There’s a Cat So Over My Head

Happy Wednesday! And for some of you–happy one day closer to summer break!

Have you visited Free Book Friday? If not, you totally need to jump over there. Not only do they give away books on Fridays, but this week, it's So Over My Head.  For your chances to win the book, go HERE.

So I just got a notice that the Arkansas Crisis Center is now following me on Twitter. I have to say…I'm not a bit surprised. Especially after last night's fiasco.

In case you're new here, I have a cat. Miller. And Miller is very pretty. And sweet natured. And that's about all he's got going for him. He is mentally challenged, and his world in the past 8 years has been nothing but rainbows and kibbles. But that all changed last night.

So my cat is an indoor cat. He has no front claws. About a year and a half ago, I started letting him go outside because I could tell he was bored and depressed. (He'd just become an only cat when his buddy went to the Great Meow Mix in the sky)  So I started letting him out in small doses. Now it's his crack. He's obsessed with outside. And one of the things Simple Miller loves to do is sit under  a bush right next to the road (soooo smart) and watch the ‘hood. He sits there for HOURS. Just thinking   sitting.

So yesterday I'm in my dining room and I see this white blur go by. Then two gigantic dogs (we're talking mongrels, not a tiny lab here) with trailing leashes come thundering onto my back deck. The white blur goes airborne over the side of the deck. My deck is quite a ways off the ground. If I jumped off of it, I would break at least a tibia. Perhaps a few phalanges.

These dogs are going nuts. They are working in tandem to corral my cat. They are in total predatory mode. They ain't messin' around. So I throw open the back door and storm out, and I see my cat WHO HAS NO FRONT CLAWS scale this practically branch-less tree like Spider Man. And the thing just keeps going and going and going. And I'm like oh, crap. Oh, crap.

So finally a woman peeks around the corner. She's got a couple yip dogs on leashes. We talk. I remind myself to be friendly even though I'm thinking I'm gonna have to call the freakin' fire department. Because this cat was AT LEAST 15 feet up in the tree. With no way down.

Exhibit A.
P1060127
See that white blob at the top? That's my cat. Notice how there are no branches 'til the top. So nobody's climbing that thing to get the cat. No household ladder's gonna reach it. And trust me when I say no amount of spinning around 3x while blowing on a dandelion and making a wish was going to deliver the cat safely to the ground. I know many people would be totally thinking of the cat's well being here. But I thought:
1. This is going to be expensive
2. I need my camera

So the neighbor lady left with some vague “sorry my dogs got away and I wish you luck” kind of blah blah. (I'm SO not inviting her to my next neighborhood meatloaf night.) And I just stood there watching my cat high above me. Watching my cat watching me. Mills has lived a pampered life. If he were a child, he'd be wearing a helmet at all times, and I would be a total enabeling parent. He has never known a day of evil or hardship in his life. His world doesn't work that way. He lives in happyville. So I could tell his mind was totally blown.

And I waited for him to try and come down. Would he be smart enough to realize he had to back down, back feet/claws first? Would any cat? I dunno, but not this one. I waited. And waited.
P1060118
Totally don't know what to do here. Aren't you going to fix this? You fix EVERYTHING!!!

Still thinking sitting.
P1060124

Starting to get ticked….
P1060119
Dude, why am I still HANGING here? Ever had a branch in your fuzzy gut? Not comfy. Not comfy at all.

And possibly my favorite shot. I think his face says it all.
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Possible things running through Miller head:

1. *&#@!

2. Dude, mess with me again, and I will bust a cap on you.

3. I. . .am in a freakin' tree.

4. If I ever get down from here, I'm going back to sleeping 20 hours a day.

5. *&#@!!

Miller just kept looking at me like “DO SOMETHING!” and didn't really seem motivated to move himself. So I decided to go in and hope he would miraculously grow some brain cells or wings and figure this out. I went inside and went straight to my office. Just in time to see him take one step and fall all the way down to the ground, crashing into various bits of foliage as he went.

So I ran outside, expecting him to have raced away to safety. Nope. He was just standing there where he'd crashed. Dazed and confused. There were cartoon birds tweeting around his head.

Miller hates to be picked up. But I did it anyway, and this cat just held on for dear life. Then we went inside, and I sat with him on the couch, trying to figure out if anything was broken. The cat was still as a statue. Except for the fuzzy white head he hid under my armpit. Like, “Make it go away. Make the last 5 minutes just go away.” 

So the end of the story is so far the cat is fine. He was a little sore and slow moving this morning. And he spent the rest of the day and night in a daze, so I'm guessing he might've gotten a little bump on the head. And he's now walking around the house like he's Sydney Bristow on a mission, thinking those dogs are going to pop out of a closet and attack him in his home any moment. He totally did a tuck and roll just this morning.

But enough about my disaster. Unless we have more animal rumbles in the neighborhood, I'll be on YA author Nicole O'Dell's Teen Talk Radio this Thursday at 9 pm, central time.  Nicolehas a great internet radio program just about issues that affect teens.  So tune in and hear us gab about books, confidence, God, my crazy students, and things we'd tell our teen selves if we could go back. (It's some wise, wise stuff…)  Hope you'll join us!

JEN

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 22 comments
Ruth - May 19, 2010

So glad Miller is ok! Those pics are priceless! He would probably be good friends with my cat Pepper – he’s an indoor cat obsessed with being outside, but if anything larger than a sedan drives down the street the freaking world is going to end. And that last pic is priceless.

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Shauna - May 19, 2010

Considering the laugh-out-loud quality of the photos and captions, this should come with a Not Safe for Work warning.

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Debra - May 19, 2010

First of all, I’m seriously glad Miller was ok. Secondly, the contest you directed us to was totally rad (question, when are you too old to use that expression?).

Third, how do you get any real work done?

Between blogging and twitter and appearing on cool radio shows, how do you do it? Because seriously, I’m sitting here going, “She’s got have a secret.” Did you eat all your vegetables as a kid or something? 😉

Deb

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tammy - May 19, 2010

Ha ha ha poor Miller!!! This has probably just even more proven his point that all dogs are evil! lol
Our deaf cat ran up a tree once too…and he was stuck..but unlike your cat ours wouldnt come down..so my dad had to get this mega tall ladder (thank goodness we had one) and climb up there and rescue our sweet baby lol

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Bethany Ellis - May 19, 2010

Ok, I gotta tell ya. This post right here should be printed, framed, and hung up on your wall. It should forever be marked in your Zippity Blog Hall of Fame.

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Jenny B Jones - May 19, 2010

I’ll tell Miller everyone passed on their support. ; ) He needs it today.

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Darria - May 19, 2010

hahahahahaha I LOVE miller!!!!! How in the WORLD did he get in that position?

my dad had to go rescue a cat from the “MEAN DOG GANG” (yeah they had t-shirts and everything) at like two in the morning…guess that’s when gangs “Move” 😉

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vanessa - May 19, 2010

Ohhhh! Poor Miller! Tell him I’m praying for him! 🙂 I laughed SO HARD when he fell out!

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vanessa - May 19, 2010

😉

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vanessa - May 19, 2010

no, I’m not being mean, but I do like these smilies! :-&

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Hannah - May 19, 2010

awww! those pictures are really cute 🙂 Miller if a brave cat though, our cat is an indoor cat but can barely jump onto a shelf XD

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dominique - May 19, 2010

Omg, that was soooo funny… poor Miller! 🙂 the last picture had me laughing big time! you are so funny, and now officially my fave author!!!

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Erin McFarland - May 19, 2010

oh I needed a good laugh today! that hit the spot. loved the visuals! how does a cat even balance on a branch in that position!?? that’s one talented feline!

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Colene - May 19, 2010

poor baby! but too funny. dang dogs. we just let one of ours out today (with supervision b/c hes a doofus and wont do outside by himself without us) and the neighbors big dog and little weenie dog ran up to the fence like they just found a tasty fat snack and this cat was GONE. sat at the back door looking between it, us and the fence like “dude, do you know what they just said to me? open the freaking door man!” it took him 20 min to stop jumping at every noise in the house.
they just got your book in for me at B&N today! wooooot!

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Suzanne Schaffer - May 20, 2010

fantastic story! Poor Miller. I have to share this with my friends. 🙂

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A J Hawke - May 20, 2010

Thanks for sharing this adventure of Miller the cat.
It started my day off with a good laugh. So glad he
has such a good keeper. No telling what he would get
into without you.

A J Hawke

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ashley - May 20, 2010

“ever had a branch in your fuzzy gut?” you dont want to know…

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Jenny B Jones - May 20, 2010

Fuzzy GUT, Ashley. Not fuzzy upper lip.

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hannah - May 26, 2010

your cat is so lucky. similar story happened to my hamster back when i was in 2nd grade. he decided that once he got out of his cage he would jump off the ledge between two stair rails, falling 16 feet into a carpet. its a surprise he lived one year after that. all that we saw the next morning was a pile of spit-up hamster food on the carpet. i guess falling 16 feet can really make you spit up 🙂

im so glad your cat is okay. she will probably be dazed for a day or two.

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hannah - May 26, 2010

ooops i mean “he”

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Tori - May 28, 2010

You ever think of having him audition for lol catz? Those pics are lol worthy!!!!!

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Sarah - May 30, 2010

Oh my gosh this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen!! When i saw his face in the last one I cracked up for like five minutes.

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