Despite the fact that I find ridiculous irony in the word “real” when connected to Housewives of Beverly Hills, I might've gotten sucked into this show one weekend. I was at home and the TV just popped on, and the remote seemed to have a mind of its own. There was a RHWBH marathon (otherwise known as the Bravo Channel) and before I knew it, three hours had passed. I'd never watched RHW. I'm not sure I will ever again. But it was an interesting way to avoid cleaning the litter box.
I tried to piece it all together, but I was a little lost on a few details.
First of all, Kim.
Kim, the child actress from 1970s Disney movies like Witch Mountain. Do you have ANY idea how famous she was to me back in the day? I used to gather my friends on the playground and make them play Witch Mountain. On alternating days we'd play Return to Witch Mountain. I had always wondered where that actress went to.
And apparently, that place is rehab.
Kyle. That's not her real name, is it? Is she somewhat normal? She seems normal. Which of course means she must drink Diet Coke through a straw up her nose and keep the skeletons of old maids in her basement.
And THEN I find out that not only is Kim from Witch Mountain (Kyle's friends think literally), but the sisters are sisters with Paris Hilton's mom? What kind of world is this?
Where does everyone's money come from?
These girls are one stress after another. And if they don't have stress, they make some up. Or drink some up.
I don't like drama. I live a drama free life, as evidenced by scintillating blog posts like “I drink Frappachinos real fast.” It stressed me out watching. These are the people you cut out of your life and love them from afar. With occasional prayers and those family Christmas letters everyone loves.
Older British lady snob? Joan Collins's illegetimate baby sister.
But then she ends up being unintentionally funny. And Joan Collins seems to be married to Don Imus. What do they do for work?
And then one of them gets her metaphors all mixed up. “I don't know why she's crawling up this tree.” Or “I call her the egg beater. All she's doing is stirring the eggs.”
Cheek implants are awful. Never get cheek implants. I don't know one person they look good on, and that includes rich “housewives” from BH.
Kyle's husband–I like him. Is he a tool and I didn't see it?
Kim needs a new hair dresser.
Recently I said to a friend, “Adrienne needs a new plastic surgeon.” Friend informs me Adrienne's husband is her plastic surgeon! Okay, so maybe she needs a new husband?
I like how she wears an evening dress, but her husband is all who he is–in jeans and tennies
Anyway, in one episode, they all go to Hawaii. Because they work so hard, they need a vacation. And fighting is prettier when you're near the beach. The beach they can only stare at. Because nobody can get in the ocean with their hair extensions.
Taylor's lips. Okay, I am not a face augmentation expert, but my gut says post-surgery, your lips shouldn't take up 3/4 of your face.
Kyle and Kim Kardashian both have a Cry Strategy. They cry very neatly. Into perfectly folded napkins, which seem to be conveniently available at just the right time.
Camille Grammar…what's her purpose? Is this what Kelsey Grammar asked his divorce attorney?
Everyone has toned arms. I hate them.
Finally, a few of them need to quit smoking so they don't sound like Wilford Brimley. With implants.
Anyone else watch this show? What do you think?
What's your guilty pleasure TV show?
Jen, I just found an article that says Adrienne doesn’t get plastic surgery from her own husband. But there’s no WAY that’s true. Why would you hire a plastic surgeon when you’ve got one you can use for free? Whatevs. I know too much about this.