Join Hands and Embrace the Snow Day

holly and fam snow
My friend, Snow Loving Holly and her family on Sled Day. (Used without permission and shamelessly stolen off Facebook)

It's Friday, and much of the South is being beautifully pummeled by a winter storm. Ice, sleet, snow, and sledding. I have today off–Snow Day. This will not be new information to anyone, but I happen to love  The Snow Day. I don't mean love as in “I love that movie.” Or “I love that brand of tea.” Or “I love my fine point pen.” Words–cheap words. Because my love goes way beyond that. It's deep. It's true. And it's lazy.

Snow Days make me absolutely giddy. When I get that “no school” call, my mood lightens immediately. I smile. I get energized. I breathe deeper. Sometimes I even sing a little impromptu song incorporating the themes of sweat pants, marshmallows, or sled burn.

So because I enjoy The Snow Day so much, it hurts my heart when others do not. And when they call school, I am always a target–because I am such a locally known champion of frozen precip. My friend Snow Loving Holly knows my pain. She is the Snow Ambassador in her school as well. It's a lonely, lonely job. We have few followers. Sometimes we have online meetings and we're the only two who show up. Sometimes others say mean things to us. Mean, hurtful, spiteful things. Such as “I don't want to go to school in July!” Or “Don't you care about educating children?” Or “Ask your dad why he has a Barry Manilow tattoo on his navel!”  I don't know how that last one is relevant to weather, but the others are really really hurtful.

It occurs to me, as I watch the snow falling down, that maybe some people don't appreciate the Snow Day because…they don't know how. Much like learning an adult cannot read, this discovery inspires both sympathy and pity in my ice-crystal loving heart. I decided this madness had to stop. So I penned a little book called The Snow Manual. Please allow me to spend a few moments educating you on the ways of truly enjoying the Snow Day.

Tip Number One: The Snow Day Uniform

Dress is really important on your white, fluffy day off.  There are a multiple details, but the main thing is if you look down at your attire and you match, you're doing it wrong.

Staying inside? Sweats are a must. I personally gravitate toward my Old Navy polar fleece collection at this time. I would wear polar fleece in the summer if I thought I could get away with it. And not smell. I like to look as if I'm seconds away from going on a chilly run. But I'm not. Because exercise of that nature is against the rules (see page 167 of my self-pubbed Snow Manual, Section B, Article Number 17).

Going outside? If sledding is on your agenda, then again, your clothing cannot match. In fact your fashion choices should be a blatant crime against both style and the color wheel. This isn't Breckenridge, people. This is a time when you grab from your “winter drawer,” shove stuff on, and in some cases, look like you belong to the opposite gender. Men, at this time, it's okay to wear a giant pink parka. Ladies, men's snow bibs are divine. Until you need to pee. But there are rules for that too. (Please see manual section titled “Taking the Time To Use an Indoor Toilet is For Amateurs.”)

Tip Number Two: You Must Sled (subtitle: No Matter What)

My friend Snow Loving Holly is the queen of sledding.  A few years ago she was house hunting, and one of the reasons she purchased her current home is the great sledding it afforded. And this is why we're friends. I pick my cars by the quality of cup holders. She picks homes for the cleared hills.  In fact, she is currently sledding right now. She invited perfectly sane adults to camp out in her living room last night, so everyone, including her four children and two dogs, could trek to the slopes this morning.

If you  think, “I'm too old to sled,” then you can just zip that negativity up with your ski vest. The cool thing about sledding is that gravity, velocity, and the occasional tree in the way know no age. When you're airborne, you're timeless. You're like the something out of a Bradbury story. That movie Cocoon. Right now people are sledding, and I'm at home working on a book. And frankly, I'm a little disgusted with myself. I feel like an injured soldier watching her platoon go off to war without her. Sledding moments in life are few and fleeting. You must grab them while you can. And if you don't have a few scrapes, bruises, and bone dislocations, then you aren't worth the sled your butt sits upon.

Tip Number Three: Healthy Food Not Allowed

The Snow Day is about the Lord's beauty. What better way to say, “Thank you God for Nature!” than to eat more food than your body can comfortably contain? Here are a few rules taken from the chapter called “Sugar is White and So is Snow.”

1. All food must contain one or more of the following ingredients: partially hydrogenated oils, high-fructose corn syrup, chocolate, bleached flour, Velveeta, maltodextrin, palm kernel oil, Rotel, soy lecithin, ammonium sulfate, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, chili powder, and Crisco.

2. You are eating for warmth, socialization, and gluttony. You are not eating for health, for that Trainer Bob voice in your head, or for energy that will sustain you all day, versus coming in short, sugar-induced bursts.

3. Food is an accessory on this day. It's the icing on top. The healthy stuff may give you nutrients you need, but today we are deriving our strength from the high that can only come from snow, ice, and flinging your body down a hill on a the lid of a trash can.

4. If you don't want a nap one hour after consuming The Snow Day foods, you've eaten the wrong things.Comas and energy spurts go hand in hand.

This is getting wordy, and I have windows to stare out and flakes to count. More excerpts from my soon-to-be published book The Snow Manual (coming soon to a Dollar General and Git n Go near you) on Monday. This is my small way of trying to initiate some healing in this world.

Jen, Snow Ambassador, Region 167

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 12 comments
Sheila - January 29, 2010

Why DOES your dad have a Barry Manilow tattoo on his navel? While my pregnancy keeps me from sledding, I am making up for it in both my attire and food choices. Taco Soup (enough sodium to kill a horse, chili powder, and rotel!), Oatmeal Cream Pies, and chex mix!

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Gina - January 29, 2010

I think I’m braking all the rules except the clothing one because today I decided to do a semi-fast…slimfast to get my eating under control and what better way to test my self control on a cold, snowy day when I’m inside ALL day. Which brings me to rule breaker #2. No sledding! I easily avoided it when my kiddos were babies. Someone had to stay home, but now that my youngest is the daredevil of the group, I still try to avoid it. Don’t like bundling up in the cold and kids have more fun without me!! Just picture a stressed out Michelin mom with camera yelling for her helmeted kiddos to watch out for that tree 100 yards away! Yep, motherhood’s made me a neurotic mess. Now sledding without the kids, I might consider that!

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Jenny B Jones - January 29, 2010

It’s taco soup day here too.
And Gina, sledding WITH a helmet? Must add chapter on the valor in head injuries…

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Colene - January 29, 2010

you need a subsection on what to do on lovely snow days when your sick. cuz im lost. i want to go out and wander around in it but i dont want to get dressed, put on makeup, or really even shower i feel so icky. any tips on how to still enjoy it? btw: snow has grown on me. ice is still my one true enemy.

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Sarah - January 29, 2010

No snow day here. Springfield was surrounded by a bubble all night and it didn’t start snowing until 5 in the morning, so no late opening for me at work-or my really big wish-a day off. It’s been super slow at the library too and it hasn’t stopped snowing all day. It came late, but maybe it’ll stick around and make me happy.

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Amy - January 30, 2010

Brilliant post! (I’m trying to sound more British, is it working?) My mom is a retired kindergarten teacher and she, too, loved the snow day. Of course, she has a HUGE fear of driving in the snow, which has gotten much better since she’s gotten older. Still, she loved the snow day. Who cares the reason?

Everyone secretly loves the Snow Day…well, unless they’re nutters (see, another British term).

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Amy K - January 30, 2010

I’m obviously in the minority here. I hate snow. With a passion. Anything that makes me cold and gets my socks wet is something I will avoid at all costs. I got to stay home yesterday too, but I still had to work since I had a laptop, electricity and an Internet connection. *sigh* The ONLY good thing about a snow day is that I can work in my pajamas.

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Salle - January 30, 2010

Ok..my dream is slowly fading if this is what i have been waiting for with WE ARE THE WORLD! ….i’m not feelin this version! THIS WAS NOT MY VISION!

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Evangeline Denmark - January 30, 2010

On Thursday all the districts around us were on two hour delay but not our district! We live on a hill, in fact, our house sits right at 7,000 feet above sea level. So I bundled the kids up, packed them in the nugget mobile and got them to school. Getting down the hill is the easy part. Getting up the hill, not so much. I had to park the nugget mobile in the street, shovel my ski run driveway, then try again. But I forgot I had the parking break on. I slid back down our street and into the cross street before I figured out the break was on. I have nothing against sledding as long as I’m not doing it in a mini van.

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Joe McClung - January 31, 2010

Great call on the clothes not matching….btw, it’s worth mention that neon colored snow clothes garner you extra street cred in the sledding community.

Oh, and you may want to mention something about wearing layers and lots of them….especially under your jeans. Just saying.

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Jenny B Jones - January 31, 2010

Don’t bring your trash talk into my backyard, Joe McClung! I know where you live. Sorta. (and I totally went home and ordered ski pants. I’m a disgrace.)

Evangeline, wow. Minivan sledding…this gives me ideas. (But glad you made it accident free)

Amy K…I need a moment to pray for you. Because working in my pjs…makes it all worthwhile.

Salle, of course this isn’t THE version. That’s what made it funny. To me. Come on–Ricky Martin!

Amy, nutters. I’m gonna have to use that.

Sarah, I’m so sorry. Still nothing? We got 6-7 inches.

Colene, I know this doctor…
(Get to feeling better. Sorry you can’t even enjoy the snow day!)

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ashley - February 2, 2010

is it okay that i am feeling a little creeped out by the song? no it’s wrong, i am wrong for saying that. but i speak the truth.

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