Happy Halloween weekend! If you’re into that sort of thing, Piknik, a free photo editing site, has some FUN seasonal editing tools right now. I could have totally fanged out Lucy on the cover of Save the Date. Or given hot stuff Alex there zombie eyes. But I thought it might be a bit much. But it was soooo fun. You should definitely check it out, but warning–it’s as addictive as candy corn.

Save the Date doesn’t hit the shelves until Feb. 1, two-thousand and eleven, in the year of our Lord, but the good folks of Thomas Nelson have given me a few Advanced Reader Copies (translation: not totally edited yet cobweb/black cat-free) and I thought I’d share one with you. Following the new Save the Date chapter peek are instructions for getting in the running for the ARC.

Save the Date
Randomly Chosen Chapter, page 49

Lucy clutched her heart, her eyes wide, then mutinous. “What in the world do you think you’re doing? You scared me to death.”

“You look good with dust on your nose.” Like an angry pixie.

A fury stared back at him. “I repeat, what are you doing here?”

“You invited me, remember?”

“Yes, as in a scheduled visit. Not when everyone is gone. Who let you in?”

“A young woman.  Nice girl, though not much of a conversationalist.” Alex smiled.

“I have a phone, you know. You could’ve called–instead of sneaking up on me like some sort of creep.”She twisted the dust rag in her hands. “A musically critical creep.”

“Actually I went to your apartment, but Mr. Jenkins said you’d be here. Pleasant guy.” Alex dropped his voice a notch. “Though the wife’s a little bit of a nag.”

She had a giant dust bunny occupying a prominent place on her blouse, but he decided to be a gentleman and not tell her.

“If you were as good at politics as you are at stalking, I think you could make it all the way to the White House.”

The words sliced, but he’d belt out some blues himself before he’d reveal that to her. “Funny you should mention politics–and thank you for the vote of support, by the way. I like a girl with vision.”

“And I like a guy who knows when to leave when he’s not wanted.”

“You really should lock your doors.” He shook his head as he counted the chairs at the table. It could seat half of Congress. “Anyone could walk in here.”

“True.” She didn’t let her gaze waver. “There are pervs all over this town.”

“Speaking of that, according to the papers and gossip rags, you and I are dating.” His lips stretched into an easy smile. “I’m a little hurt you don’t make me dinner more often, but other than that, you’ve been an exemplary girlfriend.”

If she were a tiger, she’d be snarling and baring her claws. “Look, unless you have news about Sinclair’s donation, we really don’t have anything to say to one another.”

“Oh, but I think we do.” He advanced another step. “I have a proposition for you.” He continued as she opened her mouth. “Hear me out before you decide to get offended.”

“Talk quick. I have a lunch date.”

“Cancel it.”

“Go away.”

“I said cancel it.”

Lucy blinked. “Why?”

That look in her eyes. That uncertainty. Alex found he liked her unbalanced. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“I realize after that People story, half the female population is mad at your right now, but I’m not interested.” She pursed her lips as if in thought. “I do have a fourth cousin in Savannah who’d probably be up for a date.” She turned back to her cabinet. “She’s eighty-five.”

Alex inhaled deeply. Did everything in his life have to be so unbelievably complicated? “Normally when I ask a woman out I get a different reaction. Like tears of gratefulness.”

“Is this before or after you hand them a free autographed football?”

Lucy was not a woman to be swayed by pretty words, so he got right to it. “I want to talk about a donation for your home. Now…break your date.”

She lifted one brow. “So Sinclair Hotels is going to help us after all?”

“No.”

“But you just said–”

“Sinclair won’t be helping you any more this year. But I will.” That look on her face was making this all worth it. This idea could be half-way enjoyable. A boon to his campaign and a cure for the boredom that had plagued him for months. “I don’t like to talk business on an empty stomach, and I’m a man in need of pie. Plus I don’t really want to discuss it here.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I’m talking a large amount of money.”

She watched him with guarded eyes. “And what do I have to do in return?”

“All you have to do”–his cheek dimpled with a wolf’s grin–”is marry me.”

************

Okay, now it’s your turn. To get your name in the hat for an Advanced Reader Copy of Save the Date (or as we call it, STD), pick up the book you’re reading. (Or magazine. Or text book. Or steal a book someone else is reading.) Flip to page 49 and select the best line on the page. Leave it in the comments section, along with the title of the book/magazine/DVR manual by Thursday, November 4th. Winner announced next Friday.

Believe it or not, I’m reading a health book. (Weird fact, I read a ton of these. The people who know me by name at McDonalds would probably not believe this.)

I’m reading Clean by Dr. Alejandro Junger. Actually, I just finished it. Read it in one day; it was that good. It’s about how we know our standard American diet is killing us, but it’s even worse than we thought. (SUCH a happy book!) It lays out a 3 week eating cleanse that is supposed to change your life, turn you rich, and make all your dreams come true. (Yes! I might FINALLY get that pony.) Actually it’s about how all the preservatives in our foods are killing the bacteria that we need to fight off disease and germs, and this is why the majority of Americans are either overweight, feel like crap, or have some sort of terrible diagnosis. I really do recommend it. Anyway, here’s my line from page 49. (…picks up book. Prays it’s not the chapter on number twosies…)

A recent study showed that 41 million Americans drink water contaminated with antidepressants, hormones, heart medications, and other prescription and over-the-counter medications that have made it through the water-treatment system.

Okay, I’m hoping your line selection is a little bit juicier than that. And drug free.

Let’s hear what you’re reading!

Have a good weekend, guys.

74 comments

Can you believe October is almost over? Where has it gone? Where has 2010 gone?

Congrats to Deborah of Books, Movies, and Chinese Food, an excellent review blog. Thanks to Random Number Generator, Deborah won our Barnies gift card for sharing her favorite YA reads as a teen. (Deborah just email me your home addy, girl.)

I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED talking YA books. So many of you brought up books that I had totally forgotten about–like Bridge to Terabithia. I definitely remember that one now. Okay, confession, I mostly remember our elementary teachers showing us the movie. I seem to remember watching a lot of movies in elementary school. I should’ve been a teacher in the 80s…  I think what I loved about Judy Blume was that she was funny and real. Bridge to Terabithia, Where the Red Fern Grows, Old Yeller, and other things we read in those days…sad. As in snot cry sad. I couldn’t read Lurlene McDaniel for those reasons either, though she is a fabulous and prolific YA author. I don’t know why 80s YA writers wanted to make people cry. 80s TV sure didn’t. I grew up on the slapstick comedy of Three’s Company and the realistic drama of Dynasty. Both made quite an impact in my life. I don’t think TV will ever be as good as it was in the golden 1980s.

1. From Three’s Company I learned that when things go wrong, all you have to do is make a funny face and run into a door and fall down, and somehow, 30 minutes later, the problem will be resolved. I also learned that every single time you eavesdrop, you will hear it incorrectly and wind up at the Regal Begal nursing your troubles with your Dickies-wearing landlord and a sloe gin fizz.

2. From Dynasty I learned when you get in an argument with another woman, your choices for a resolution are to slap them in the face or push them into a pool. I also learned the size of your shoulder pads are directly proportional to the number of husbands you’ve divorced. Just like Alexis Morrell Carrington Dexter Rowan.

3. From Who’s the Boss, I discovered that the reason my house isn’t clean is because I don’t have an Italian man living with me. But for the sake of dust bunny elimination, I have asked for one for Christmas.

4. While watching Punky Brewster, I learned during a special kid-written episode, that I should never close myself in the refrigerator because I could die. It didn’t make for a very interesting show, but I think of it every time I want to climb in and spend some quality time with the leftover lasagna.

5. The Facts of Life was a favorite. I remember watching this character named George in the later episodes and thinking, “That guy has got something.”

I also remember asking my mom if I could go to a boarding school because I wanted to be friends with Nat, Tootie, Blair, and Jo. She said, “You know they don’t live at home right? They never see their parents?” This changed everything. I was too attached to my mom’s homemade mac and cheese to trade it all in for a dorm room and a navy blazer.

6. From Moonlighting, a show about David Addison and Maddie Hayes, I learned that man vs. woman arguments are best resolved when you both talk at the same time. Sadly, I couldn’t find a clip of this, but Castle would love to have half the sizzle these two detectives had.

(Forward to minute 4:37 and stop at 5:33)

7. From Kate and Allie I learned if you cheat in college you get kicked out. This literally stuck with me through the 90s. Fortunately, shoulder pads did not.

8. From the Cosby’s I learned that if your dad wears ugly sweaters, sometimes people still like him anyway. Especially if he sells Jello pudding pops.

9. I watched Designing Women because those ladies talked like me. Especially Bernice. Who rarely had a clue what was going on.

10. From watching Murder She Wrote, I now know the butler never does it. And every mystery can be solved with a bicycle ride and a few winks to the local sheriff.

11. I adored the Golden Girls. I would watch it with my grandmother and she would cover her mouth when she laughed, look at me and say, “We shouldn’t be watching this. This isn’t a very nice show.” Then turn up the volume.

12. I learned Fraggle Rock was the rich people’s Muppets and taught me I couldn’t have everything I wanted. Like HBO.

“I better do like a doozer does and get going.” Good words to live by. You don’t learn this stuff with basic cable. Just think how my life could’ve been different if I had known this 25 years ago.

13. Little House on the Prairie taught me the power of patience. Because I woulda hauled off and decked that Nellie Olson right in the schnoz. And her mother too. Heifers. I also learned living the simple life was more stressful than one would think. Every episode someone died, someone lost a dog, someone learned a lesson, someone got hitched, someone got blind, someone got run over by a wagon wheel, or someone lost their home. It was exhausting.

14. By watching MacGyver I learned if I was stuck in a bad situation I would need a can of hair spray and a piece of gum. Because I would want good hair and fresh breath when I just laid down and died. Problem solving is not my gift.

15. From Hee-Haw I found that you can sing better with big boobs.
(Reason number 293 why I still don’t have a record deal.)

So what about you? What were your favorite TV shows growing up? For some of you, that’s last week. For some of you bigger girls…a wee bit earlier. Let’s hear it!

And finally, I wanted to include the best moment from TV 2010. This is the best thing I’ve ever seen. From Glee (and rated G. Promise.)

Have a great week!

17 comments

How did this important holiday get past me?

Teen Read Week was created by ALA, who believe in celebrating YA reading at your library. It’s the perfect blend of awesomeness. I love teen books. And I love libraries. AND I love a giveaway. Keep reading to find out how you can win a $20 dollar gift card from Barnes and Noble. (Which you could use to buy a book. Then after your read the book, you could donate it to your favorite library. That is so pro-Teen Read Week.)

There weren’t a lot of YA books out there when I was growing up, so I read mostly stuff for grownups. I can’t even imagine being a tween/teen and having all the book choices you guys have. I’d never have left my yellow and white bedroom with the posters of Tom Cruise and Kirk Cameron. The book I remember the most, which WAS YA, was Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. This book has been on quite a few banned lists, but in my small town we didn’t do banning (but we did do mule jumps). This is a coming-of-age story about (you guessed it), Margaret. All my friends read it. We passed it around and reread all the juicy parts. I learned a lot from this book. I will never forget the phrase, “I must, I must, I must increase my bust!” for as long as I live. (I find it still comes in handy when there are lulls in conversations on dates, professional meetings, or when running into my pastor at Wal-Mart and I’m stuck for conversation.)  This book educated a lot of girls on things nobody else was talking about. Judy Blume is the original queen of YA, and I’m still in awe of her.

When I got to grad school, I had a professor who was SOLD OUT on YA books. This was pretty much a new phenom to me, but I immediately got on board. She would do book talks–bringing a bunch of young adult novels, talk for a few minutes on each one (just enough to get you all invested), then pass the books around so you could hold them in your hands and stare adoringly at the covers (which were better than the one on poor Judy’s Scholastic Book Club cover above). From Dr. Morrow I learned about books like Hatchett, True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle, Out of the Dust, Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. Authors like Richard Peck, Robert Cormier, Sharon Creech, Spinelli, Sachar, Myers, Cooney, Levine, Mazer, Soto, and a ton more. YA was exploding, and it was…total book nerd nirvana.

And now thanks to authors like J.K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer, YA isn’t just for kids anymore. It’s lit everyone is getting into. Everyone’s reading them!

So what about you? What books will you look back on and say, “Those were my favorite reads as a tween/teen?” To enter the contest this week, just leave a comment with your answer. You have until Saturday at midnight, CST to enter. Winner will be randomly drawn and will be given a twenty dollar Barnes and  Noble gift card for playing along.

Let’s hear your answers!

**I’d love to hear from you all, but contest open to US residents only.

49 comments

Today my students have the day off.
I do not. Why? Because I have meetings all day.

On one hand, I’m ready for a kid-free day. (And they’re ready for a teacher-free day, so our offenses cancel each other out.)  On the other hand, meetings rank right up there with tetanus shots and all-soprano opera.

If you’re like me and you have a two second attention span, plus a natural aversion to charts, graphs, and data disaggregation, then you might benefit from some of my Meeting Survival Tips, taken from my yet-to-be published book Meetings Can Be As Lame as Water Boarding and Fire Ants. These survival tips are good for meetings only. They will not work in class, for you students. Because we all know you WILL use that information someday. All of it. Somehow. Just like I use my geology and botany info every day. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to identify a rock or leaf during the course of a day. Anyway…

Taken from the chapter titled, “Well, I WOULDN’T Be Growling If Someone Had Brought Some Starbucks.” Rules for surviving a meeting…

1. Attend meeting with mime face paint on. Permanent smile. And permanent creepiness. Nobody will bother you, look at you, or ask you to climb out of your imaginary glass box.

2. Bring enough binders and notebooks so you can build a Fort of Nap Time. It would be rude to peek into someone’s Fort of Nap Time. You might want to email a memo with this instruction prior to the meeting, so you are insured uninterrupted sleep and relaxation. Plus it’s a great excuse to finally use that Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper.

3. Bring your favorite magazines and get others to help you complete the quizzes. What’s more important–learning new information that involves you keeping your job OR figuring out whether your relationship style is Team Edward, Jacob, or Jackson Stewart?

4. Bring the latest issue of People and have the twisted relationship of the Jolie-Pitts analyzed by the end of the meeting, complete with flow charts and illustrated diagrams to send to Dr. Phil. Or to fold into paper airplanes and send to Mr. I’m Too Cool To Turn Off My Cell Phone sitting five rows back.

5. Plan your lunch escape route. I usually start this within 30 seconds of being seated. I also like to create options A, B, and C, which gives me alternate routes and choices in case the meeting goes over or a chicken truck has turned over yet AGAIN in the center of the highway, blocking the way between me and a Value Meal.

6. Practice all those Sue Sylvester-isms you’ve been storing up. “My parents were famous Nazi hunters. So they weren’t around a lot.” Or…”You think this hard? I’m passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard!”

7. Bring a Michael Jackson face mask in case you sit by the Person Who Daily Mistakes Her Perfume For Raid Wasp and Hornet Killer.  (Item 7B, pray for companionship for these people, because obviously they don’t have a best friend to let them know they have a certain air of stinky.)

8. Bring snacks. Not only does this keep you happy, but it gets you instant friends. And if you leave your peanut M&Ms out overnight, your stale chewing sounds will completely block out the speaker’s voice. I like to use these during the presentation given by the person whose speech and PowerPoint are exact duplicates and match word-for-word. And when Mr. I’m Too Cool To Turn Off My Cell Phone asks questions over info we’ve already gone over, but he was too busy talking to Fantasy Football Buddy Number 3.

9. Do not write comments on those end-of-presentation “anonymous” surveys in the voice of Snooki or JWOWW . They know your handwriting. Trust me.

10. During the required, “Turn to the person on your left and tell them one thing you learned” time, always speak first. I usually like to begin with the words, “So…what did you think?”

Clearly that chapter is a work in progress. I’m grateful for my meeting tomorrow because I can do some more field research for my future release, Meetings Can Be As Lame as Water Boarding and Fire Ants. I haven’t found a publisher for it yet, but my agent has had these two words to say about it already: Bidding. War.

Have a great Monday.

9 comments

Chi! Chi! Chi! Le! Le! Le!

Omigosh, has this been an incredible week for stories or what? What an inspiration those miners are. Did you see this little boy?

He’s just overcome, can’t contain it.

My favorite is this one, Mario Gomez, the oldest of the miners.

Skip to minute 3:12.

Mario was the designated spiritual leader of the group. He came out holding up the Chilean flag. Went to his wife of 30 years then dropped to his knees and prayed. I love the commentary in the background there. “I suspect he’s praying.” ha.

I love that each miner has such a story. There are 50 books waiting to be written here. Like Mario, whose wife waited outside day and night in the cold for him. The day of the disaster, she had asked him to take the day off and help her. But he refused and said he had to go to the mine–he was needed. After the accident, the wife had been told to prepare herself for bad news, that it was unlikely most miners had survived. But she said she knew the whole time her husband was alive.

And then there’s the schmuck who had a wife and a mistress; and of course, the two ladies met while keeping vigil. (Total party foul.)  The wife did not show up for the rescue. I think she was booking an appointment with Perez Hilton.

And Franklin Lobos, a former pro soccer player who said, “This was the toughest match of my life.”

I love the spirit of the miners and the spirit of the Chilean people. Who comes out holding your country’s flag? Not me! I’d come out screaming to get me out of that skinny time warp capsule. Who celebrates by chanting your country’s name?  We’d probably come out calling for the name of our attorneys. And you know by the time we came out, we’d all have one. Or a team of them. (Anyone else catch yourself doing the chant at random moments? What? Um, no. Me neither.)

And then there’s the story of their shirts. I had never heard of the Jesus Movie  until a few years ago when my friend Lizann went on a mission trip. The Jesus Movie is a film by Campus Crusade for Christ International that tells the salvation story and has been translated  into 1105 languages and seen in every country. The miners were given an mp3 copy of the audio of this film along with the audio New Testament. The film tells the story of Jesus buried in the tomb, then resurrected to new life. I love that parallel. One of the miners sent up a letter to CCCI that said, “I am fine because Christ lives in me.” He closed the letter with Psalm 95:4, “In His hands are the depths of the earth…”  This same miner later asked for “special” shirts from CCCI. On the front it says Thank you, Lord. On the back…Psalm 95:4.

Those low moments (for the miners, literally) are divinely designed to be the worst and the best of our lives. The worst–during the process. And the best, how we choose to rise from it. Like Jonah and the whale. Or a mine containing a group of men with unquenchable spirits.

Gracias, Senor.

4 comments