PLUTO FOREVER!!!!

Did you know Pluto is no longer a planet? That's right. It got its planetary membership card taken away. I personally feel that this is just a travesty. And I can't even imagine how Pluto feels. To think ALL this time that you're a planet. But you're not. You've been living a lie. You KNOW Pluto is having some identity issues right now.

A friend of mine posed the question, “If Pluto is out, what's next?”

I have a few suggestions.

Skinny Jeans. Girls, whose idea was this? They are a blast from the eighties, and they need to stay there. Like frosty blue eye shadow. If we all agree not to buy them, then they'll go away. Forever. LONG LIVE FLARES!!!! Aw, come on. You can hide a lot of leg in flares. Um, not so much in those skinny jeans.

Vegetables. The loss of Pluto as a planet saddens me. Makes me question everything. Like maybe next week we'll find out that vegetables aren't really a necessary food group. Dogs eat everything. But even they don't touch vegetables. I think there's a lesson to be learned there. And if we get to vote on what takes the place of veggies on the food pyramid, I'm putting all my support behind breakfast cereal. Let's see some Fruity Pebbles on that food pyramid! Who wouldn't enjoy a food group that usually comes with prizes?

The Two Day Weekend. I would be ecstatic if I turned on the news tonight and Tom Brokaw said, “Er, um…so sorry, but there seems to have been a mistake. The weekend was never supposed to have been two days. Seems we miscounted, and you're actually supposed to have Friday off too.” Not only would I not be mad at the person who made the grievous error (He's probably dead anyway. Worked himself to death, you know), but I would buy him birthday presents for life. Let's take back Friday so we can watch General Hospital! Um, no–I mean so we can make a difference!

So I mourn the loss of Pluto. He was a good planet. He never did anyone any harm. Just up there in the sky. Doing planetary things. Like rotating around something, I guess.

How about you? What would you like to see abolished?