A Recipe for Disaster?

I'm in the process of revamping (totally demolishing and rebuilding) my website. And when I say “I,” I mean somebody else-someone who knows what they're doing (which counts me out). During a meeting with the web designer, he jokingly mentioned having a tab on my site for recipes. But you know what? There are a handful of authors who do have recipes on their site.

I don't want to deprive anyone of the bounty of my kitchen genius, so today I'm going to share with you a recipe. In fact, it's what I had for supper tonight.

Jen's Dinner
Prep Time: one minute
Serves: One to Ten

1. Go to Wal-Mart. Drive cart straight to cereal aisle. If they are redoing your Wal-Mart, like they are mine, then go to mop aisle. Strangely enough, cereal will be there. So will Depends, aluminum foil, and Chap Stick.

2. Grab family size box of Honey Comb. Pause at Depends and consider how much time you could save in a day if you didn't have to stop and use a toilet. Say hello to student who sees you eyeing the Depends, and just move on, mumbling, “Grandma…weak bladder…”

3. Grab milk. Forget to check date because you like to live dangerously.

4. Go home. Pour cereal into bowl. Douse with the dairy and serve with a spoon.

5. When bowl is empty, Repeat step 4.

Next week I will be posting instructions for one of my favorite meals entitled, “How to eat Fajitas at the local Mexican joint for $3.87.” If you want real recipes, maybe try BettyCrocker.com?

So today I had pictures taken–pictures for the new future website. Can I just tell you I would rather nail my tongue onto I-540 and let semis roll by than have my picture taken? And it was very last minute, so Friday night I got in a little shopping. (I had NOTHING to wear–and wearing NOTHING just would NOT work for pictures for a website dedicated to writing Christian fiction.) Then this morning I was at Kohls department store at 7:00. For some crazy reason they were open.(Actually they didn't open until 7:05 because I was waiting.)

So I made a mad dash through the store, hurrying because I had to race back home to shower and primp and stress and stuff. I just started grabbing clothes to try on. I had like 40 outfits. Two different store employees started following me. They acted like they were doing inventory, but they were totally tailing me. I don't know why. Just because I had a mountain of clothes in my hand, and I kept having to rip blouses off the mannequins (sorry, headless ladies). And it didn't help that my purse is the size of a carry-on. They probably thought I was going to stuff it with mannequin clothes. And then there was the moment when I set the alarm off by stepping out of bounds with a shirt. (it was right by the door! Don't put shirts by the door, and the alarm won't go off.) So anyway, I felt a great deal of satisfaction when I left, clearly paying for my items, not setting off the alarm again, and the good people of Kohls didn't have to go on lock down. Because two of them were definitely prepared.

So not that I ate it, but tonight I actually did cook. I tried a new minestrone recipe. It's not so great. Why is it when you cook something gross it's usually in quantities that could feed a small state? Next week I will also be posting the recipe entitled “Gross Soup for When You Have a Party for 100 People You Don't Like.”

I think I'll go have another bowl of Honey Comb.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 4 comments
Timothy Fish - September 30, 2007

I once had the bright idea to include recipes on a website. Considering the type of site it was, it really wasn’t such a bad idea in that case. The problem was coming up with the recipes. I cook about like my parents taught me. I throw a bunch of stuff together and hope it comes out okay. Fortunately, it does most of the time. I do not burn the pasta more than once or twice per week. But, recipes are supposed to have specific measurements. There aren’t many that say things like, throw in a handful of rice or whack of a hunk of cheese. Even with your recipe, they would tell you how many packages of Depends to stare at and for how long. I decided that there were better uses of my time than figuring out how to measure things that don’t need to be measured.

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Edge - October 1, 2007

I love your website because I’m always smiling at the end of the post. We share some peculiar sense of sarcasm.

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Jenny B. Jones - October 1, 2007

Hey, thanks, Edge! Glad to brighten a second of your day. Maturity is overrated, eh?

Timothy, I struggle with Rachel Ray because she’s a handful of this and a pinch of that. I need specifics!!!

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Anonymous - October 18, 2007

You crack me up Jen. You put your big girl panties on and survived the photo shoot just fine:) With my help of course adding a few hints of laughter. T2

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