Summer…it’s almost here. I still don’t get out for a few weeks, but I can see the light. I’m already transitioning into my summer sleep hours. Last night I went to bed at midnight. Just because I wanted to. And this morning I barely woke up. And thought my summer transition thing was the dumbest thing ever.

My attitude definitely lightens up in the summer. No papers to grade, no detention slips to write, no classrooms to hide in when the principal goes door to door looking for jeans violators. . .

My closet definitely signals the coming of summer. (It also signals a tornado, but that’s not exactly relevant.)

I finally got “hip” and got some of these sandals.

While I think these type of shoes are really cute, I have avoided them for at least a year because they make my toes mad. But I caved and got some this week anyway. I don’t understand why we women do this to ourselves. In some countries these shoes would be called torture devices. But they look good. I’m wearing them next Saturday to Teen Mania at the Springfield library. If you live anywhere near Springfield, MO, you should clear your calendar, grab your own uncomfortable shoes, and join us. YA authors Brent Crawford, Holly Schindler and Brian Katcher will also be there.

I got my new summer polish for the at-home pedicure. I saw this color in Shape magazine and had to have it.

It’s OPI’s A Good Man-Darin Is Hard To Find. (Isn’t it, though? A ripe papaya isn’t that easy to happen upon either.) (And by the way, don’t be impressed that I read Shape. I also read cookbooks. . .) I have a really bad habit of buying nail polish from basically four color families: pink, fruit punch, violet, red. So when I get the new polish home, I put it in a drawer where it sits next to six other bottles that look just like it, minus some small difference only visible to one with a bionic eye.

I got myself a yellow purse.

That’s not it, but you get the idea. Last winter Kelly Ripa said “For spring and summer, yellow is the new black.” So I paid attention. I switched from boring brown to cheery yellow yesterday. The problem is, the only things that fit in it is my Burt’s Bees lip balm, two quarters, and one half of my sunglasses. But I look good. I mean, who cares if the thing won’t zip, and I leave a trail of all my personal effects? Who needs a drivers license?

I also bought these, but they’re going back.

Sanuks. Have you tried these? They are very, very comfy to stand in. They’re made of recycled yoga mats. But they’re almost a little too cushy, if that’s possible. Kinda heavy. But really cute. I like my Yellow Box sequin flops better. They look fancier under the disco ball.

Finally, I’ve picked my summer song.

Yes, I’ve caved on Ke$sha too. I was NOT a fan. Then I heard her interviewed on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show, and she was just so…self-aware. He asked her about criticism for her silly lyrics, and she said she wrote all of them and had written some hits for others. She’s actually been in the biz for a while. And she said she didn’t care about the criticism because fun was her theme. She wanted to write from the POV of her age. Totally respect that. “I like your beard.”

Hey, the sweet and talented author Nicole O’Dell reviewed So Over My Head for SheReads. They’re giving away the complete set of A Charmed Life books, so run over there and get in the drawing.

So what’s something you’ve bought or want to get to usher in summer? A snow cone? A new beach towel? Some Coppertone? A new book? Let me know!

JEN

Congrats to Erin, winner of the blurb contest. I tweaked her “bringing funny back” to “Bringing Sassy Back” and it won with you guys AND with me. I love it. I hope people don’t think I’m being all ego-driven and boastful. For the record I don’t think sassy went missing, but I love the nod to Justin Timberlake. He has curly hair. I have curly hair. He loves SNL. I love  watch SNL. He does good bye-bye-bye hands. And I don’t want to brag, but so do I.  I would like to think this ad blurb would have his blessing.  Winner Erin, email me your addy. (jen at jennybjones dot com)

My second pick was Suzanne Schaffer’s idea: Real life. Real laughs. Real love. I like it! It was definitely between those two for me. And for you as well! Do you do bye-bye-bye hands too? We’re all so alike! (By chance did you just spit a mouthful of walnuts into the trash? Because I just did. And it would be uncanny if you did too…)

I thought all the blurb suggestions were awesome though. If I posted about 90 speeches on here, would you guys weigh in on those as well? Maybe 340 pages of a book I’m editing? ; )  Kidding. . . for now.

I’m trying to work on being more positive this year, speaking positive things and verses out loud. I don’t know how someone caught this on video, but this is footage of me in the morning. Pardon my crazy hair.

 I’ve been collecting funny things my students have said. While I won’t miss them in June and July, I will miss their quotes.

Me: What do you think might be some good tips for working in a group?
Student 1: Do address me as Master of the World.
Student 2: Avoid Preston. Or anyone who acts like Preston.
Student 3: Avoid dumb ideas
Student 4: Avoid a groupie who smokes. It’s bad.
Student 5: Don’t steal your groupies crayons.
Student 6: Wear clean underwear.

Me: What did you do over Spring Break?
Student 1: I went to Italy.
Student 2: Did you have spaghetti? I hear they have good spaghetti.

Me (after assigning students to new groups): Tell everyone at your table your name.
Student I overheard: I’m Optimus Prime
Me: Your REAL name.

Me: Finish this sentence: I fear___________.
Student 1: Big noses.
Student 2: I don’t have fears. People fear me.
Student 3: Heights. The dark. Girls running after me with scissors.

Me: I need a little help for a book. If you were naming a professional football team, what would you call it?
Student 1: The Megatrons
Student 2: Raging Wild Beasts
Student 3: Hedgehogs
Student 4: Down and Dirty Dogs
Student 5: The Duggars

Tonight is the Idol finale! I really don’t care. I think Bowersox is the better singer, but something about her doesn’t work for me. And if Lee wins, then we have two years in a row of a white boy coffee house singer. I think they need to scrap it all and start auditions over. The screening process failed this year. The smartest thing that’s happened is Simon’s decision to leave. Who can blame him? Bring on The X Factor. American Idol, you and I are done. Take back your mix tape, because we’re over.

Have a great rest of the week-
Jen

I know this isn’t fair, but I am closing the contest a day early. Because I’d like us to move on to step two and vote for the best one! Your suggestions were ALL so good, seriously. They just blew me away. You guys are so complimentary. I have my favorite picked out. But I’ll let you cast your vote too. (But remember…the blurb doesn’t need to carry a theme of “Jenny thinks she’s fabulous. And if you’re not sure, just ask her.”) So if any of these are too self-boasting sounding…save me and don’t vote for them. ; )

As good as those suggestions above were, my favorites, were of course, the honorable mentions. Those not quite ready for prime time.  Such as:
1. Jesus is my co-author.
2. Me and Jesus. Cold chillin’
3. Jesus has a sense of humor too.
4. Making teens and women pee their pants.
5. Practically pithy in every way. (so tempted to use this.) (Do you guys get the Mary Poppins reference? Do you KNOW how much I love Senorita Poppins?)
6. You have to grow up. You don’t have to read like it.
7. More flavor packed than a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
8. At least there is no vampires. (submitted by our token dude, Dan)

You have Monday and Tuesday to vote. Winner announced Wednesday.

In case you missed my visit with author Nicole O’Dell on Teen Talk Radio, you can still here all the excitement HERE in the archives.

I stole this from someone’s Tweet, but have you seen this? I’m in love. I want a minivan.

Is that not awesome? When she said, “Where my mutha fathas at” that is SOOO not what I thought was gonna come out of her mouth. I think that whole campaign is brilliant. (You can watch them all on YouTube.) It’s hard to convince anyone that a minivan is cool. Other companies have tried. And failed. I love how they’re not even trying to here. They’re convincing you your life is still cool.

To wrap this up, I’d like to say a BIG congratulations to Chip MacGregor of MacGregor Literary. His son and daughter-in-law have welcomed a beautiful baby girl to the family. Blessings to them all. The literary world will now be referring to Chip as Gramps. Gramps MacGregor.

Finally, pray for our planet. Every time I turn on the news, I just want to throw up.  The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico will and is affecting the world.(I have yet to be able to sit through a segment on the animal and wildlife devastation.) God help the people of Louisiana. God help us all. We have screwed up. And we have screwed up good.

Now vote!
JEN

Okay, first I gotta tell you that life just keeps getting more and more exciting around here. First my cat flies up a tree, demonstrating his previously unknown superhero skills. Much mayhem followed. Then tonight…TONIGHT I experienced my first earthquake. A nearby town had a small about three weeks ago. But I didn’t feel it. I was bummed.  So I’m in my office pretending to work writing and I feel this weird shaking. My windows rattled for a few seconds. We’ve had a week of storms, so my first thought was, “That was some serious thunder.”  Then I look outside. Sunny.  SO I think, “Could it be? Earthquake?”

I run outside to see if anyone else in the neighborhood was gathering. (Facebook Phenom I’ve decided to call it. Come on, people! Let’s assemble together and make short, pithy comments about our experience!)  But there wasn’t a soul outside. So I thought, “Obviously this just hit my house and wasn’t a quake. Maybe a tree fell on the house.” So I walk all the way around the house inspecting. Nothing. I go back inside to check my garage to see if anything’s exploded. Nothing. So I’m thinking either that was a quake or it was a wild, lone clap of thunder.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m checking Twitter…and my loyal, dependable weather man Dan (he makes me snow happy) is giving the news–it was a 2.6 magnitude quake. This is almost freakishly weird where I live. There is a fault line near, but still. Earthquakes just don’t happen. I think the earth is angry–angry at BP. (I have another theory that something in the universe got shifted when Kara was added to American Idol and Paula left, disturbing the perfect balance of a pop culture trifecta. And oceanic/continental plates.)

About ten minutes after the earthquake was announced, I got a random update that “Prayer Requests” is now following me on Twitter.

And now we arrive at the portion of the post where I tell you I need your creative brains. Mine is not working. It’s on summer break. Some writer friends and I are creating (and by creating I mean someone smarter than me is creating…) an ad to go in a conference book for ACFW in September. The ad will have our individuals pics, a few of our books, and a VERY short tag line. Well…I have no tag line. We had one, and then we lost it. And everything I keep coming up with is lame. Something that conveys the books are not total downers, they’re for teens AND lady folks, and if they bought one I’d be their very best friend. (Just kidding on that last part. Because there’s not enough room for bribery. I checked.)  And it needs to be about 8 words or less. One of the lady’s is Romance, Ruses, and Redemption. (I tried to go with “Romance, Ruses, and Redemption, As Well” but the group didn’t think it fit my books.)   I also thought about just a generic blurb that covers everything like, “Yo momma.”  Nobody seems to like that idea either. So….here’s where you come in.

Let’s do a contest. (Life is short and earthquakey. I need to give away books.)  Leave me a comment with your suggestions on my blurb. It needs to allude to humor and I’d like it to NOT sound like I just write for teens because we’ve had enough confusion over people assuming Just Between You and Me is YA.  (I’d also like it to be so magically appealing that my books outsell Twilight and knock out Romeo and Juliet for required high school reading. I know you can do it!!!!)

Can’t wait to hear your audacious greatness. You have until Tuesday night, at the closing credits of Glee to enter. If I pick one of the ideas as my blurb, you will get a copy of So Over My Head (or a book of your choice–um, one of mine since they consume my garage). If none are blurb-ready, then I’ll just randomly draw. Winner announced Wednesday. Unless the earth cracks open or something.

You can do it. I believe in you.

Blurb like you’ve never blurbed before.

Jen

Happy Wednesday! And for some of you–happy one day closer to summer break!

Have you visited Free Book Friday? If not, you totally need to jump over there. Not only do they give away books on Fridays, but this week, it’s So Over My Head.  For your chances to win the book, go HERE.

So I just got a notice that the Arkansas Crisis Center is now following me on Twitter. I have to say…I’m not a bit surprised. Especially after last night’s fiasco.

In case you’re new here, I have a cat. Miller. And Miller is very pretty. And sweet natured. And that’s about all he’s got going for him. He is mentally challenged, and his world in the past 8 years has been nothing but rainbows and kibbles. But that all changed last night.

So my cat is an indoor cat. He has no front claws. About a year and a half ago, I started letting him go outside because I could tell he was bored and depressed. (He’d just become an only cat when his buddy went to the Great Meow Mix in the sky)  So I started letting him out in small doses. Now it’s his crack. He’s obsessed with outside. And one of the things Simple Miller loves to do is sit under  a bush right next to the road (soooo smart) and watch the ‘hood. He sits there for HOURS. Just thinking   sitting.

So yesterday I’m in my dining room and I see this white blur go by. Then two gigantic dogs (we’re talking mongrels, not a tiny lab here) with trailing leashes come thundering onto my back deck. The white blur goes airborne over the side of the deck. My deck is quite a ways off the ground. If I jumped off of it, I would break at least a tibia. Perhaps a few phalanges.

These dogs are going nuts. They are working in tandem to corral my cat. They are in total predatory mode. They ain’t messin’ around. So I throw open the back door and storm out, and I see my cat WHO HAS NO FRONT CLAWS scale this practically branch-less tree like Spider Man. And the thing just keeps going and going and going. And I’m like oh, crap. Oh, crap.

So finally a woman peeks around the corner. She’s got a couple yip dogs on leashes. We talk. I remind myself to be friendly even though I’m thinking I’m gonna have to call the freakin’ fire department. Because this cat was AT LEAST 15 feet up in the tree. With no way down.

Exhibit A.

See that white blob at the top? That’s my cat. Notice how there are no branches ’til the top. So nobody’s climbing that thing to get the cat. No household ladder’s gonna reach it. And trust me when I say no amount of spinning around 3x while blowing on a dandelion and making a wish was going to deliver the cat safely to the ground. I know many people would be totally thinking of the cat’s well being here. But I thought:
1. This is going to be expensive
2. I need my camera

So the neighbor lady left with some vague “sorry my dogs got away and I wish you luck” kind of blah blah. (I’m SO not inviting her to my next neighborhood meatloaf night.) And I just stood there watching my cat high above me. Watching my cat watching me. Mills has lived a pampered life. If he were a child, he’d be wearing a helmet at all times, and I would be a total enabeling parent. He has never known a day of evil or hardship in his life. His world doesn’t work that way. He lives in happyville. So I could tell his mind was totally blown.

And I waited for him to try and come down. Would he be smart enough to realize he had to back down, back feet/claws first? Would any cat? I dunno, but not this one. I waited. And waited.

Totally don’t know what to do here. Aren’t you going to fix this? You fix EVERYTHING!!!

Still thinking sitting.

Starting to get ticked….

Dude, why am I still HANGING here? Ever had a branch in your fuzzy gut? Not comfy. Not comfy at all.

And possibly my favorite shot. I think his face says it all.

Possible things running through Miller head:

1. *&#@!

2. Dude, mess with me again, and I will bust a cap on you.

3. I. . .am in a freakin’ tree.

4. If I ever get down from here, I’m going back to sleeping 20 hours a day.

5. *&#@!!

Miller just kept looking at me like “DO SOMETHING!” and didn’t really seem motivated to move himself. So I decided to go in and hope he would miraculously grow some brain cells or wings and figure this out. I went inside and went straight to my office. Just in time to see him take one step and fall all the way down to the ground, crashing into various bits of foliage as he went.

So I ran outside, expecting him to have raced away to safety. Nope. He was just standing there where he’d crashed. Dazed and confused. There were cartoon birds tweeting around his head.

Miller hates to be picked up. But I did it anyway, and this cat just held on for dear life. Then we went inside, and I sat with him on the couch, trying to figure out if anything was broken. The cat was still as a statue. Except for the fuzzy white head he hid under my armpit. Like, “Make it go away. Make the last 5 minutes just go away.” 

So the end of the story is so far the cat is fine. He was a little sore and slow moving this morning. And he spent the rest of the day and night in a daze, so I’m guessing he might’ve gotten a little bump on the head. And he’s now walking around the house like he’s Sydney Bristow on a mission, thinking those dogs are going to pop out of a closet and attack him in his home any moment. He totally did a tuck and roll just this morning.

But enough about my disaster. Unless we have more animal rumbles in the neighborhood, I’ll be on YA author Nicole O’Dell’s Teen Talk Radio this Thursday at 9 pm, central time.  Nicolehas a great internet radio program just about issues that affect teens.  So tune in and hear us gab about books, confidence, God, my crazy students, and things we’d tell our teen selves if we could go back. (It’s some wise, wise stuff…)  Hope you’ll join us!

JEN