So today is my birthday. When you get older, these things kinda creep up on you. Last night I got an early “woohoo, it’s your birthday” on Facebook, and I was like, “Oh. I guess tomorrow is my birthday.” So happy 29th-ish to me. So far I have celebrated my birthday week by:

1. Spending 5 hours getting tax junk together.
2. Taking tax junk to accountant. I have a super nice accountant, but for some reason I dread this appointment every year, and I always feel like I’m in the principal’s office. If you don’t know what that feeling is like, you haven’t lived.
3. Buying professional hair color
4. Mixing professional hair color
5. Getting very unprofessional hair color results.
6. Doctoring up scary color (pale red roots with the other 90 percent black, thankyouverymuch) with Miss Clairol.
7. Making promise to the Lord I will name my first born Miss Clairol.
8. Getting up at 4:30 this morning while I should’ve been dreaming of cake
9. Yelling at alarm.
10. Working out at unholy hour because fat cells like to tag team girls beyond, ahem, 25.
11. Going out to eat with my sweet mother
12. Lunch with my dad and stepmom
13. Family dinner where I pick the menu and my brother reminds me this is the anniversary of when his four-year old life got ruined.
14. Mellow Mushroom and movie with friends
15. Dinner and movie with another friend
16. Buying new stretchy pants to accommodate all the dinner and movies.
17. Reflecting on deep life moments. “Why did I color my own hair?”

On this day of deep thoughts (I’ve inhaled a lot of ammonia tonight, see items 3-7), I just wanted to tell you I’m very, very grateful for my blog friends. Y’all are awesome. I don’t care what everyone else says about you…

See you Friday!

So the question of the week over at Southern Belle View is “If you could have dinner with anyone, who would you invite?” Totally hop over there and read the awesome guest line-ups from Rachel Hauck, Lisa Wingate, Beth Webb Hart, and Marybeth Whalen. I’m on tap for today, and it’s a total repeat of this.

I love this question because my answer changes every time I answer it. First of all, let me get the menu out of the way.

Iced tea. No sugar. Sue me.
Salad to begin with. (With those cute little dried cranberries and homemade ranch dressing.)
Steak, medium well
Fried okra
My mom’s homemade mac-n-cheese
Strawberry pie (I’d like this brought out first, now that I think about it. I want to be a good host…)

1. Carol Burnett. Most of y’all know I would die if I got to spend even ten seconds in her presence. Carol is my hero. She’s the queen of sketch comedy, and every woman at SNL owes their careers to her. I grew up watching the Carol Burnett Show in reruns. My favorite thing was when they got cracked up. Tim Conway never laughed, but he was often the source of them losing their composure. Like here.

I would love to talk to Ms. Burnett about her life (her biographies are great), how humor must’ve played a part in it. I would tell her that watching her influenced my life, that I grew up to teach drama and write comedy. I would also tell her that I was greatly disappointed I was not cast in the 1982 movie version of Annie and I still know all the words to every song. You’re never fully dressed without a smile! I would also tell her that she always reminded me of my grandmother, with her balance of wit and intelligence, her zippy comebacks and perfect timing, her tone of voice and her funny facial expressions. Ironically my grandmother never cared for Carol Burnett, saying the woman was too crass. I always wanted to tell her, “She’s not crass. . . she’s you.”

2. Alice Roosevelt would be my next pick. She was the oldest of Theodore Roosevelt and quite a pistol. She was the only child of President Roosevelt and his first wife Alice, whom he loved dearly. On one terrible day, he lost both his wife and mother in law, leaving him alone with baby Alice. He was so distraught, so heartsick over the death of his wife, he would never speak of her, wouldn’t allow her name to be mentioned, and would not call his daughter by her given name, but referred to her as Baby Lee. Alice went by this name well into her life. Alice was a trouble maker, a practical joker, and a woman of wit. Roosevelt didn’t have much to do with young Alice and left her raising to others in the family, even after he remarried and had other children. I would love to talk to Alice about her abandonment issues and about my idea for putting her on her own reality show. Girl was a character! She could put those Real Housewives out of business! Despite a touch of childhood polio, Alice was able to run up the stairs and touch her nose with her toes at age 80. I can’t even do that at 30-something. *she leaves to go try again…*

3. Steven Tyler and Aerosmith. Love Steven. He so crazy, y’all. I’ve been an Aerosmith fan forever. My favorite song is “What It Takes,” and when I hear it, it takes me back to a specific year (1989), specific place (track meet), and time in my life (high school) and the snack of the day (Keebler fudge sticks, thankyouverymuch). I was quite done with American Idol, having grown bored with it. But then I started hearing everyone talk about how unexpectedly good the new judges panel was, mostly because of Steven Tyler. So I tuned in. Omigosh, the guy is brilliant at it. Compassionate, quick on his feet, a people person with his eye on the human aspect of every contestant. And finally, FINALLY someone on the show who FEELS music.

4. I’m cheating and providing a fourth. Condoleezza Rice. Condi is so crazy smart. And a musician. I would love to bend her ear and hear all her stories about life as the 66th Secretary of State, how she wasn’t just an employee of the president, but his friend. No matter your politics, there is something so easy to respect about this quiet and refined woman.

5. To round out my cheating, might I offer a fifth and final entry, Joseph, father of Jesus. Don’t you just have questions for this guy? Dude, who are you? Your wife would’ve had the reputation of a total floosie and outcast and you were her husband. Were you ostracized? How much did you doubt her? What was Christ like as a boy? When did you disappear? Why did you disappear? Are you sad that Mary has a starring role in the greatest book in the history of mankind and you are barely a footnote? Joseph…have another piece of pie and talk to us.

What about you? Who would make your list?
(All photos by Amazon)

I play this game with my students about once a month. I make them tell me their favorite song of the moment. Not their forever favorite, but the fave of that week. Most of them usually give answers I can’t identify. “I like ‘Tastes Like Kevin Bacon’ by I Wrestled A Bear Once.” Yeah. Me too. Totally my favorite. My grandma and I sing it all the time.

Here’s my current fave of the moment, Price Tag by Jessie J.

Another one I’ve worn out is “Someone Like You” by Adele and her fake eye lashes.

What about you? Song you have on repeat this week?

Wow, the Brandon Heath topic was a hot one. I had no idea the guy had so many loyal (read: obsessive and proprietary) fans!  Amy, who has interviewed BH, says we need to start BHFCC–the Brandon Heath Fake Crush Club. Reagan pointed me to my new BH favorite song, “London”. It’s seriously good. Though it makes me glad BH is just a fake crush because the song says he gets horribly turned around and is terrible with directions. I get lost in my hometown on a regular basis. You can’t put two of those types together. Author Liz Johnson all but challenged me to a duel (pistols at dawn, we’ll be needing seconds.) and Jeannie Campbell has offered all of us in the BHFCC club counseling. I don’t need it, Jeannie. . .but they do.

This weekend I went to a good friend’s wedding. Above is a pic of friends Lizann, Kim, and Leslie. I’m the short girl who decided to class up the joint with a ponytail. Anyway, like many of you, I’ve been to a lotttttt of weddings over the years. It’s given me plenty of time to think about how weddings need to change, to get with the 21st century and be more user friendly. Here are some tips I came up with Saturday while the happy couple was lighting the unity candle.

1. Hot dog and Coke vendors. Sure, we usually get snacks after the wedding, but why not during? We need those guys who strap on a box around their neck and go through the crowds and sell hot dogs for three bucks and iced cold Dr. Pepper. No, sir, I don’t need mustard. I don’t want to sully my dress.

2. Sponsors and vendors. I nominate Sonic (great ice!) to be present. Some Chick-Fil-A, with that cow walking around handing out nugget samples. Because nothing says “sacred event” like eating chicken from some dude with gigantic waddling udders. I would totally buy a large drink before going into the church. And I would sit there and drink it super quietly. Until I needed to signal for a refill. And when I got to the cherry in the drink, I totally wouldn’t stage a quick stem tying contest. At least not til the first musical solo when we all sit there unsure of where to look anyway.

3. American Idol-like voting on music. There would be a number that’s saved for the finale, and we won’t know what it is til the end, when the votes are tallied. I’d vote Paradise City by Guns-n-Roses and maybe some Usher. And most definitely some Loretta Lynn. Because girl doesn’t get played nearly enough, and I’m not sure why. The politically correct “Your Squaw In On the Warpath Tonight” is so relevant to any sweet union.

4. Group dance by wedding party. At one point in this lovely wedding (truly, one of the nicest weddings I’ve been to), but at one point, the entire wedding party gathered around the couple, forming a circle around them, arms extended toward them and prayed. The prayers didn’t start immediately, so there they were in circular formation, all arms pointed toward the center. And I lean over to my friend and said, “I would die of happiness if they burst out of that in song and dance. With ribbons.” They didn’t. They took the high road instead. (I’ve heard of that road…)  So the prayer was really touching and profound, but if only they had thrown in some jazz fingers. A tambourine from the best man. Shimmy shakes from the maid-of-honor. A little bit of a letdown.

5. Paying homage to our Jewish ancestors (and to My Big Fat Greek Wedding) by including glass stomping and hoisting the bride and groom on chairs, called the Hora. We don’t like to use that word in my church…especially on a girl’s wedding day.

6. Themes. Maybe Gladiator Wedding? Little Mermaid? Harry Potter? Dress like your favorite royal? (Queen Mum! Queen Mum!) Favorite cartoon from childhood? (Smurfs!)

7. Wedding Bingo. Sometimes you need a little something to do to keep yourself from talking during the service. . .

8. Queso and chips given to each attendee instead of bubbles.

9. The entire service done in rhyme.

10. Karaoke time. Whitney Houston anyone?

11. Bride and groom must wear their high school prom attire.

12. Rocky Horror Picture Show moments, where on cue, we’d throw toilet paper, fling toast, and break out the water pistols.

13. Eminem officiating. (His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy…)

14. Chocolate fountain at every reception table, and an understanding that when using one, all dining etiquette rules are off.

15. Invite Cirque de Soleil. There’s that time in a wedding where someone is singing and the couple has to look at one another for a very long period of time. If we had people in unitards dropping from the ceiling, we’d all have something to gaze upon, and the extended version of “God Bless the Broken Road” would just zip on by.

What about you? Any suggestions for Weddings 2011?

That picture makes me laugh. It’s from the Dave Barnes-Brandon Heath concert last week. The blind-folded girl was turning 13 and her cousin (right) had swaddled her head to surprise her for the big day. Other things that have made me smile lately…

1. This clip from Ellen.  I, too, listen to Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg.

2. I so appreciate this review by Overweight Bookshelf for Save the Date. Short and sweet.

3. If you have a Kindle or even if you’re interested in the publishing industry, I hope you’re checking the Kindle Review Blog. It both gives me free Kindle books and scares the book-writing stuffing out of me.  Sometimes the blogger comments on the free books listed. This one made me laugh.

Murder in Passy: An Aimee Leduc Investigation Set in Paris by Cara Black. Price: $0. Genre: Mystery, Woman Sleuths, Thriller. Rated 5 stars on 1 review.
You know what - the title just doesn’t convey enough about the book. They should have gone with something like ‘Murder in Passy at Rue de Blanc: The Second Aimee Leduc Investigation Set in Paris on the 12th of March in 1953 with a dashing waiter named Jean-Louis and a Vespa nicknamed The Two Winged Chariot’.

4. Overheard from one manly high school boy: “I feel like I need hugs to survive.”

5. Overheard while walking by a high school classroom, “I’m not winning!”

6. Funny tweet from a former student: I really miss learning about Paul Bunion and Jonny Appleseed in school. Finite and Government are useless.

7. Another funny tweet from student:
I’m going to write a 10pg script in creative writing about Justin Bieber  getting an acceptance letter from Hogwarts. You better beliebe it.

8. Email conversation with my mom:
Mom: That old Hoover has had it, it doesn’t deep clean anymore and with the dog having little accidents, I’ve got to get the carpet clean. I can’t decide between a Bissell and Hoover.

Me: Skip the Hoover and get a new dog.

Mom: Did I throw you out when you had accidents?

9. These University of Arkansas boys have gone viral. I wasn’t too impressed. Until I saw Meg Cabot tweet about them. Then I got jealous.

10. Quote from Mary R. Snyder when I asked her if she was Southern. “Girl, I’m so Southern I bleed sweet tea and ooze southern charm when I sweat.”

11. Facebook status from teenage Jessica: I just saw Never Say Never With Megan. Dude, best documentary in the world!!! So many scenes without his shirt!!!!!!

12. Klepto Kitty.

13. This new Scion comes with 10 airbags. Can’t imagine why.

14. Contest comment from one of my honest and diversified readers: I’m reading Wordsworth, Byron, Keats, and a wee bit of Marie Claire

15. Sometimes your stuff is hard to organize and just doesn’t fit into an obvious category. Where do you put it? ModCloth has the answer.

16. I’ve been blowing my nose a lot lately. But it hasn’t been this fun.

What about you? What’s made you smile this week?