I Will Not Eat Spam This Week

Had a great weekend watching back to back Tyler Perry movies of Diary of a Mad Black Woman and Madea’s Family Reunion. If you have not checked out the phenomenally talented writing, acting, and directing talents of Mr. Perry, you gotta get on it. The man is a genius.

Tyler Perry’s new movie I , Why Did I Get Married? comes out next month, and I’m totally psyched about it.

It boasts a stellar cast, including Jill Scott (so you know there will be some gospel singing) and even Janet Jackson (who has yet to prove herself in a role better than Penny on Good Times). It also includes somebody named Denise Boutte, pronounced boo-tay. I am so jealous of her last name. I once had a student named Steele. What if they got married and he took her last name? Then he’d be Steele Bootay (boutte). Or what if her first name was Fanny? Or Colin Boutte? (Say that out loud for maximum effect.)

This week our church unites together in a corporate fast. There are many levels of participation you could select as you felt led, but it will be a challenging, amazing week. Thought it’s gonna be hard. My food and I do not like to be separated. I plan my life around meals. When I’m on vacation, I’m timing activities according to breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I select flights that allow time to eat at the airport and not skip meals. So I will be a little grumpy this week. (Yes, more than usual, sweet little students.)

I know the Bible says not to go boasting about fasting and such, but since this isn’t boasting, I’m gonna talk about it anyway.

Today on my way home from church, knowing the fast started tonight, I thought, “I’ll go home, make a good, healthy lunch: baked chicken, veggies, etc.” Well, in the last few months Satan, ruler of the underworld and cellulite, strategically placed a McDonald’s in my path in my town. So I’m minutes from home and I come to a stop at the light. On my left is the unholy McDonald’s.

It calls to me, “Jennifer, come in here. We have food that will clog your arteries and shorten your lifespan by at least a year.”

I whip my car in, overcome with the powerful urge for a number four. And scared because I know menu items by number now. I pull away, clutching my bag of a quarter pounder, fries, and a triple thick chocolate shake. Any hopes I had of also reaping a reward of losing a few pounds this week went down the drain, as this ONE meal is the caloric equivalent of any calories I’ll be missing out on the ENTIRE week.

When I got home, I opened my container and in the quarter pounder box was a Big Mac—two burgers in one. I hadn’t even started my week of fasting, and the blessings were already raining down!

At church we had commitment cards in which we stated what we’d be giving up or how we’d approach fasting this week. Last night, a group of us single girls got to talking about some things we’d considered putting on our cards. Here’s a partial list of things we thought we might promise to sacrificially avoid:

a. green beans and public television
b. tube socks
c. the color orange
d. dating
e. watching wrestling on Pay-Per-View
f. eating liver
g. reading the Wall Street Journal
h. showing up for work on time
i. envelope licking

I don’t think our pastor would share in our humor though.
So before someone emails me to totally flame my irreverence, I’m totally kidding about all of the above. Though I really am going to avoid tube socks and PBS this week, I will also be taking it seriously. Lord help us all. When I go without food, no one is safe. I’m my own WMD.

And triple chocolate shake—I miss you already.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 3 comments
Heather - September 10, 2007

You forgot that we also discussed fasting from hard liquor and that “other” thing that I will not write on here! I also think Kim should give up “spewing” for the week! Hang in there…it’s going to be so worth it!!

salle - September 10, 2007

Ummm so what about tomorrow night 🙂

Jenny B. Jones - September 12, 2007

Yes, we shall also fast from hard liquor, portabello mushrooms, and polka.


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