Hours into Monday and I’ve already failed. I didn’t watch the Emmy’s. Did you? I hear Jimmy Fallon was pretty much awesome. I like Jimmy a lot. He’s subtle. He’s low-key. He’s funny. And he does good impressions.

I also like him because his wife isn’t a size zero-zero.

Speaking of SNL alum, I was sad to hear Will Forte is leaving the show. While this isn’t my favorite sketch of his, it is my favorite moment. There is language in this, so skip past it to the good part at 2:39 and stop at 4:14 where Manning prances out. (Anything before or after this will get you serious cussing. And me hate mail, so if you’re a teen be warned! No trespassing!) To set this up, this basketball team is losing by a million points and the team wants to go home at the half. This dork coach has just told them about a time he was in the same situation as a player, his coach played a zippy little cassette tape, and it changed the game. Now he’s going to play that same tape for his own team. Watch the cast behind him try to keep it together. You can watch it HERE.

Thank you to Mary of Giving Up On Perfect for her wonderful review of Just Between You and Me. You can read it HERE.  Interesting that the subtitle of the book scared her away. And interesting that she doesn’t read YA. And yet I like her anyway. ; )

If you’ve followed the blog long, you know that I hate awkward situations. I don’t like things that make me feel squirmy. This next video ranks right up there. And as a speech teacher, I don’t even know where to start with this mayoral candidate. In my next book Save the Date, Alex Sinclair is a retired football star running for Congress. And he’s nothing like this guy.

Impressive, yes?

Quick question: Is this Courtney Love or the the Olsen Twins?

Have you guys seen this marriage proposal? Love his flair for stage dance.

Have you seen the New Dress a Day blog, where the girl takes totally awful dresses and redoes them into awesome? 365 days, 365 dollars. Some are super cool. And some are super questionable. Behold.

Finally, Cat in the Box never fails to crack me up. Love his passion for the job.

My August newsletter went out yesterday. I announced a newsletter-only contest winner, shared a little devotional on Samuel the Man, shared some good YA reads, and gave some hints about Save the Date. Hope you got your copy!

Have a great week. See you Wednesday!

Ruins of Holyrood Abbey, Scotland

Hey, friends.

Recently, a sweet reader, Olivia, wrote to me and told me that her mom has colon cancer. Olivia asked if I would prayer for her mother, Paula. So that’s what I’m gonna do, but I just knew a lot of you would want to help. Olivia is one of my younger faithful blog followers, and I know it has to be scary to have a sick parent. I know I was scared when my mom got cancer, and I was an older 19. So won’t you join me in praying for Olivia and Paula?

God, we come to you, friends united by blogging and books, and lift up Paula. We claim Isaiah 58:8 and ask that you bring healing to her thoroughly and quickly. We pray for comfort, recovery, peace, and for her body to grow strong as it fights. You are the ultimate Healer, and we ask that you just touch her body and remove all traces of cancer. Bless her with unexpected moments of joy, new things to laugh at, and beautiful things to bring a smile to her face.

Lord, we pray for Olivia, and ask that you’d give her comfort for her fears. Bind up any lies that Satan would whisper in her ear to scare her, weaken her. You’ve created her to be a strong, fun girl, and I know you delight in Olivia and her caring heart. Give her wisdom in how to help her mother and family and help her to see you through out it all. Let her come away from this even more courageous and more faithful.  Wrap your arms around this family, and let them feel your every breath, every heartbeat, knowing you adore them and you are with them always.

In Jesus’ name we ask these things and claim them in faith,
Amen

Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
Isaiah 58:8

If you’d like to pray for Paula and Olivia, that would be awesome. You can also leave a word of encouragement for them–I know it would make Olivia’s day.

Have a great weekend. See you Monday.

I have a cat.
His name is Miller.

Miller is socially and mentally challenged. We have this in common.

Miller also meows.

A lot.

We do not have this in common. It makes me want to strangle something. Like, him. Miller has no front claws, but 2 years ago I finally introduced him to outside. At first he hated it and flung himself at the door. “Make it go away!” Then…he got used to it. And then…it became his crack. (That doesn’t read quite right. Anyway…) So now my blissfully silent cat meows ALL THE TIME. When he’s inside, he wants out. When he’s outside, he wants in. It could seriously drive a girl to drink. Or at least get a schnauzer. I thought I would share the joy that is Miller Jones. . . And don’t let his cuteness distract you.

So then I let him outside. And…he does this.

Did you catch the “Meow and Look?” He knows what he’s doing. He meows. Then he checks to see if I’m watching. Exhibit A.

Sometimes he doesn’t even get a meow out before he whips that fuzzy white head around. “You lookin’ at me?”

And now…Miller has a girlfriend. It’s only a matter of time, though, before he meows her away. And this girlfriend happens to be the ugliest thing to enter the feline world.

Are you seeing this? I guess I should be proud I’ve raised a cat who judges by what’s on the inside. Or maybe she’s the only deaf cat on the block.

Girlfriend Cat always comes to our yard. (Tramp) Miller does not visit her. Girlfriend Cat must yield some power because half the time Miller looks scared to death of her.

Or he just plays hard to get.
Or pretends to look the other way.
I’m just gonna inspect this wall. Looking for structural damage that I might need to take care of.

His scared look again.

“Get off my porch.”

Let’s take a closeup of that. Ears back. Eyes wide. Ladies, if you see this in your man, it does not say, “I love you.” It says, “If I had front claws, I’d probably run them over your face.”

And here’s a closeup of Girlfriend.
You get that camera any closer, I WILL bust a cap on you.

So anyway, that’s what’s going on in Miller’s exciting world. He’s a total babe magnet and can’t figure out what to do with her besides stare and assume the crouch position. My family says he gets his social skills from me. And as the cat mom, I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do. Invite Girlfriend Cat in for a nice chat and some warm milk? Ask her who her parents are? Find out what kind of riff-raff she runs around with? I can’t let Miller sit on the porch and hiss at just any kitty. We have standards in our house. Rules. Expectations for decorum. And how do you know when to draw the line? Right now if Girlfriend Cat isn’t in our yard, Miller will hide in a shrub and wait for her. Probably composing poetry in his head. With words like love, summer’s day, and stinky tuna.

I’ll keep you posted on our love connection here. Desperate Housewives ain’t got nothing on us.
I hope the rest of your week goes well. And remember, even ugly cats need love.

That would be a picture of a bathroom I recently visited. What? Don’t tell me you never snap pictures of cute bathrooms. This one was just crying to have its photo taken.

Have you signed up for my newsletter yet? The August edition is almost ready to roll out, so make sure you’re in the elite club known as Subscribers to the Newsletter That Occasionally Finds Its Way To Your Inbox and Says Deep and Meaningful Things. Check the right sidebar to join us.

So this weekend I was lured in with good home cooking and then forced to watch a Nicholas Sparks movie. Yes, I finally saw Last Song. The highlight? Seeing Greg Kinnear and the Tybee Island lighthouse, where I was this summer. The low point? The other two hours of the movie.

In all honesty, it was much better than I thought it would be. Better than Dear, John. And I like Greg Kinnear a lot. Number one, he used to host Soup, which might be the best show ever. And number two, he’s just a surprisingly good actor. He has all these little subtle mannerisms that are so authentic, reminding me of Meryl Streep’s acting style. They’re just real. It takes a lot of skill to be so convincingly unpolished onscreen.

But, ladies, here is what I do NOT get. I do not get purposely making yourself cry. I’ll admit I teared up a little toward the Nicholas Sparks Someone Gonna Die Ending. I even KNEW the ending. But it was still sad. And then I got TICKED that I was all teary. That is not a good feeling. I just don’t get WANTING to put yourself through that. I know a lot of you choose to watch sad movies for the same reasons I choose not to. And. . .you’re weirdos.

Miley Cyrus actually did a decent job in this movie. And if I were a teenager, I’d probably have that Liam Hemsworth’s posters plastered all over my room. (But I’m not. So I just stepped into creepy town.)   There were still some moments in the movie that I was like, “WHAT just happened? I’m so sure!”  These moments were a little lonely as my friends do not believe in Movie Talking. I tend to do a little Mystery Science Theater dialogue through each and every movie I see. It’s charming. It’s beneficial for all.
It makes people want to hit me.

But there are just some moments when it’s IMPOSSIBLE to keep your mouth shut. Like when two teenage characters say, “I love you.” “I love you too!” after knowing each other after like 12 minutes of screen time. Or when a 10 year old kid is capable of creating a beautiful and intricate piece of stained glass after only weeks of tutelage from his father. And how the sun shines through the stained glass at just the right time during a funeral, just as the deceased said it would, signifying that he/she is nearby. (Seriously?!)

You know what would be good? A Sparks-Zombie movie smash-up. Then we can justify all the dead bodies in the movie. And if a significant character dies, you won’t be crying for long because soon you’ll be laughing when he comes back to life and his arms fall off and he runs into walls and makes poor clothing choices and drips a little ooze and smells. And we’re all happy! (Spielberg, call me.)

Today we begin our first full week of school. For those of you who started back, how did it go? Homeschoolers, are you back to it yet? Public/Private schoolers, did you stress over your outfit? Did you get all the classes you wanted? How was lunch?

Let me know how day one of school went! See you Wednesday.

Ugh. I had this whole post done Wednesday and then my computer froze and ate it. And then I cried and cried. Because it was brilliant. And would’ve had the Pulitzer committee knocking on my door. And possibly Orlando Bloom.

Not really. But still. Don’t you hate when that happens? I think the fate of the free world will one day come down to one important moment…and then a computer will freeze.

Besides, Orlando and his lady are preggo. Because who in Hollywood DOESN’T get pregnant BEFORE they get married? It’s a sad statement that I’m just impressed they went all old school and even got married at all. And I can also put Orlando on my “Probably Definitely Not Gay in L.A.” list which exists somewhere in my mind. Right next to the “Perfectly Annoying Places to Hum” list and “Why I Studied Rocks in College.”

The picture above is from 100 years ago when I taught drama. And those are my awesome kids in the second musical I forced on them. The first one was called Pom-Pom Zombies, and why it’s not storming Broadway is still a mystery to me.I thought of those kids this week as I began yet another school year. It’s always interesting (and by that I mean good twisted fun) to see the ninth graders on their first day in our gigantic high school. On this day, most kids bring their parents–they’re required to.  I usually stand in the halls and smile a lot. Unless I see a kid struggling with a locker. Then I break eye contact. Because I always get asked for help with a locker combo, and in all these years, I’ve yet to open one. Why can’t they ask me questions I know? Like where the best vending machines are. Or how much skin burn you get from sliding down the railing on the stairs. And when they ask you about their lockers, their parents are always standing there looking at you like they’re judging your teaching proficiency by your inability to spin numbers on a dial. That look haunts me. And I never remember if it’s right-left-right or left-right-left. I went to a school where we didn’t lock our lockers. If Bubba Parsons wanted to steal my math binder and my contraband 40 oz glass of iced tea, then these were the high costs I paid for living on the MasterLock-less edge.

I remember I posted some fun videos on my blog post that got eaten. I can’t remember any of them but this one.

That is seriously clever and beautiful on a lot of levels (poetry, art, word rhythm), but the high point for me was one single word. Chowdowners.

So (she says, stalling for lack of anything to talk about since her post evaporated) I’ve been working out this week. My friend Snow Loving Holly has finally convinced me to join her  in another town at 5 am three times a week so we can be up in the gym justa workin on our fidness.  From this experience, these are the things I know:

1. My body was not made to be up at 4:30.
2. It is creepy to drive back roads to neighboring town at 4:45.
3. Not much hygiene transpires between 4:30 and 4:45.
4. My bed head is stronger than our trainer’s muscles.
5. We do boxing.
6. There is a woman in the class who throws punches like her last name is de la Hoya.
7. I never want to come upon this woman in a dark alley.
8. All I can think about the last 30 minutes of class are McDonalds Breakfast Burritos.
9. I pass just enough deer in the dark morning to make me and Blackie the Sedan check our seat belt.
10. I hit a deer once and then he disappeared as if Hermione Granger had waved her wand and said pretty Hogwarty words.
11. I have absolutely no brain power at 5 in the morning.
12. Our instructor told me to lift my left hand and I couldn’t figure out which one he could possibly mean.
13. After that I seriously considered lying on the floor and giving up. What is this Advanced Placement Taebo?
14. Every morning when that alarm goes off, I just want to barf. And my whole body hurts. Why am I paying someone for torture? I could get it free by watching our town’s public access channel.

I hope you have a great weekend. My cross-punches and I will be rested up and back on Monday.