonna say a word about the Wal-Mart meeting because over the last few days it’s occurred to me that those of us there saw the couple in their last moment together before Mt. Infidelity erupted. And we have the last pictures as well. (Though all I’ve seen are like mine and hideous due to the awful lighting that is ALWAYS a problem at these meetings.)  Anyway, I’m gonna ignore the email.

Then I sit down with my laptop on the couch and pull up Twitter. And there’s a message from the same reporter to contact her. At this point, I check her out and make sure she’s legit. She is. So I DM the woman and tell her that I hate to disappoint her, but I really didn’t have any good info to share. She assures me that she just wants some basic facts. On the phone at this time is a friend telling me to at least hear the questions so we’d have something to talk about on our afternoon 3 mile walk. So in the name of friendship and fitness, I answered a few questions Twitter-style.

Me to reporter: Sorry to be a killjoy, but I don’t really have anything to share. They joked onstage with each other and it appeared normal.

Reporter: No, that’s great. I’m not looking for anything negative. What was the speech for? Were they happy? How long were they there? What were they joking about? U can be anonymous if you want.

Me: (Yes, anonymous. Because next time I see Sandra at the local McDonald’s, I don’t want her to snub me.) They were joking about these great books they’d been reading called I’m So Sure and Just Between You and Me. (I’m pretty sure I only said this in my mind. Really I typed…) They were there about 10-15 minutes. Promoting Blindside.

Reporter: Why? Who got to attend?

Me: Only really brilliant authors who are on the short list for the Pulitzer or Newbery…I was so sad my friend Nora Roberts couldn’t make it. (Real answer…) It’s their monthly sales meeting. Management associates are req’d to attend. Often stars r brought in to promo a product/release.

And that was it. And somehow that turned into this reference. And we’re thinking possibly this one as well. I’m “a source!” I’ve never been a source before. It was slightly thrilling. Can I now say: Jenny Jones, Christian fiction author, previously featured in E! and TMZ? Honestly, I was really glad I hadn’t posted a blog about it this past Monday because I would’ve had more to say about the meeting than this. Sandra and Jesse were really cool and funny, but there were a few things I noticed that my friends and I talked about later. And I’m glad I kept it to myself so that it’s now not on E! like it came from some reliable source. Because me and my fiction-seeking brain (deprived and on a deadline no less)…not reliable.

As the reporter was asking questions I kept thinking to myself, “When I get married and my motorcycle making husband cheats on me with some tattoo model skank, would I want someone to say I was perky and funny upon last sighting? Yes, I would.” So that’s what I said. Because she was. Mostly. It was some interesting people watching that day, I will say that. And if anyone wants to know more, they will have to woo me with Ben and Jerry’s and the return of Gilmore Girls to prime time television.

When we wrapped it up, I told her to tell Joel McHale that two girls from Arkansas loved him. She promised me tickets to his show Soup next time I was in L.A.

Just had to come out of my self-imposed blog vacation and share. A big thanks to my friend Sheila for scouring the ‘net for my heart-hitting anonymous quotes. And for her final comment: “You know who is loving this news? Tiger Woods.”

See you next week. Unless the Enquirer calls next. Maybe now they’ll believe me that Elvis is my neighbor.

JEN

I just wanted to pop in to let you know I’m taking a blogging vay-kay this week. I will return March 22nd, the first day of Spring Break for most Arkansas schools. It has been a crazy few weeks with my teacher hat on, and I am more than ready for a week off. And possibly some hallucinogenic drugs. Just kidding. But I wouldn’t turn down a bowl of Fruity Pebbles if someone forced it on me.

I’ll be finishing up my next-next book to release, Save the Date, a book I’m super excited about. Okay, excited might not be the right word. You know how when you babysit (or used to), and it would be fun at first, but during those last twenty minutes, you just prayed for the parents to come home early or time to magically fast-forward or aliens to suck up the children? That’s where I’m at. It’s not that I don’t love the book. I’ll just love it more when we’ve had some time apart. Or it gets sucked up by aliens.

While I’m at it, many Christian stores have So Not Happening for a steal, so now is a great time to buy it! You might need to refresh your brain before So Over My Head arrives in May. I know I do…Bella who?