Engaged… Again

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First of all, you can get a free download of In Between in e-book version HERE at cbd.com. I love the good folk of Christian Book.com and am glad to see In Between for zero pesos.

Sigh.
It was just a matter of time.
As many of you know, I had put in a great deal of time into stalking my (then) future (not really) husband Chris Tomlin. Then Tomlin got married to someone else. Without asking me. And yeah, I was hurt. And I might’ve drowned my sorrows in chocolate bars and cheap queso. (Which begs the question, how is this different from any other day?)

And then I got stressed because I no longer had a Musical Pretend Crush. Who was I going to creep on now? And who has the time to find someone new? Not me. So much effort.

So Dave Barnes came to my part of Arkansas in concert last week. (No, not my musical crush. He’s real married.)  Actually Brandon Heath came to concert and Kristian Stanfill and Dave opened for him. I don’t really listen to much Christian radio. I have a handful of things I’ll occasionally listen to–Crowder, Tomlin, 10th Avenue, Need to Breathe, a few others. But mostly…nah. It’s just not my thing. But music is. It’s totally my love language. (As is “Cheetohs.”) And thanks to Pandora, I love me some Nice Teeth, Baby-Faced Dave Barnes.

Dude is just good. But he’s mainstream. He doesn’t sing contemp Christian music.

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And if you’ve watched any of Dave’s youtube clips or twitvids, he is so funny. Like the kind of funny that takes over a room and would make the rest of us just fade to the back. Crazy funny. So I totally enjoyed his five measly songs. Great stage presence. Great audience interaction. Great jokes. And then I prepared to sit through the main event, Brandon Heath.

First of all, it was a small venue and didn’t have graduated seats. So this was my view most of the night.

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Couldn’t see much. Which didn’t endear Brandon to me.

I could see this guy, which made me smile.

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He knew the words to most of Brandon Heath’s songs, singing out loud right next to his teen daughter. A lot of men don’t even sing in church at all, so this made me laugh. In a good way.

Then it was Brandon’s turn to sing.

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Y’all…he was good. I didn’t know. I recognized some of his songs, but didn’t know they belonged to him. Didn’t really know anything about him.

He danced on stage some, which is good to see. I don’t just pick anyone for my Musical Fake Crush I’m Not Really Gonna Marry.

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I don’t select just anyone to non-stalk.

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The fact that he had some moves, pretty much sold me. And he didn’t look like a total dork.
My friend Tiffany said if I want to hang with Heath, I gotta get a Harley. I’ll deal with that this weekend I suppose. I hope they come in pink.

Other reasons this chap has qualified for Person I’m Considering Non-Stalking Until He Offers a Proposal I Won’t Really Accept:
1. Good dresser. Good pants. Good shoes.
2. He travels. So he’ll be gone from time to time. A girl needs her space.
3. He has dark hair. I have dark hair. Is it fate? I think we all know the obvious answer here.
4. He sings beautifully. I once sang for mules. (Should I book the chapel now or wait til spring?)
5.He’s friends and old college buddies with Dave Barnes. Coolness by association. For him. And me. And insurance we’ll have a kickin’ wedding reception.
6. He sang a Michael Jackson cover song. At a Christian concert. Yes, please.
7. He sang a Michael Jackson song and didn’t once touch his crotch. Classy.
8. He sang an Ace of Base cover song. And not for a second did I think, “Is he gay?”
9. He speaks well. I’m a communications teacher, and I cannot turn it off. By the end of the night, I’d assigned him an A-.
10. He has a heart for ministry. I taught children’s church for six years and didn’t strangle one single child. Clearly we’re both saints.

In lieu of wedding gifts, please send cash donations to your local library and food banks. Brandon and I don’t need your crock pots and place settings.
We have love.
Fake love.


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27 comments

27 Comments so far

  1. Bethany Ellis March 16th, 2011 7:16 am

    My morning just got about 74.3% better.

    I thank you.

  2. Ruth March 16th, 2011 12:07 pm

    Congratulations. :)

  3. shabbygeek March 16th, 2011 12:25 pm

    I went and saw Barnes in Memphis, and I’ve only heard one song by Brandon Heath – that one Popular Song. Something about eyeball donation? ;) Anyways, yes, I believe you and Brandon would be the perfect fake couple! Go non-stalk him, ASAP!

    “He sang a Michael Jackson song and didn’t once touch his crotch. Classy.” <– you so funny.

  4. Amy March 16th, 2011 12:29 pm

    Jenny, you should go to Backseat Writer and type “Brandon Heath” in my search box. You will find lots more to love about Brandon, including how he invited a homeless woman to share in his family’s Christmas Eve dinner. (Awww!) I think we should start a “Brandon Heath Fake Crush Club” (BHFCC). Maddy the Shih Tzu even has a fake crush on Brandon Heath (I have a picture of her reading his press packet.)

    I am more than pleased to share my fake crush with you because I have no intention of marrying a musician, just fake crushing. But I have to say–Brandon is cute, sweet, NICE AS ALL GET OUT, and hilarious! Actually, I would like SOMEONE to interview him for BSW…let me know if you’d be interested.

  5. Amy March 16th, 2011 12:30 pm

    Oh, and when I saw him live, it was just Brandon and his guitar at a college campus…I loved that. It was so personal, especially since there were like 25 people there. :)

  6. Amy March 16th, 2011 12:33 pm

    I’m sorry to keep leaving comments…but Chris Tomlin got married? And he didn’t invite me to the wedding? I met him once or twice and had a lengthy conversation. I think that entitles me to at least notification of nuptials.

  7. Jenny B. Jones March 16th, 2011 3:17 pm

    Bethany, I’m 100 percent glad!

    Amy, I think Tomlin did indeed wed himself a lady. Brandon asked a homeless woman to dinner? That is awesome. I’m gonna have to read these interviews! BHFCC–we need shirts and bumper stickers!

    Ruth, thank you. Invitation is forthcoming…

    ShabbyGeek–the eyeball donation song. “Gimme your eyes! Gimme your eyes!” Pretty violent. Especially if sang while holding a loaded pistol.

  8. Reagan March 16th, 2011 3:23 pm

    Ah, I love Brandon Heath :)
    My favorite song of his is London.
    I tear up every time I hear it, I’m such a sucker for those “this-is-so-getting-played-at-my-wedding” songs.
    Along with Until You by Dave Barnes!

  9. Jenny B. Jones March 16th, 2011 3:27 pm

    Reagan, I’ve never heard that song. Love it.

  10. Jennie March 16th, 2011 3:50 pm

    I love Brandon Heath and would totally join an “I have a fake crush on Brandon Heath Fan Club.”
    Sorry about Chris Tomlin though. It must have come as a shock.
    I have not heard of Dave Barnes but I an going to look him up on Youtube when I have a moment! I love finding new music to listen to.

  11. Danica March 16th, 2011 4:32 pm

    Well, it’s about time you got yourself attached to a fake man again. Soooo much better than the real thing. Mine just came into my office, farted, and left. You done good, girlfriend!

  12. Kristin March 16th, 2011 6:10 pm

    I’ve always thought that Brandon Heath seems like a really cool guy, too. =) I saw him in concert a few years ago.

    By the way, there’s a pretty good interview with him at Jesusfreakhideout.com right now.

    ~Kristin

  13. Jenny B. Jones March 16th, 2011 6:12 pm

    Danica, that made me laugh out loud. Fake Crushes would never!

    Kristin, I’ll go check that out. Does he mention me…?

    Jennie, membership card is one its way. And you MUST check out Dave Barnes.

  14. Jocelyn March 16th, 2011 6:28 pm

    “Who was I gonna creep on now?”

    Classic.

    <3, joce

  15. Deena @ My Bookshelf March 16th, 2011 7:10 pm

    Okay…I can SO SEE a book based on that post:-) And I know just the gal to write it *hint*hint*

  16. Allie Smith March 16th, 2011 8:04 pm

    well lemme just say that i had just had the epitome of a crappy day,ugh i dont even wanna get into it…but i read ur blog and it put a smile on my face!ur posts always do that. keep up the lol’s,Jenny.u have know idea how ur blogs encourage.
    i’ll keep u and Brandon in my prayers.i too think he has an AMAZING talent!combined with your amazing talent for writing, who knows what yall could accompish for Christ?heehee.now THAT would b a celebrity marriage i’d like to see happen!!! :)

  17. Jodie March 16th, 2011 10:09 pm

    From top to bottom, this made me laugh harder than anything this week (except for my daughter blowing up a balloon with her nose. Sorry. It’s tough to compete with that kind of class, I know…)

    Saw Brandon Heath open for Third Day a couple of years ago. Yes, I’d say he’s perfect for you. In that fake sort of way.

  18. Mikayla March 17th, 2011 8:18 am

    AHhh I love you Jenny!!! Brandon sounds amazing! Check out Connor Maynard on youtube. He is a british singer who sings popular songs the best one is “Just the Way You Are”

    In one of your books, you should have a British guy!! :) anyways, I love all your charectors in your books and I am still on the Library list waiting to read Save The Date! Arghhh I am never gonna get it!!!

  19. Kelly March 17th, 2011 12:58 pm

    LOVED this post!! My entire family has been sick this week, and I just laughed like crazy when I read this. Thank you!!!

  20. HopefulLeigh March 17th, 2011 7:17 pm

    I don’t listen to much Christian music either but Brandon Heath has definitely been my Music Crush for awhile. I’ve never seen him perform however, so I’m sure you’ll “marry” him first:)

  21. Sarah March 17th, 2011 10:39 pm

    You make me laugh! And I LOVE Brandon Heath. He is one of my favorites. Are you interested in sharing? Um, wait…I did not mean that in a Sister Wives way.

  22. Liz Johnson March 18th, 2011 9:26 am

    Umm … Jenny, you know that I love you. I think you’re fantastic, really … but I’m not sure that I can share my fake future husband with you. I’ve been in pretend love with Brandon for more than two years now, and he really is all the wonderful things that your lovely readers have said.

    Your friend and mine, Katie Bond, and I saw Mr. Barnes and Mr. Heath playing at the Bluebird in Nashville. They were AMAZING. While Dave is hilarious, Brandon is so relaxed, so fantastic. And then I stalked him around the room (for real) until I got to meet him and tell him that I made the hero of my second novel look like him (also for real).

    After this confession, I realize that I might have a problem. Does the BHFCC offer counseling?

  23. Jeannie Campbell, LMFT March 19th, 2011 4:50 pm

    I’m free to offer counseling services on a first-come, first-serve basis for members of BHFCC. Shoot me an email and I’ll pencil you gals in. :)

    Jeannie
    The Character Therapist

  24. bookwyrm14 March 26th, 2011 3:39 pm

    Listen, people, I love you all in the Lord, ya know? (Especially you, Ms. Jones, I absolutely ADORE your books.) But Brandon is MY future non-husband, ok? I have all his CDs. I have been faithful to him for years. So back off!! :D

    No really, Brandon is an awesome person, dedicated to the Lord, sweet, cute as all get out, and a hunk with a melty voice. Totally worth dreaming about.

  25. Mississippi Mama March 28th, 2011 10:24 pm

    Hoooo hoo, this post and comments have cracked me up. I don’t have a Fake Crush on Brandon – my husband might have a problem with that, even though he’s learned that it’s best for our marriage just to let the Colin Firth thing slide – but I’m a big fan. My little boy loves his songs and demands to hear either him or Lady Antebellum in the car. So add me the fan club, if not the crush club. :)

  26. Emilee May 3rd, 2011 12:26 am

    O.k. so this blog was hilarious {and comments}! I just {like 10 minutes ago} wrote a blog that had alot of Brandon Heath videos in it. I love him! In fact he is staring at me right now {So, it is a poster, but you get the idea} Is it ok if we have a real and fake crush club? I would totally join! I love how you say you ”fake stalk” I am SO using that!! I was kinda disappointed that Christian Music isn’t your thing though.:(

    I am loving I’m So Sure! :)
    Goodnight {Ms. ?} Jenny!!

  27. Ashlin October 3rd, 2012 2:17 pm

    best post ever. ha!

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