One Revelation
Moi, Gina Conroy, Christa Allan at ACFW
So I’m sitting in the lobby-bar of the hotel at the American Christian Fiction Writers Conference where all the cool kids are hanging out. I’m drinking my Dasani, a vintage 2011 with notes of purified city water and the full-bodied flavor of Coca-Cola marketing. To my left is a small stage. And as I’m staring at the tile work of the bar and wondering if I’m the only person who wants to take a picture of this, the most freeing words come out of my mouth: “I hate karaoke.”
I do.
I’d never shared that before.
I want to be one of the cool kids.
But I hate karaoke.
It’s a train wreck of a disaster with rules I don’t get.
Are we doing hand motions? Loud volume? Harmony? Baby Got Back? Barry Manilow? Are we all agreed we will sound awful on purpose?
Just as soon as I bust out some Justin Timberlake falsetto, here comes a karaoke queen pulling out some Mariah Carey “Hero,” in a voice that probably gave her a free ride to Julliard.
Or if you sing for real, next up is a guy who does the worst version of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Bringing the room to it’s feet in a standing ovation.
I am convinced during karaoke, there is this silent communication, like baseball signals, that I just don’t see. So lifting your drink twice while twirling your skirt means bring out the Rascal Flatts? How do you people KNOW this?
And those of us who just sit at tables watching, we feel like dorks. We aren’t sure where to look, what to do. For a very long 3.5 minutes.
Clap? Nod? Woo-hoo? Go back to our hotel room and watch the rerun of King of Queens?
My name is Jenny.
I take pictures of tile work in bathrooms, lights in restaurants, and woodwork in stores.
And I hate karaoke.
So to my friends in low places, if you were the wind beneath my wings or a brown eyed girl in a brick house, please know that you will never get a musical shoutout from me in a blaze of glory providing you a total eclipse of the heart on your tin roof.
Rusted.
Your turn. What’s a cool thing you dislike?
Don’t leave me hanging. Alone with my brave confessions.
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35 Comments so far
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I’m with you, Jen!
Cindy & Jen–Totally with you!
Have to admit, I clicked on your tweet hoping to see a video of you belting a little country ditty.
Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I know it has a HUGE following and that lots of really cool people – like Meg Cabot – love it … I just didn’t understand it at all. And turned it off after a half hour.
Bruno Mars….
I like some of his songs but something about that guy just annoys me, I don’t even know why…
I’m not really even sure where to begin…I’m such a nerd that I pretty much dislike everything that’s considered cool. =)
Like coffee. I don’t like it. I’ve never been in a Starbucks.
I’ve also never sent a text. And I’d like to keep it that way. I dislike cell phones and the idea that we have to be connected to the world every single moment of every day.
I dislike Twilight and the YA paranormal trend, current TV shows (unless we’re talking BBC period dramas), and skinny jeans.
Okay, I’ll stop now. =)
~Kristin
I’m with you, girl. I’ve never karaokied, never will.
For some reason girls acting dumb and shallow when they’re with guys or even other girls makes them “cool.” Sorry, but God gave me a brain, and I’m gonna use it. Deal with it.
eBooks.
I’m the young, hip librarian so I am able to muster up the necessary enthusiasm.
And I’m glad people are reading, and that they’re using the library to get their eBooks.
But I will never convert.
Never.
One thing I hate is how people say OMG. I don’t know why poeple say OMG ALLLLLL of the time but they do. All I see on Facebook or anything is OMG. Even some of my friends say it. I am not saying that I hate anyone that says OMG cause there are some AWESOME people that say it. I just don’t like the word. I mean people abuse it.
Guy jewelry…I mean what is UP with that? There’s this guy I know that always wears a necklace….And I keep dreaming he’s wearing girls’ clothes….Its very, VERY odd!
Oh Kristin! Do you know Merlin? It’s a BBC period drama about the medieval age/Camelot. (I know I’ve mentioned it like twenty times but I NEED to find another Merlin fan so I can gush!
Laura, how could I forget ebooks? I will never buy an e-reader, either.
Bookwyrm14, I’m sorry, I haven’t seen Merlin yet! =) I mostly watch BBC Austen and Dickens adaptations. And my latest BBC obsession is the TV show Lark Rise to Candleford. But I’ll have to look into that one!
~Kristin
1. V-necks on guys that are wayyyy too low.
2. bananas
3. I can’t do Justin Bieber
4. voice mail messages left on my phone.
I’m not a fan of karaoke either — it’s either incredibly bad or some chick telling her ‘story’ of pain and singing some Mariah Carey (or if you’re at a church retreat, Amy Grant) sad song.
I don’t like to watch football on TV! I know, it’s a HUGE step to admit it. I’m Southern and I really do not care who WINS the game — any game. It’s a game people! It’s a game played by a bunch of college kids. Sure there’s the occasional amazing play – but it will be on You Tube and the evening news(not that I watch that either).
Scotty McCreery.
I’m just not into country. And American Idol just needs to die. Or did they finally end it? Idk. Hopefully.
Watching football on TV.
I can understand going to a football game or playing football, but I don’t understand how people can just stare at their TV’s.
Thanks for the support. I feel better already.
This is so bad.I’m actually concidering talking about things that annoy me that I usually go along with bcuz I’m a people pleaser.Omigoodness…
lol
*Popular guys think they can walk all over girls,and we’ll forgive them for it.
*Lady Gaga.Sorry,I thought I could deal.But nope…
*Twilight.And have you noticed that every new tv show has something to do with vampires?!
*Girls that get mad because Justin Bieber is dating someone else.GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*ebooks.I WONT CONVERT EITHER!!!IT RUINS THE POINT OF A BOOK!!!
wow,it felt good to vent…thanks,Jenny
Okay, you asked for it…
Skinny Jeans on guys….why? Why are they wearing their sister’s pants??
Long hair on guys…Tim Riggins is a perfect example, Tom Brady..yuck!
Coffee….unless you can’t tell it was coffee, lots of sugar, chocolate, whip cream, caramel sauce…
That’s all for now!
At the risk of hurting someone’s feelings out there (my apologies ahead of time)men with long hair, highlights, &/or men in skinny jeans. Call me old fashioned, call me stuck in the fashion past, call me traditional heartland America girl, but I really like it when men look like …well, um … men. Yes, that would be ‘men’ by my narrow minded definition. I do not want any man in my life to be at the risk of earning the title “high maintenance” nor should he be taking longer than me in front of the mirror. Again, sorry if you (men) or the men you love look fabulous with your glinting locks and too tight pants. It probably just means you are way cooler than me.
Jess – I just went back and read all the other responses after I posted. I am glad I am not alone! I also do not drink coffee, so I should have included that. If I had read before posting I could have just said “ditto to Jess” & saved me some time.
And JBJ, I forgot to say that I thought your paragraph with all the song titles was too much & quite a crack up! You are a funny, funny girl.
Hmm… let’s see…
The Jobros… although I think Justin Bieber took all of their fans, but he’s not much better…
I never got into the whole Twilight thing, and won’t go see a movie with Robert Pattison in it… I’ve been tempted to, but I’ve never fully gone over to the dark side.
Horror films. Life is scary enough…
Jersey Shore and shows like it. I’m shocked at how many of my peers, some who share a church home with me, watch these things. I can’t find one redeeming thing from them.
Karaoke is bad. I don’t like to feel awkward – for myself or for other people. Karaoke brings out both reactions in me. My secret confession is that I hate getting pedicures. There’s so much girly bonding that can happen over a pedicure. My friends love them. But I’m not into them at all. When I think of relaxing endeavors, or “me time” – a spa is not what comes to mind. I would rather just eat.
Cute pic!
I hate men that wear jewelry other than their wedding or class ring. It’s just so . . . mafia boss/sleazy.
I hate tennis. A ball goes back and forth across a net for twelve thousand hours. Please shoot me now.
And, I hate green peppers. Don’t know why. I just do. Always have.
News. Seriously hate it now. It’s not real news. I miss the news that told you what’s happening in the world. Not what’s happening to Paris Hilton, Octomom, or Angelina Jolie. And I hate that the anchors think they have to give their opinions about everything.
Guys who think they’re cowboys, and yet have no concept of loyalty, or how to be a gentleman. To quote Five Mile Creek, which I’m sure no one here has heard of, “Real cowboys always play fair.”
(You’d have to go to my church to understand…”cowboys” [cough *players*] are the newest trend)
Oh, let’s NOT talk about karaoke, okay let’s. I’m a closet karaoker…really, I want to be good, or really bad, but I fear I fall somewhere in between. And that’s not good. But I’m still the kind of foolish person that likes to put herself in uncomfortable situations soooo when my kids’ school had a karaoke contest for the mom that could embarrass their kid the most, guess who entered? Of course, I waited until the last minute when most people had left and they were breaking down the stage, but I sang…High School Musical…no less, and to be sure that I won (and because I was shaking like a mad woman with fear,) I went a bit over the top on the drama. And guess? I won… a huge barrel of cherry chocolate things that tasted like cough syrup! Sheesh, they told me I’d win a great prize. If I had known just what it was, I might not have embarrassed my kids or myself! BTW, great photo!
I don’t drink coffee either!
Gina, I think it’s awesome you like karaoke. But make sure it’s worth the prize. Coffee chocolate. Nooo!
Facebook.
I simply won’t do it. I waste enough time keeping up on people’s blogs, checking email, etc. Even if it makes me the last one to hear the news, I’ll stick to email, phone calls, REAL handwritten letters on stationary, or better yet, coffee chats face to face.
So Jenny, if you don’t do coffee, are you a tea person? Lady Gray maybe?
eBooks; can’t stand them either. Every time I see one I cringe. Half the fun of reading is holding a book in your hands!
I thought anything I disliked was automatically deemed uncool? Wait, that’s not the way it works?
I don’t like the big funky hipster glasses. They make people look like doofuses. Wait, do people still use that word?
Cool Things That I Can’t Stand:
-Coffee. I’m trying to like it. I really am. But so far, no luck.
-Karaoke. Yeah. Um, no.
-The “in” crowd. Especially at church.
-Horror Movies.
-Twilight. I’m just not into the whole vampire thing. Your book is the exception, Jenny!
-Ebooks. Exactly, Erin!
-Justin Bieber. He seriously needs to learn more words.
-NASCAR. Don’t know if it’s considered “cool” by anyone besides my brother, but what’s the point? All they do is go ’round, and ’round, and ’round, and ’round…
<3, Abbigail
Twilight. Oh and Vampire movies and Horror Movies. Deffinetly not a fan. I just think they are overated and stupid. But thats just me… who really wants to read about a vegitarian, ghostly looking vampire….
Lets see, where should I begin…
1. Justin Bieber-YOU CAN’T SING!!! The first time i heard a Justin Bieber song i seriouly asked people if he was a boy or a girl.
2. Robert Pattinson-I don’t think he’s cute. like at all. He just looks out of it all the time.
3. Texting-I’m a high school freshman, You’d think i’d be texting constantly but yeah, um, no. I homeschool so i have exactly 0 friends and i want it that way
4. Facebook, Twitter etc. etc.- Once again 0 friends
5. Guys who look like girls- if I barely wear jewlery neither should guys
6. (just about all of you will disagree with me here) Soft Drinks- not a fan of things that bubbly
7. Most other teenagers and teenage things (with the exception of you lovely teens on this blog)- I just don’t get how cursing and looking down on everyone else makes you cool
8. Shakespeare- YOU MAKE NO SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!! (okay this is possibly related to the fact that i am trying desperatly [and failing miserably] to read Romeo And Juliet, or what i have called them recently, dumb and dumber)
And finally, Karaoke! Never have and never will. In my mind i’m a good singer. I’d like to not ruin that by singing in public.