School Daze

Ugh. I had this whole post done Wednesday and then my computer froze and ate it. And then I cried and cried. Because it was brilliant. And would've had the Pulitzer committee knocking on my door. And possibly Orlando Bloom.

Not really. But still. Don't you hate when that happens? I think the fate of the free world will one day come down to one important moment…and then a computer will freeze.

Besides, Orlando and his lady are preggo. Because who in Hollywood DOESN'T get pregnant BEFORE they get married? It's a sad statement that I'm just impressed they went all old school and even got married at all. And I can also put Orlando on my “Probably Definitely Not Gay in L.A.” list which exists somewhere in my mind. Right next to the “Perfectly Annoying Places to Hum” list and “Why I Studied Rocks in College.”

The picture above is from 100 years ago when I taught drama. And those are my awesome kids in the second musical I forced on them. The first one was called Pom-Pom Zombies, and why it's not storming Broadway is still a mystery to me.I thought of those kids this week as I began yet another school year. It's always interesting (and by that I mean good twisted fun) to see the ninth graders on their first day in our gigantic high school. On this day, most kids bring their parents–they're required to.  I usually stand in the halls and smile a lot. Unless I see a kid struggling with a locker. Then I break eye contact. Because I always get asked for help with a locker combo, and in all these years, I've yet to open one. Why can't they ask me questions I know? Like where the best vending machines are. Or how much skin burn you get from sliding down the railing on the stairs. And when they ask you about their lockers, their parents are always standing there looking at you like they're judging your teaching proficiency by your inability to spin numbers on a dial. That look haunts me. And I never remember if it's right-left-right or left-right-left. I went to a school where we didn't lock our lockers. If Bubba Parsons wanted to steal my math binder and my contraband 40 oz glass of iced tea, then these were the high costs I paid for living on the MasterLock-less edge.

I remember I posted some fun videos on my blog post that got eaten. I can't remember any of them but this one.

That is seriously clever and beautiful on a lot of levels (poetry, art, word rhythm), but the high point for me was one single word. Chowdowners.

So (she says, stalling for lack of anything to talk about since her post evaporated) I've been working out this week. My friend Snow Loving Holly has finally convinced me to join her  in another town at 5 am three times a week so we can be up in the gym justa workin on our fidness.  From this experience, these are the things I know:

1. My body was not made to be up at 4:30.
2. It is creepy to drive back roads to neighboring town at 4:45.
3. Not much hygiene transpires between 4:30 and 4:45.
4. My bed head is stronger than our trainer's muscles.
5. We do boxing.
6. There is a woman in the class who throws punches like her last name is de la Hoya.
7. I never want to come upon this woman in a dark alley.
8. All I can think about the last 30 minutes of class are McDonalds Breakfast Burritos.
9. I pass just enough deer in the dark morning to make me and Blackie the Sedan check our seat belt.
10. I hit a deer once and then he disappeared as if Hermione Granger had waved her wand and said pretty Hogwarty words.
11. I have absolutely no brain power at 5 in the morning.
12. Our instructor told me to lift my left hand and I couldn't figure out which one he could possibly mean.
13. After that I seriously considered lying on the floor and giving up. What is this Advanced Placement Taebo?
14. Every morning when that alarm goes off, I just want to barf. And my whole body hurts. Why am I paying someone for torture? I could get it free by watching our town's public access channel.

I hope you have a great weekend. My cross-punches and I will be rested up and back on Monday.

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 8 comments
Mattie - August 19, 2010

I’m not a big fan of waking up early. It’s just icky. Which is saying something, considering I get the joy of waking up at 5:30 am every morning for high school. I get to be one if those freshmen who are completely lost ( but I don’t have a problem opening my locker. Forgeting my combination is a whole different story.. :])

Erin McFarland - August 19, 2010

Back to regularly scheduled blogging!!!! Woot! It’s kinda like in that movie You’ve Got Mail when she explains the excitement she feels when her computer says “You’ve Got Mail!” I do the same happy dance when my Google Reader lights up Jenny B Jones has a post. Anyways, kudos to you for the ungodly hour workouts! I put my workout clothes on in the morning and never seem to get to the actual working out part… secretly hoping that just having fitness clothes on will somehow tighten my glutes and tone my biceps.

Tammy - August 20, 2010

I HATE HATE waking up early…and my part time job that im working is making me wake up at 6 am…I feel physically sick when i get out of bed that early..I think it should be illegal to get up before 9am..but then again in my world alot of things would be different like the worlds major food groups would be candy, chips, pizza and pasta lol So maybe it is better that i dont rule the world

Shauna - August 20, 2010

Once upon a time, I took kickboxing on a regular basis. The teacher wasn’t any bigger than I am (5’2″) but had a six-pack (even after 3 kids!) and was a state kickboxing champ for her bracket. You wouldn’t see her on the street and think she could kick your butt, but you would be wrong. I’m proud to report that I only had to run out of the room and throw up during a workout once…but that was mostly because after that I made sure I didn’t eat anything before I went to class, what with all the jostling, running, and boxer leg lifts we had to do. Now all I can manage is the boxing game on Wii Fit.

Jenny B Jones - August 20, 2010

Shauna, a six pack after 3 kids is ridiculous. I’m glad that woman is a good testimony to the power of the short girl.

Tammy, I feel barfy at that hour too.

Oh, Erin, thank you!!! I LOOOOOOVE You’ve Got Mail.

Mattie, you’ll be a great freshman. No worries!

Olivia - August 21, 2010

I am SO glad I’m homeschooled!

6th grade, baby! Woooo!

Liv - August 22, 2010

Hey Jenny,
I was just wondering if
you have ever heard of it’s a Chri-
tian mix of Facebook a-
nd Youtube if you click
my website link it’ll
take you to the Skit
Guys’ page. They’re
Hilarious! Maybe You
can post some of their
videos on your blog!!!

Always providing(unwanted)info,

Abby Minard - August 26, 2010

I LOVE your drama picture! Brings me back to the old days of high school, where I was also forced into plays my drama coachs thought were just the best plays in the world! Fun times…

And oh man, the locker thing…I had a reacurring dream in college that still happens every once in a while, where I’d be back in high school. Several things would happen: First, I couldn’t remember how to get around the school- I didn’t know where my classes were, and when Iwent to check my schedule, I couldn’t find my schedule. So the bell is ringing, and I have no idea where I’m supposed to be. Second thing that happens, is all of a sudden I’m at my locker and I can’t remember my locker combination. Or I can’t remember where my locker actually is. I wander the halls while EVERYONE else in the school is merrily finding and opening their lockers while I am the only one that isnt. By the end of the dream, I don’t ever find my locker or know my combination, and I don’t ever find out what class I am in and whether I would fail the test I (of course) forgot to study for. Then poof, I’m awake. This dream occured about once a month for me FOR YEARS after I graduated high school. (It’s been 10 years, and only just in the past few years its’ begun to dwindle AND I actually found my locker combination in one of my dreams. I feel like that was a breakthrough).

Sorry to hijack the comments with the longest-comment-ever! Keep it up- the 4am wake ups won’t feel as bad very very soon!


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