When Your Boyfriend Has Fangs

Jordin Sparks won American Idol. I will be fine. I will get over it. She was my pick initially. But then I crossed over to the Melinda camp. Mel’s just so humble and such the power house. She will be fine though, I’m sure.

Jordin is only seventeen. They only say that every thirty seconds on Idol. I think it was their secret signal to Ryan Seacrest—a reminder that he couldn’t hit on her. “Wow—and you’re only seventeen.” (Hands off Seacrest.)

What was up with Kelly Clarkson’s outfit? WHO dresses her? Did you see her on the CMA’s? Same thing. Cover that girl up. If you don’t have biceps and abs, you can’t wear those barely there shirts. You just can’t. And if you have even a small amount of flabalanche, you can’t wear super low riders. I may be dumb enough to paint my bedroom John Deere green, but I know the
basics of clothing. And rule number one: If it jiggles—cover it up.


I finished the book New Moon this week. Pretty good. Longer than it needed to be. But it’s a good resource for all those girls out there struggling with the day to day complexities of dating a vampire. Come on. You know who you are.

I learned: don’t get him too mad, don’t get too attached to the wildlife around you, you will always eat more cheeseburgers than him (which will make you feel fat), and don’t think you can beat him at Jeopardy—at least in the history category. If he’s lived a few centuries, he’s gonna be all smart and stuff. “Queen Victoria? Yeah, I knew her…”

Some things were not addressed in the book though, and I thought that was very irresponsible of the author. So this is my public service announcement to all the girls out there dating those vampy boys. Taunting him with garlic will not amuse him. Throwing holy water on him is not a good way to win a fight. He will never be tan, and no amount of Banana Boat is going to change that. Love him for himself—his fangs, his questions like “So, are bell bottoms in this century or not?,” and the fact that he’s the living dead and won’t show up in your prom picture.

Have a good weekend! And if you're totally bored, I just noticed my little interview with Novel Journey is up! Check it out. You can even win a copy of In Between. And no, Mom, you are not eligible. You already have like twelve.




Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 2 comments
Rhonda - May 24, 2007

Nice interview–very professional & funny!

Sookie - May 27, 2007

Love love love those books! I can’t wait for Eclipse (the third one) to come out. Though I thought New Moon was very sad.
Oh, and if I ever have a vampire boyfriend….I’ll totally take your advice!


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