I Will Not Eat Spam This Week
Had a great weekend watching back to back Tyler Perry movies of Diary of a Mad Black Woman and Madeaâ€™s Family Reunion. If you have not checked out the phenomenally talented writing, acting, and directing talents of Mr. Perry, you gotta get on it. The man is a genius.
Tyler Perryâ€™s new movie I , Why Did I Get Married? comes out next month, and Iâ€™m totally psyched about it.
It boasts a stellar cast, including Jill Scott (so you know there will be some gospel singing) and even Janet Jackson (who has yet to prove herself in a role better than Penny on Good Times). It also includes somebody named Denise Boutte, pronounced boo-tay. I am so jealous of her last name. I once had a student named Steele. What if they got married and he took her last name? Then heâ€™d be Steele Bootay (boutte). Or what if her first name was Fanny? Or Colin Boutte? (Say that out loud for maximum effect.)
This week our church unites together in a corporate fast. There are many levels of participation you could select as you felt led, but it will be a challenging, amazing week. Thought itâ€™s gonna be hard. My food and I do not like to be separated. I plan my life around meals. When Iâ€™m on vacation, Iâ€™m timing activities according to breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I select flights that allow time to eat at the airport and not skip meals. So I will be a little grumpy this week. (Yes, more than usual, sweet little students.)
I know the Bible says not to go boasting about fasting and such, but since this isnâ€™t boasting, Iâ€™m gonna talk about it anyway.
Today on my way home from church, knowing the fast started tonight, I thought, â€œIâ€™ll go home, make a good, healthy lunch: baked chicken, veggies, etc.â€ Well, in the last few months Satan, ruler of the underworld and cellulite, strategically placed a McDonaldâ€™s in my path in my town. So Iâ€™m minutes from home and I come to a stop at the light. On my left is the unholy McDonaldâ€™s.
It calls to me, “Jennifer, come in here. We have food that will clog your arteries and shorten your lifespan by at least a year.”
I whip my car in, overcome with the powerful urge for a number four. And scared because I know menu items by number now. I pull away, clutching my bag of a quarter pounder, fries, and a triple thick chocolate shake. Any hopes I had of also reaping a reward of losing a few pounds this week went down the drain, as this ONE meal is the caloric equivalent of any calories Iâ€™ll be missing out on the ENTIRE week.
When I got home, I opened my container and in the quarter pounder box was a Big Macâ€”two burgers in one. I hadnâ€™t even started my week of fasting, and the blessings were already raining down!
At church we had commitment cards in which we stated what weâ€™d be giving up or how weâ€™d approach fasting this week. Last night, a group of us single girls got to talking about some things weâ€™d considered putting on our cards. Hereâ€™s a partial list of things we thought we might promise to sacrificially avoid:
a. green beans and public television
b. tube socks
c. the color orange
e. watching wrestling on Pay-Per-View
f. eating liver
g. reading the Wall Street Journal
h. showing up for work on time
i. envelope licking
I donâ€™t think our pastor would share in our humor though.
So before someone emails me to totally flame my irreverence, Iâ€™m totally kidding about all of the above. Though I really am going to avoid tube socks and PBS this week, I will also be taking it seriously. Lord help us all. When I go without food, no one is safe. Iâ€™m my own WMD.
And triple chocolate shakeâ€”I miss you already.
You forgot that we also discussed fasting from hard liquor and that “other” thing that I will not write on here! I also think Kim should give up “spewing” for the week! Hang in there…it’s going to be so worth it!!