Downton Abbey

This is nothing but spoilers, so if you haven't watched Sunday's episode, don't read a single word more.

Okay, I tweeted about this Monday morning, so forgive the repeat, but Matthew's skin was SO weird at the funeral/grave site. Red, glowing eyes, white, pasty skin. I was expecting him to sprout bat wings any second. Why is he always so pasty? I mean, I'M pasty! And he makes me look like Malibu Barbie.

I've said it before–I don't like how fast some things move on this show. And I get that screenplays have to skip some things and forward time. But some things don't work. Like Lavinia's death and Cora's return to life. I feel like we needed a moment for each–a moment where Cora turned a corner that we saw and a moment where Lavinia took a spiral down. Not, “Hey, Lavinia is doing badly. You might want to come to her room because she's going to be gone after 2 minutes of parting words, raspy breathing, and bad hair.”

And while I thought Lavinia was a cutie and kind of a 1900s Emma Stone, she was boring. We needed to either love her for some specific reasons (saving puppies, coloring Mrs. Crawley's hair, putting a whoopie cushion in O'Brien's chair) or dislike her. We needed a reason to either feel torn about wanting her with Matthew (I can't like her! I want Pasty Matty with Mary!) or we needed to enjoy disliking her because we knew Translucent Rabie Eyes was marrying a witch.

And Sybil's man. He's so unremarkable to me, I don't know his name. They have no chemistry. And if I'm going to marry a man who has no money, no title, no education, no prominent family, no way to support my 3-dresses-a-day habit, he better at least light my fire. And he has the roundest face. You cannot trust a man with a circular face. True story.

I was very glad that the Earl of Grantham did not get too crazy with the weird maid Sister Stares a Lot. I knew she was trouble. SUCH a good thing Cora Crawley got deathly sick and started bleeding out her nose, otherwise who knows what misconduct M'Lord would've gotten himself into. Although, that, too, was sort of sped through and not fully developed. Like the scar-faced Patrick storyline. (I'm your long-lost heir! Let's hang out, Edith! I love you, Edith! I have anger issues, Edith! Goodbye, Edith!) Where were the high risks? Why didn't someone of importance see the maid and Grantham together? I really, really expected them to get together and THAT to be where the next heir came from.

And Mary giving Bates and Anna her room for them to use on their wedding night. . .ew.
Pretty sure there are 100 empty bedrooms that could've been used. Like the one Mary's dead guy slept in. I think his dead season one germs are probably gone.

The maid with the illegitimate baby. Unless the grandparents steal the boy (you cannot trust the Kind Faced Wife of the Yelling Man Who Looks Like Dad From Mary Poppins), what purpose is this storyline serving? And how is this young mother surviving? I know Mrs. Hughes of the Many Keys on Her Belt is feeding her, but where is the woman getting money for her living expenses? I'm glad she told the grandparents no, but I think maybe that storyline is not finished. Or given the show's pattern of developing something then turning it into nothing, maybe it is. (You can do this in period pieces. Who cares about plot when everyone looks so pretty!)

Have you seen the Downton cast in real life?
Can you believe O'Brien? And Mrs. Hughes. And Thomas is actually cute.
And I just realized this weekend that Lord Grantham was in Nottinghill.  I wish THIS GUY from Nottinghill was in Downton.

That's my report on Downton.
Until next time when I have other complaints and suggestions for a mini-series which is obviously struggling without my assistance. If only they'd listen to me, I think they could be an international success…