I Think, Therefore, I Am.

Congrats to “Deborah,” who won a copy of On the Loose just by leaving a comment on my blog last week. When Oprah and Steven Spielberg come calling, Deborah, that thing will be your meal ticket when you sell it on eBay.

Just kidding.

Anyway, so as I mentioned days and days ago, I went to Dallas for a conference. I was so good and kept my snarkiness to myself (not that there was anything about the actual conference worth snarkiness), but I made a list to share. Here are some random thoughts (imagine that).

1. What's up with feather pillows? Who decided this was an item of luxury? I don't want old wads of feathers under my head. I don't want to look at my pillow and think, “A bird had to be violated for this?”

2. When I said I masterfully packed my suitcase to the weight of 49.5 pounds, I didn't mention I had to stuff my bra with a notebook, a pair of flip flops, and a blow dryer. The important thing is my Samsonite came in under the limit!

3. What day is it?

4. Meetings would be better if we all had bean bags.

5. Would the speaker be offended if I lay down?

6. Why isn't schlumping socially acceptable posture?

7. (In the airport) I wonder if that man has noticed he has the same headband on as that eight year old girl over there. How precious.

8. They could hang meat in these meetings rooms. What are they trying to do, torture the Floridians? They'd make a killing selling Columbia jackets.

9. Kinda sleepy. Wonder if the woman next to me would mind if I lounged on her shoulder.

10. Sometimes some of the people who board first class surprise me. You're first class? How did you get to be first class? I at least bathed today, and I'm stuck in the back next to the mid-air porta-potty. .

11. What day is it?

Now that I've shared everything that was bottled up in my head during conference week, I must go back to work. I'm starting a new book for a new series. Here's a sneak peek: a glamorous NY teen, Oklahoma, professional wrestling, spandex, dumpster diving. What? It sounds like your life, too?

Have a good week.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 3 comments
Timothy Fish - October 3, 2007

I think that it is usually a goose that gets violated instead of a chicken. I happen to like feather pillows. I figure that it is better that a goose die than a rubber ducky.

Jenny B. Jones - October 4, 2007

Ugh, you’re so right, Tim. Geese feathers! Thanks for catching that. Still…chicken was funnier…

Timothy Fish - October 4, 2007

JBJ: Chicken was funnier

TF: Yeah, sure, for everyone except for us chickens. O, wait…I’m a fish. You can say whatever you like about them chickens.


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