Call Me, Glee

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For those of you watching Glee, did you see the finale? It was so good. Very little going on in the plot, but so much singing and dancing, I didn't even care. I will miss Sue Sylvester this summer. I like Glee a lot. I think it's improved so much since the first season. Sometimes it's a little too liberal and over the top for me. And sometimes it's a little too unrealistic, especially from a teacher's perspective. Occasionally things happen on there (like every episode) that just aren't possible in a public school. I've come to the realization that they need a consultant. Grey's Anatomy has medical consultants. So Glee, you need some educators on your team. And even though I'm really busy with teaching and writing, if you called, I suppose I could fit in some consulting. I suppose I could be lured away from the glamorous life of a freshman educator in Arkansas to do a little freelancing in L.A. And I would'nt need an entourage or anything. Or a gigantic trailer. A small one would do. With a personal assistant. And a makeup powder puff girl. And I would need a clothing allowance. But anything to keep this show real, right?

To show my good faith effort, I'm going to give Glee some bonus material. Here are a few items that I feel must be addressed. Errors in educational institutions, even fictional ones, are an insult to teachers, administrators, No Child Left Behind, and the remaining original cast of Sesame Street.

1. You don’t yell at your principal. You yell at your co-workers at lunch and hope they pass the message on.

2. Kids don’t raise money for wheel chair ramps. Schools get shut down for not having them.

3. Teachers do not kiss co-workers right in the hall. That’s what broom closets are for.

4. Pianists do not appear out of nowhere. Unless your school is in Vegas. Then maybe.

5. Principals have assistants. You must go through them to get to their offices. And they rule the school. And you want them to like you. No matter how many batches of Tollhouse it takes.

6. White 30-something teachers who break out in spontaneous dance are not revered. They are beaten up after school in the parking lot. At least that’s what I hear.

7. There is a curly-headed teacher mob. And if a Sue Sylvester harassed one of ours on a regular basis about his/her hair, they would deal with her ‘til the stripes fell off her track suit.

8. School clubs are not totally penniless and dependent on the charity of other organizations. Many clubs are positively rolling in the bucks, thanks to selling candy bars, seasonal fruit, Christmas cards, and Daddy’s prescription meds.

9. I don’t care who you are, if Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel the Big Hawaiian Guy doesn’t give you at least a few seconds of peace, you are undeniably dead on the inside.

10. Teachers do not have the power to kick other teachers out of classrooms. But janitors do.

11. You cannot just walk up to a hospital nursery and adopt yourself a baby. If that were true, I would’ve swapped out a few of my 1984 Cabbage Patch Kids a long time ago.

12. High school children…eat lunch.

13. There is not a secret waterfall that churns out endless slushies for teens to throw. Where a kid gets a slushie for seventh hour is beyond me. I usually can’t even find a working water fountain.

14. Inviting one single student to your house is the equivalent of inviting Hannibal Lecter to your dinner party. You are not going to survive this with your job. Or your scalp.

15. You cannot blackmail principals. If this were possible, my Honda would be sitting in the Teacher of the Year parking spot right now.

16. Most teachers do not get to wear jeans every day to work. And yes, if I had known this, I probably would’ve finished my marketing degree.

17. If you get bullied for wearing 8 inch Freddie Mercury platform boots to school, this teacher will not be taking up for you. You’re a walking liability and a blatant slap in the face to fashion.

18. As a teacher, you can’t just walk into your classroom and make up a random assignment for the day. No matter what my colleagues tell you about me.

19. A real teacher would not have one favorite student who dominated all the numbers. Unless it was Mercedes.

20. Teen girls who have babies on Friday do not return to school on Monday. Unless it’s popsicle day in the caf.

So Glee, there's plenty more where that came from. I'm licensed, I'm teachery, and I can write detention slips in my sleep. I'll be waiting for your call.

JEN

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 15 comments
Candace - June 9, 2010

Hahaaaaaaa I LOVED this post! Hey Jen, it’s worth a shot to pitch yourself to the show! GO FOR IT!!

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Tammy - June 9, 2010

Ha ha that was amazing!!! I love glee so much 🙂
but I totally agree with you on the points you brought up lol

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Abby Minard - June 9, 2010

Great points, Jenny! I remember the first time I watched Glee, I hated it because it seemed so unrealistic (this coming from someone whose favorite show ever is Buffy…go figure). I didn’t remember kids being that mean in school and the fact that there was no theatre department disturbed me (I was huge into theatre in high school). Now, I am totally in love with it, and just tell myself its a work of fiction and just to enjoy it, no matter how ridiculous some of it gets ;p I have to say I do love Kurt’s dad, and hope that all dad’s in his situation could be like that.

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Jenny B. Jones - June 9, 2010

Candace, I should totally get some 8×10 glossy head shots ready, eh? ; )

Tammy, I (usually) love the show too. They’ve had a great year.

Abby, oh, a moment of silence for Buffy. I miss that show. (minus the last 2 seasons of darkness and depression.) And I love the character of Kurt’s dad too. He’s so great. I love that he’s so blue collar and so unlike Kurt, but he’s totally got his kid’s back, even though he doesn’t even begin to understand him.

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Amy - June 9, 2010

Hmm….maybe I should come along and be your assistant. I mean, you will need someone awesome like me to attend to your needs. Oh, and I wanted to be their Christian consultant since they’re adding a new Christian character. Maybe we could share a really big trailer that echoes and has an in-ground pool. That’s what I’m thinking.

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Julie Jarnagin - June 9, 2010

Every week, I have to remind myself that it’s okay that it’s not realistic. I love Glee, but sometimes, I think the writers just get lazy. I’ll totally write you a letter of recommendation.

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eileen - June 9, 2010

wow I totally loved that! Could I come with you they could use help from a sweet teen lolz. That is such an awesome idea any calls yet?

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Brittanie - June 9, 2010

I love Glee and I so agree with you on all your points. I don’t teach right now but I am trained as one and I wonder at some of the things that happen on this show. 🙂

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Gina - June 10, 2010

Hehehe! Just got my netflix season 1 DVD. Hope to be caught by the end of summer! And hoping I don’t regret letting my teen son watch it!

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Kathy - June 10, 2010

Amy, they’re adding a new Christian character? Really? I haven’t heard about that… more details, please?

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Christa Allan - June 10, 2010

LOVED THIS!!! BTW—I’ll be happy to accompany you to the Glee as a consultant assistant.

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Cindy - June 12, 2010

I don’t watch GLEE but I so agree with your list of “errors” in the show! Maybe I will rent it this summer to catch up with you guys! And the Assistants in the office definitely run the school!

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Sarah - June 12, 2010

Haha-so true! I do love the show though and I agree it’s gotten better over the season. They always surprise me with where they go with the plot and I’m really excited for John Stamos to be on the show next season-love him!:)

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Leigh Moore - June 23, 2010

thank you for this post! I also love Glee, but I’ve gotten some heck for saying that out loud from some of the more conservative Moms down my neck o the woods. (They think it’s too racy & inappropriate.)

solidarity, sister! Even if it is totally unrealistic~ ;o)

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ugg classicol - August 2, 2010

why the teas in my eyes,becuse i love it so deeply.

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