Eight-Legged Terrorists

calebandkate
Congrats to Ken, winner of Cindy Matinusen Coloma's Caleb+Kate. Ken, you're gonna love it! (Just send your addy to jen at jennybjones dot com)

And good job those of you who signed up for the newsletter (which went out last Wednesday) and are sharing your prize-seeking answers. I'm loving reading about your summer plans. If you haven't signed up the newsletter where I give away stuff and share insider info, join now! You can sign up on the right on this page or on the Contact Me page. In this last newsletter I gave the answer to the questions, “Will there be a fourth Katie Parker book?” and “Will there be a fourth Bella Kirkwood book?” Not one second after sending the answer out, I get an email asking me the SAME thing. I've had four emails just like it since Wednesday. So join the club and get in the know for next time!

So. . .Mel Gibson. . . . That's all I want to say about that.

I don't enjoy the smell of Old Spice, but I do love most of the commercials. Old Spice and the Old Spice Guy (“I'm on a horse.”) got really clever last week and responded to a bunch of actual Old Spice tweets  via YouTube. This is one of my favorites.

And this one.

“Stop throwing pigeons.” I can't tell you how many times I've had to say that.

One of my oldest and dearest friends (emphasis on the OLD. As in OLDER than I) (Older than I just sounds stupid) just had a baby, sweet little Zenna Kate. This woman can take care of a newborn AND find the time to be funny. Check out her last email, and you'll see why we're friends.

My daughter needs a paci valet… someone who will simply stand nearby and put her paci back in her mouth when she shrieks because it
has fallen out. And if she would just take a nap I could jump in the shower for a couple minutes… I have something in my hair. I
think it's spit up. I could probably ignore it, but I have a doctor's appt today. I don't want to be the girl with spit up in her hair.

So what is Lilo trying to accomplish? There is NO way she is getting out of this jail sentence.. and she is going through lawyers Iike
Zenna goes through diapers! My big concern is that last night she was spotted with Sam Ronson… and we both know THAT can't be good. I
think they need to send that girl to an industrial strength rehab…
and maybe THEN to jail…
hey did you know that my daughter has the same bday as Prince William?

I did not know her daughter's birthday was the same As P-Dubs. That's almost as cool as having a birthday on Prince Harry's birthday.

So last summer I got bit by a spider and got poison ivy pretty much all on the same day while picking blackberries and trying to do good in the name of homemade cobbler. I spent a few months (MONTHS) having the skin plague as I had some sort of weirdo allergic reaction to everything going on. The bright side is, it made for a super cool show-n-tell project, and I was a hit at dinner parties. At least for a few minutes. After everyone felt burdened to tell me their spider bite, MRSA, staph horror stories, I finally broke down and went to the dr. Except I didn't see a dr, but a dr. replacement who took one look at the infestation and said, “Hmmm, I don't know. Do you want a shot in the butt?” Um, there are few reasons I'll get a shot in the butt, and “I don't know,” isn't one of them.  I walked away with my eyes rolling out of my head and my butt saying, “Thank you.”

Fast forward to this summer. On Monday something bit me. Given the fact that I live in a woodsy area, just perfect for the hiding of pervs and arachnids, I see a lot (A LOT) of spiders. I'm kind of to the point where I only kill about half of them. It's just a losing battle. The one I should've killed bit me, and now I have this wacky bite that looks odd and radiates heat like a Pepperoni Hot Pocket. So after about 5 days of it (and more scary stories and pictures sent my way), I break down and go to the doctor. (In hindsight, I guess if I didn't want to hear gruesome stories from others, I probably shouldn't have lifted up my shorts leg and said,  “Hey, wanna see this?” at every opportunity. Next time I'm only going to keep my skin plague manifestations to myself. And 75 of my closest friends.)

I had much better luck with this dr. visit. And even though the nurse's first words were, “Ughh,” I had an enjoyable experience. The doctor seemed to know what he was doing (meaning he didn't use the word “shot”) and we had a nice chat about spiders and the number you supposedly consume through your mouth over the course of your sleeping lifetime. (I bet I consume more!) Anyway, he prescribes stupid antibiotics (I'm not a fan. Can't everything be healed with iced tea and Mike and Ike's?) and he's like, “This has_____ ingredient in it. Are you allergic to anything?” And I'm like, “Nope! Just bugs and blackberry cobbler!”

One hour later I look like I have a freakish sunburn and I'm about to crawl out of my itchy skin. And do you know whose fault this is?
My mom's.
SHE'S the one who is allergic to stuff in antibiotics. NOT ME! But somehow it's finally rubbed off on me after all these years, just like her shoe obsession and fire cracker neurosis.

Okay, stop on back later in the week as I introduce one fabulous lady and her fabulous book. That lady would be super author Cara Putman, an individual who has never sent me oozing WebMD photos labeled “pre-amputation.”

Have a great day!

JEN


Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 3 comments
sheilasue - July 20, 2010

He’s right you know… Who’s the boss was pretty genius! Not as genius as Charles in Charge…but who’s keeping score?
I would suggest glue traps for your spider issues..but I don’t think that Miller + glue traps is a good combination 🙂

Reply
Amy - July 28, 2010

Dude i LUV Old Spice!!!! they r sooo funny in a pointless way. which is y i think tht ever1 likes them sooo much. 😉

Reply
ugg classicol - August 2, 2010

Ugh, I liked! So clear and positively.
Have a nice day

Reply

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