Wait…I Smell A Rat

I was watching Castle a few weeks ago.
Beckett was being held hostage and stuff. (Just a normal day at the office for us 21st Century career girls.)
So the dangerous mobster puts Castle on the phone. And Beckett talks to him, tells him she can’t wait to go see his favorite baseball team play.
And then he knows. He knows she’s in trouble because she hates his team.

It got me to thinking. What would I say that would tip off someone on the other end of the phone that things are not okay? That I’m minutes away from being stuffed in a trunk and becoming fish bait?
What is something that is SO not you, that your phone-a-friend who just KNOW they need to call Detective Esposito to rescue you?
Mine would go a little something like, “Hey, oh, yeah, things are GREAT. What’s that? No, I totally can’t wait for that Coldplay concert with Jack Johnson as the opening act. A killer with me? Nooooo. Why do you ask?”

What would your tip off be?

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Casting Call

Question of the day: If you were casting a romantic comedy, who’s your leading hot boy? And when I say boy, I mean of the older variety, age 30-40. You know, ancient.

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A little grass roots advertising


Colleen Coble, Kristin Billerbeck, Christa Allan

This weekend I went to Nashville, TN, to a writer’s retreat. I had been working on college junk and running on low sleep prior to leaving. Combine that with getting up at 4:00 am to leave Thursday morning, then driving 12 hours to get to Tennessee, and I was exhausted. I pretty much looked hungover the entire time I was there. I was with a group of Christian writers, and I looked like the token drunk. Stripes do not distract from eye bags. I think Christian Siriano said that.

I had a great time hanging out with writer buddies. I also got to hang out with super writer and one of my closest friends, Natalie Lloyd.

Things you need to know about Natalie:
a. She is disgustingly photogenic.

b. Our twangs must cancel one other out. She says she has a heavy accent, but girls from Arkansas do not notice these things.

c. Her awakeness made me look even more in need of AA.

d. She is seriously funny.

e. She is seriously fun.

f. She has good stories.

g. I can’t wait for you to read her fiction. It’s as enviable as her picture-taking abilities.

You can’t even see my eyeballs in that picture.
We’re totally impressing that guy behind us.

Natalie recently asked me about my mascara, and I got all excited to tell her about it. Because it’s my One Thing. You know, the one product I swear by, buy in bulk, and love to tell others about. I have tried expensive stuff (at least two whole times), but my favorite, favorite mascara is just plain old L’oreal Voluminous in black. You can purchase it wherever fine items are sold. Items such as Noxema, heating pads, and Depends. Right now you can even get it in a two pack at Wal-Mart or Target for ten bucks. Combine that with a coupon from the Sunday paper, and you’re basically stealing luxury. I also like this mascara because it supports my personal mission statement of “Who Needs Falsies?”

What’s your One Thing? Your must-have item that you swear by?

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What He Said

Remember when I said my college prof remarked that my tone in response to the reading material was “dry?” By the time this class is over, I will have read thousands of pages of articles and written 53 papers. FIFTY-THREE. I thought I’d share a little of the reading I’m required to write about. Can’t imagine why my response would be, ahem, dry…

As an example, a unitary or integrationist view of culture focuses on an orientation to organization-wide consensus, consistency in cultural artifacts, and little if any cultural ambiguity. The differentiated view of organizational culture seeks subcultural consensus, maybe exhibit some consistency in cultural artifacts, and tends to channel ambiguity outside of the main subculture. The view of organizational culture as fragmented reflects the challenges of achieving cultural consensus and exhibits a high level of acknowledgement and acceptance of cultural ambiguity.

If I get out of this class without becoming a violent drug-addict, I will consider it a holy miracle.

Source: Library Trends, Vol. 53: 1, 2004


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I’m Not That Type of Girl

As mentioned I’m on longer in the classroom, but instead working as a junior high librarian.
Lots of perks.
Lots of adjustments.

I have a white board over my circulation desk that welcomes the kids to the library and says what I’m reading or have finished reading.
Last week it said:
Ms. Jones is reading Wonder.
Ms. Jones just read Between Shades of Gray.

And I noticed I got some funny looks.
Finally. On Friday two different teachers approached me to basically say, “So, uh, you’re telling everyone you’ve read 50 Shades of Gray?”
Wait. No.
They were not alone in their belief. Pretty much everyone thought I was making pervy book recommendations.
Between Shades of Gray is about Russian during and after WWII.
50 Shades of Gray is about things that would embarrass a Playboy Playmate.

I’m now reading Wallflower in Bloom by the author of Must Love Dogs.
What are you reading?



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