Long Time No Talk
So Harold Camping and his followers state that the world as we know it is ending Saturday. Now, I didn't get to sleep in last weekend, so the timing of this is super inconvenient. I don't believe Harold and the Dooms Dayers for a number of reasons, but the top one being that God is a merciful God. So clearly he'd take us all home on a Monday. Or a Sunday night so Monday doesn't even have to happen.
But we live in a world where the CDC now acknowledges the very real possibility of the Zombie Apocalypse, so anything could happen I guess. So let's just say the world is ending. How would you spend those last few days?
1. Finally watch Friday Night Lights. (Just got DVD set of season one. I know, I know. Where have I been?)
2. Eat. A lot. (And how is this different from any other day? )
3. Forgo working out. (And how is this different from…)
4. Obviously get in people's face about Jesus. (Because that has a history of being a really successful tactic…)
5. Cancel number four and visit loved ones with the message of Christ. Sang to the melody of my favorite Michael Jackson hits. Which would prompt number six…
6. Finally, FINALLY figure out that dang moon walk. (Seriously, do y'all have olive oil on your shoes or something?)
7. Stay out in the sun without sunscreen or worries of: melanoma, wrinkles, or a need to purchase stock in retinol.
8. Make my mother fix strawberry shortcake.
9. Wrap Miller in swaddling blankets, stick him in a basket with kibbles and a note, then place him on a doorstep of some really nice atheists. (Woolite carpet cleaner will be included, as well as the book How to Deal with Your Bulimic Cat With Love and Tranquilizers.)
10. Compose my list of questions for Jesus and safety-pin it to my bra, so I don't lose it when I'm sucked up to Glory. (Because he and I REALLY need to talk about the point of cellulite and property taxes.)
What about you? How would you spend your last few days?
P.S. We've had a LIVELY discussion going on at a blog about the evils/blessings of Christian fiction. If you'd like to weigh in (to offer insight, not lambast, not that you would), check it out here. And don't forget, once you post, it's there forever. Like if you go all drama queen and snippy. Like me. I don't recommend that. I'm not exactly proud of my phrasing. But in my defense, I'd been at home for a few days….with Miller…and corn chips…