My Charmed Life

Last week I made chili.
I don't love chili, but I like it. Especially if my cheese-to-chili ratio is in favor of the cheddar.
It's an easy thing to fix and it's gluten free. But it makes a ton, and I was about to barf on it by Wednesday.

This week.
I had a new recipe for some gluten-free, Paleo/Primal approved beef soup. There are a few ingredients I didn't have, so I go to Wal-Mart. We're classy here, so our Wal-Mart, has liquor. This soup called for red wine. I have no idea what to do with wine because it's all nasty to me, so I call my mom and ask her what I need to get.

“Are you standing in front of a display of the cheap stuff?” she asks.
“I dunno.”
“Are there leaves on the label?”
“Yes.”
“That's the cheap stuff.”
I looked. It was three bucks. I was already sold. “Seems okay to me.”
“You're not supposed to cook with a wine you wouldn't drink.”
Well, I think it all tastes like liquified ear wax, so I grab a bottle of the cheap red and carry on.

I spend TWO HOURS in the kitchen over this dang soup.
By the time I get to the wine portion of the recipe, I realize…I don't have a corkscrew.

So I fret about it for 10 minutes. I'm exhausted with the souping, and I just stand in my kitchen and occasionally close my eyes, then reopen, waiting for a corkscrew to materialize. Or a pizza delivery guy.
Neither happens.

Then I have a brilliant thought. “Google exists!”
I do a quick search, print off my instructions, then go to my tool box.
I grab a hammer, a 2 inch screw, and a screwdriver.
I move the cats to safety, put on my imaginary hazard goggles, and go to work. Five minutes later, I had the thing uncorked. I felt kinda smart. Like I almost called Mensa and asked to speak to MacGyver.

So I pour the stuff in, let it boil or simmer or whatnot.
Later, I try the soup.
It tasted like liquified earwax.

So I made more chili.