For Will’s Eyes Only

Dear Prince William,
I am so, so sorry to hear of your recent breakup with Kate Middleton. I applaud you for dating someone who's middle class. Middle class has a lot to offer.
Like me.
I do believe I would be the perfect Mrs. William…um…of Wales? Mrs. William Future King of England? Mrs. William Son of Man with Big Ears?

I know there would be a small age difference.
But I'm willing to overlook it.

We'd be perfect.
I don't cook. You have an entire kitchen staff.
I don't clean. Helllewww, maids and butlers all over the place at your house!
You like to buy people gifts. I like to GET gifts!
You like to stay out of the public eye. Me, too! I have successfully managed to NEVER get my picture in the Enquirer, Star, or Girls Gone Wild.

We have other things in common, as well.
You like children. Perfect! I'm a teacher. I have 150 kids you can HAVE! FREE!
I've noticed your cheeks get pink when helping starving, underpriveledged children in the cold. Mine, too. Er, when I'm out in the cold, that is. Going through the McDonald's drive-thru.

May I be so bold as to assume you like water? Well, guess what, big boy? ME TOO!!!!

And they say you marry those like your family. Well, I, too, have the occassional lack of fashion sense, so your grandmother and I would get along famously!

Give it some thought, Will. I understand you're still reeling from the split. But know that I'm totally willing to quit my job, enjoy the first class ticket to London you'd buy me, and devote my hours to being your rebound girlfriend. And if that doesn't scream, “We have a future!” then I don't know what does.

Off to make some tea and scones…

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 11 comments
Heather - April 18, 2007

STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN you shameless hussy you!!! We’ve already talked…and I am the one he wants…not you. Just like with Mr. Tomlin…ever heard that song from Grease…”You’re the one that I want?” That’s what they hear when they think of me, babe, so you better just back off and stick to your book writing…which by the way, you are INCREDIBLE at! Yeah, you stick with being an author and I’ll get all the hot guys…but thanks for being so willing to help in their time of need…I got it covered though! By the way, did you get up this morning!!!???? 🙂

Prince William - April 19, 2007

Heather, I am afraid you are gravely mistaken. My rebound-girlfriend-searching heart beats the name of “Jen Jones.” You must accept it and move on. She would look totally hot in a gigantic tiara. She is the only one I can picture beside me as the commoners wave to us and throw rose petals. You must accept this and move on. Time will heal your wounds. I do have a distant twelfth cousin named Buford III that I could introduce you to…

Heather - April 19, 2007

Well, Jen, at least I know you’re moving on from Chris and I can have him…and Matthew too. I’m sure there are others, so if you’re ready to settle for royalty and give away all the “common” movie star and musical talents to me, so be it..I’m a big girl…I can take it! Thanks for opening these doors for me! And Will, you’re in for the ride of your life with this one…just buy an ultra loud alarm clock and stock in Sherwin Williams…girl can paint like a pro!

Name: SkinCareGirl - April 20, 2007

You don’t know me but I’m the new girly friend of Prince William. lol
I just found this blog and it’s my kind of blog, full of fun and laughs too.:)

Best to you Jenny.
I look forward to reading your book.

Jenny B. Jones - April 21, 2007

Welcome to the blog, Skincaregirl! Seizing my imaginary boyfriend on your first visit–well done. You will fit right in here!

Anonymous - May 10, 2007

Well, You are just going to have to fight Leslie and I for Prince William on our trip to London. You know we can knock you down and make a run for the palace. I can’t wait to run into him and be able to share our love story with him. Only 11 weeks to go!!! T Squared

Anonymous - July 11, 2007

Does His Royal Highness truly reply here? I’d trade everything I know, love, and hold dear just for him to know that I exist….

Miri Mewsa - July 12, 2007

Please, Your Higness…
Consider me when looking for a bride…
Pardon my forwardness.

Jenny B. Jones - July 12, 2007

I think we’ll all have to get in line behind Kate Middleton. Again. Take heart! There’s always Harry!

Miri Mewsa - July 12, 2007

Kate Middleton?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!
Arrrrrgh!!! Don’t tell me they’re back together…….. *sob, sob*

Jenny B. Jones - July 12, 2007

I’m afraid People magazine says he “fought to get her back.” So not only are they back together, but he “fought” for her! AUGH! And she sat behind him at the concert for Princess Diana. Oh, well. At least she doesn’t look like Camilla.


Leave a Reply: