Talkin’ Turkey

On this day after Thanksgiving, I'm gonna be oh-so original and share with you what I am thankful for.

1. I am thankful that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes finally got married.

Had they not, I never would've known that in a Scientology ceremony the alien, er, that is groom pledges the following to his soon-to-be wife: clothes, food, and tender happiness and frills. A pan (A PAN??), a comb, perhaps a cat. And what does she pledge in return (besides a her frequent flier miles on the Mother Ship)? Kissing. Yup, seriously. So he gets kisses on demand and what does she get? Some Farberware fry pans and a lazy feline, both of which will require cleaning.

But I'm thankful for TomKat because their wedding has provided hours of entertainment for me.

2. I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is a time in which napping is socially acceptable. In my family, if you are caught sleeping during the day, you are given the look that says, “You are a lazy oaf. You should be doing something useful like cleaning the gutters, organizing your sock drawer, bathing the dog, or alphabetizing your lipstick collection.” But not on Thanksgiving. Did you know turkey contains an amino acid called tryptophan? Tryptophan releases a calming chemical into the body, thus, making us sleepy. So I can nap in peace without becoming the shame of the family.

3. As I'm writing this I am about to embark on Black Friday, the busiest, craziest shopping day of the year. Why is it called Black Friday, you ask? Good question. It's called this because I will be in mourning over the fact that I get up at 3:30 in the morning to particpate. THREE THIRTY!!! And I will be in mourning all day long over how many times my personal space is invaded. Over how many times the family member I ride with circles the parking lot over and over to get “the one” parking spot. In mourning over the fact that Wal-Mart sold out of whatever it is I needed to buy to somebody who had been camped out since one a.m. Black Friday is NUTS. And yet I make myself go every year anyway because it's not about good deals for me. It's about hanging out with my family and continuing a tradition. I've gone every year but one since I was born. And that was a LONG time ago. (In the Stone Ages when people didn't camp overnight for a stinking laptop and a Tickle Me Elmo.) And I figure, if my eighty-five year old grandmother can still hack it, then so can I.

4. I'm thankful for God, the author of my life and all blessings. When I have to get up at three thirty in the morning to shop today, He says, “Child, you are nuts, but I love you anyway.” When I skip a meaningful daily task to read up on TomKat or Britney and K-Fed, he says, “You are totally wasting the time I give you, but you are still mine.” When I mess up and open my mouth and shove my foot in, He says, “Not cool. But there's a book I'd like you to read.” And I give him glory because by the time this hits the ‘Net, I will have finished my second book in the Katie Parker series, and I honestly didn't think I would survive it and see the final page. But I did. And it's only because of Him. This has been a whirlwind, awesomely, fantabulous year for me. And I give God the glory. Because he looks at all my doubts and fears and says, “See,I told ya so. You and me–we gotta stick together.”

And please pray for me as I endure elbows, grumpiness, mean looks, and yelling on this horrific shopping day. And pray for everyone I encounter. Because the elbows, grumpiness, mean looks, and yelling? Yeah, um, I was talking about me.

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