I Got Your Back, Sandy
If my life were a movie right now it would titled Weird. Let me share one example (as I type with a cat sprawled across the keyboard).
So last weekend I went to the monthly Wal-Mart meeting for managers. Don't ask how I got in. It involves Ginsu knives, a low cut blouse, and one jumbo pack of sparklers. Anyway, Sandra Bullock was there. And a surprise guest–Jesse James. News of his alleged infidelity had not leaked out yet.
So Sandra is there to promote the DVD release of Blindside. She and her husband are on stage a short amount of time. She is skinnier in person than on camera. She's enviably funny and well-spoken and humble. He is quiet and not into the lime-light. The head dude of Wal-Mart/Sam's interviewed them, asking her about her Oscar, about their work together in New Orleans, and made them do the Wal-Mart cheer.
“This is my knee cap. The knee cap she will soon want to take a baseball bat to.”
So fast-forward to Thursday. I get home from school whistling a happy tune. (This is my blog. I can spin this however I want.) And there's an email in my Inbox from a supposed reporter from E! News telling me to call her asap. I ignore it. (But call everyone else I know.) I decide I'm not gonna say a word about the Wal-Mart meeting because over the last few days it's occurred to me that those of us there saw the couple in their last moment together before Mt. Infidelity erupted. And we have the last pictures as well. (Though all I've seen are like mine and hideous due to the awful lighting that is ALWAYS a problem at these meetings.) Anyway, I'm gonna ignore the email.
Then I sit down with my laptop on the couch and pull up Twitter. And there's a message from the same reporter to contact her. At this point, I check her out and make sure she's legit. She is. So I DM the woman and tell her that I hate to disappoint her, but I really didn't have any good info to share. She assures me that she just wants some basic facts. On the phone at this time is a friend telling me to at least hear the questions so we'd have something to talk about on our afternoon 3 mile walk. So in the name of friendship and fitness, I answered a few questions Twitter-style.
Me to reporter: Sorry to be a killjoy, but I don't really have anything to share. They joked onstage with each other and it appeared normal.
Reporter: No, that's great. I'm not looking for anything negative. What was the speech for? Were they happy? How long were they there? What were they joking about? U can be anonymous if you want.
Me: (Yes, anonymous. Because next time I see Sandra at the local McDonald's, I don't want her to snub me.) They were joking about these great books they'd been reading called I'm So Sure and Just Between You and Me. (I'm pretty sure I only said this in my mind. Really I typed…) They were there about 10-15 minutes. Promoting Blindside.
Reporter: Why? Who got to attend?
Me: Only really brilliant authors who are on the short list for the Pulitzer or Newbery…I was so sad my friend Nora Roberts couldn't make it. (Real answer…) It's their monthly sales meeting. Management associates are req'd to attend. Often stars r brought in to promo a product/release.
And that was it. And somehow that turned into this reference. And we're thinking possibly this one as well. I'm “a source!” I've never been a source before. It was slightly thrilling. Can I now say: Jenny Jones, Christian fiction author, previously featured in E! and TMZ? Honestly, I was really glad I hadn't posted a blog about it this past Monday because I would've had more to say about the meeting than this. Sandra and Jesse were really cool and funny, but there were a few things I noticed that my friends and I talked about later. And I'm glad I kept it to myself so that it's now not on E! like it came from some reliable source. Because me and my fiction-seeking brain (deprived and on a deadline no less)…not reliable.
As the reporter was asking questions I kept thinking to myself, “When I get married and my motorcycle making husband cheats on me with some tattoo model skank, would I want someone to say I was perky and funny upon last sighting? Yes, I would.” So that's what I said. Because she was. Mostly. It was some interesting people watching that day, I will say that. And if anyone wants to know more, they will have to woo me with Ben and Jerry's and the return of Gilmore Girls to prime time television.
When we wrapped it up, I told her to tell Joel McHale that two girls from Arkansas loved him. She promised me tickets to his show Soup next time I was in L.A.
Just had to come out of my self-imposed blog vacation and share. A big thanks to my friend Sheila for scouring the ‘net for my heart-hitting anonymous quotes. And for her final comment: “You know who is loving this news? Tiger Woods.”
See you next week. Unless the Enquirer calls next. Maybe now they'll believe me that Elvis is my neighbor.
JEN
