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Stereotypically Yours

I’m spending two days at a conference for librarians. It’s interesting people watching. Any conference is.
There is a vendor fair here, and a company is selling tshirts. One of the shirts was for the librarian with a house full of cats. I did not see one shirt for the librarian who loves puppies or guinea pigs.
Is there anything more exhausting than sitting? Even when I’m interested in the material, my tush is totally bored.
Today I learned about every app and website known to man. I need an app to process all the information I took in.

What are your pet peeves at conferences or classes?
Here are my suggestions:
1. If turning down the air conditioning to -42 is the hotels way of combating global warming, I think the polar bears will forgive us if we raise the thermostat just a skootch.
2. If you’re the presenter and you speak in a monotone, you will not survive without bringing your class chocolate. The good kind. A good speaker could get away with cheap candy. You cannot. If you doubt me, check out the presenter feedback survey I turned in. Mine was the one with skulls and crossbones all over it.
3. Don’t schedule a conference in a hotel without Starbucks. I don’t even drink coffee, and I felt slighted.
4. When you say, “To be more environmentally friendly, I didn’t print out handouts,” I hear: “I’m cheap; take your own dang notes.”
5. Your sign-in sheets hurt my feelings. It’s like you don’t trust me to actually go to the class and stay. Maybe I was in the bathroom the whole 2 hours I was unaccounted for.
6. I don’t need to know where emergency exits are. I need to know where vending machines are.
7. Conference food. One time I dropped a burrito on the floor of a movie theater and ate it. The fact that I wouldn’t touch today’s lunch says something.

Care to add anything? What drives you nuts in a class or conference or even church?

 

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Would You Rather?

While finishing up standardized testing prep last week, I found myself overseeing a classroom of 7 eighth-grade boys. We had had 20 minutes left with nothing to do, so a game of “What If?” broke out.
Each of the boys threw out the typical questions.
“Would you rather eat worms or a live fish?”
“Would you rather have the power to fly or read minds?”
“Would you rather be a billionaire or be immortal?”
“Would you rather have a car or truck?”

One boy had been sitting on the fringes.
“Jake, what about you?” I ask. “Give us a question.”
He doesn’t hesitate. “You’re stuck on a desert island. Would you rather wipe your butt with aluminum foil or sandpaper?”
The ensuing debate rivaled Obama vs. Romney.
; )

 

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Nonfiction Roundup

I’ve been on a nonfiction kick in the last year. I read a lot of health books. I’m currently reading one called The Virgin Diet, which is not about throwing young maidens into a volcano. (Seriously, worst title ever, marketing folks. I keep the cover face down, I don’t tell people about it. All because I don’t want to explain the name. Though it’s a good health/diet book. Virgin is the author’s last name, God bless her.)  I really like the book, which is very similar to Paleo or Primal diets. Very easy read. But I’m a health book junkie. I like to read them while eating Cheetos.

I’ve read a handful of inspy nonfiction lately. I was really surprised at my favorite.

I enjoyed Steven Furtick’s Greater. I didn’t love it like I did his debut book, Sun Stand Still. He has a passion for people living big dreams, and I appreciate that. Furtick touches on things like hearing God’s voice, getting in the word, taking chances, and basically getting out of the boat. He talks about how Satan loves to remind us of what we don’t have to begin the goal/dream–like talent, money, age, resources. Loved the point that in the Bible so many didn’t get what they needed to move their mountains until they actually began the process. They just began on faith. I underlined some “keeper” lines. Do you guys highlight or underline? I’ve found I have to have a physical book if it’s nonfiction. If it’s Kindle, I’ll just end up ordering the physical book as well so I can mark all over it.  The book would make a great grad gift. It has quite a bit of repetition and filler, but still it was worth the read.

Women’s ministry is a weird thing right now, isn’t it? There is a big trend in pretty and fluff, and I dunno. Blogging is really shaping who we’re seeing at the pulpit for the gals. I like the hard hitters from women who’ve been in the trenches.  Christine Caine is one of my newer favorite women’s speakers. She’s a total fire ball. I don’t get the feeling she spent too much time agonizing over the matching of her scarf to her boots. She’s a very enthusiastic speaker and really encouraging and inspiring. She comes from a past of abuse and now dedicates her life to saving girls/women in prostitution and sex trafficking. Her book Undaunted touches on that. The book wasn’t quite what I thought it would be. It’s less an inspy living book and more of a book in three parts–part biography, part teaching, part trafficking education. That’s a lot going on in a book, but she has good things to say. I think mostly I like to hear her. She gets fired up when she speaks, and she’s funny. If you go to iTunes, you can find her in some free podcasts. I’ve heard her podcasts from Elevation Church, as well as National Community Church out of D.C. Definitely worth the search.

I read Soul Detox from Craig Groeschel. I like him a lot. This is an easy read and Groeschel (or someone) has a nice, conversational writing style. Basically he lines up a handful of categories in which we could be screwing up–finances, entertainment choices (I skipped this chapter) (kidding), family time, etc. The book doesn’t really present any new information, but more like it’s someone sitting down and saying, “Hey, take a look at all the ways junk could be getting into your life. Do any of these sound familiar?” I have no junk in my life, so I had to pass it on to others. ; )

Finally, I read a book by an author I typically stay away from. But I cannot say enough good things about I Declare by Joel Osteen. While I admire Osteen’s positivity, his hair makes me covet, and mostly he’s not my pastoral preference. And yet, this book rocks on every level. DEFINITELY a great gift book. It’s based on the idea that negative thoughts and words equals an underperforming life. “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”  So this book is kind of a devotional, with 31 short chapters, and every chapter being a new idea to ponder, with a declaration to say out loud or think on. This is one of those books I got as a download and after reading a few chapters had to order the physical book. I loved this book so much. Please get it. I type out his declarations and put them on my bathroom mirror. I obnoxiously text the declarations to friends. As a side note, you can still catch Osteen discussing the book and his mode of operation on the OWN Network on Sundays here lately. I think he’s on March 31st.

What have you read lately? Doesn’t have to be inspy. I could tell you about the biography I read on Janice Joplin that I was going to put in our jr. high library until I turned a page and met Janice’s boobs…

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Roses Are Red…

Love Banner
I never knew I was so desirable until I got on Facebook. My visage is apparently so alluring, it draws men even from foreign countries. From thousands of miles away, they sense my sexy.  They write me messages and are so love-drunk, they forget how to spell. They are so besotted, their English fails them.

This one, from Fadel, sent an arrow straight to my heart:

Well hi sexy lady Jenny BABY, Well i just wish to send you this mail and i hope you don’t mind be-cos i was just also looking for a very serious and hardworking AND HONESTLY AND WELL SINCERELY AND STRAIGHT PERSON TO BE WITH AND ARE YOU 4 REAL. And i just love your sexy pic with your friend over their And has you had already said and this is all about me and i really wish to hear from you soon.

Dear Fadel,
Your mix of CAPS and text lingo has certainly turned my head. How could it not?
Your attached photo does resemble a mug shot, but I know that’s just a little Photoshop humor on your part. I like how you are looking for a hard-working hetero lady. You seem to be a man with your priorities straight. She must like dudes, and she must be a work horse.

I also like how you say, “this is all about me.” Your honesty is totes attractive. I’m cool with the way you just lay it out there, lest I think ours would be a relationship built on generosity and selflessness. Or green cards and Visas.

Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dreamier, I read on and your correspondence tells me you are Oxford educated. As if I hadn’t guessed that already.

Even though I’m blocking you for now, I’m not doing it for safety reasons. Think of it as a test of our love. If we are truly meant to be, you and your desire for my social security number…you will find me again.

Luv2U
Jenny

 

13 comments

Spring Break Randoms

meteorites

Hey, friends and random spammers! I’ve missed you. What have you been up to? It’s Spring Break in my world and that means no work and no college. (And also no makeup. No hair washing. No alarm setting. No cleaning. No homeworking. No professional dressing. No vegetable eating. No bedtiming.)

The sequel to Devil Wears Prada  had a cover reveal. You know it’s a big deal when your cover debut is on Entertainment Weekly. Does the arrival of Revenge Wears Prada and the eventual new Bridgette Jones novel mean (an evolved ) chick lit is returning? I hope so! Maybe if Anna Wintour gave her snobby, dismissive thumbs up…

I have been following the Pope retire/rehire situation with much interest. I love the ancient traditions of it all. Like the black and white smoke. Sometimes when I cook, I have black and white smoke.  In an age where we can have an update to millions via twitter in a single second, the Catholics bring out the smoke signals, and I think that is incredibly cool. But I didn’t understand people being so shocked by a pope quitting. The man is 85. I was ready for a Boca senior timeshare at 24.

I don’t know about you, but I never really got over the loss of the TV show Veronica Mars A Charmed Life series was born out of my love for Veronica Mars, Nancy Drew, my concern over a popular YA series about some rich girls, and the fact that I was raised around 3 boys who worshiped at the altar of Hulk Hogan and Junk Yard Dog. And by worship, I mean I was their crash test dummy. (The good news is, I’ve had 30 years to build a really good lawsuit for head injuries and emotional trauma by way of clotheslines and pile drivers.)

Today it’s sunny and 70 degrees in Arkansas. I’m picking up my mom and heading to a quaint nearby town where my latest series-in-progress is set, where you can get some darn good BBQ, and you see signs like the one above. Have a great weekend and do something fun. Buy some meteorites.

 

 

 

 

 

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