School’s In Session

(Me during pig dissection time, conducted by classrooms on either side of me.)

Thank you so much for the feedback on the prologue from Save the Date. I so appreciate it.

We are in the swing of school. In typical fashion for my district, we hired a new teacher or two for overflow last Friday, so some kids are now on their third schedule change. They are a little stressed. I had one approach me and say, “My schedule is changing.” Oh, I'm sorry, I said. “But. . .I don't want to leave.”  Awww! This is why I love ninth grade. If he had been a tenth grader he would've said, “Kiss it. I'm out of here.”  He was a keeper too. I have some great kids this semester. And by that, I mean their entertainment value is pretty high already. Here are some quotes I've collected.

Me: What is your least favorite vegetable?
Student: Okra
Me: Not even fried? (My Southern heart is insulted)
Student: No.
Me: But if you fry it, it takes the slime out.
Student: It's still hairy.

Student: Ms. Jones, he just called my mama fat. Can I punch him?
Me: Yes. (I thought they looked like a fair match.)

Student: Being a freshman is…pretty fresh.

Student: Ms. Jones, can you call me White Lightning?

Me: What is a movie you could watch over and over?
Male football playing student: Titanic.
Me: Really. Does it make you cry every time?
Student: “I'll never let you go!”

Me: I love Tyler Perry movies.
Male football playing student: When I was young, I thought Madea was a woman, and she was cute. And now. . .I feel disgusting inside.

(I assigned them a project to create a book cover decorated with items that represented their partner.)
Me: What is your book cover's catchy title?
Student: The Chihuahua Peed Everywhere

Student: I called my book Chrome AA12 Extended Mags FMJ because that's the gun my partner would use to kill killer bunnies.

Male student during show-n-tell presentation: This is my black angel. I would've gotten a white one, but the black one was much cuter.

Student's conclusion during show-n-tell (after being told the previous class BOMBED their conclusions): These are the things that represent me–the real Juan Miller. The one. . .who believes in America.

Student: Music today is horrible. I wish it would go back to like it was in the 80s or 90s. I wish. . . it would go back to funky town.

Student holding up book cover: My partner has a pet pig, but I can't draw, so it turned out more like…a small bison.

Information one student discovered and presented about his partner: I learned he'd rather swim in mustard than a bowl of tuna salad.

Every year I give a mock-quiz on myself as a less-threatening way to introduce their teacher. They make up answers and we share those. Here are some samples.

Me: Where did I graduate from?
Student 1: University of Awesome
Student 2: West Point

Me: What is an embarrassing moment I have from junior high?
Student 1: Your parents had a performance in front of the school–blue grass style.
Student 2: You got caught digging in your butt

Me: What are some of my hobbies?
Student 1: Eating nachos with a cup of Gatorade (ohhhhh, so close.)
Student 2: Kicking babies Student
3: Midnight vandalisms
Student 4: Reading, teaching, tattooing, and MMA fighting.

Me: What is my “other” job? And don't pick something that would make my mama cry.
Student 1: Eating competitions (ohhhhh, perchance to dream.)
Student 2: Milk tester
Student 3: Mime
Student 4: Fortune teller
Student 5: Spy
Student 6: President of China
Student 7: Stand-up comedian by day. . .assassin by night.

Me: What is my cat's name?
Student 1: Holy Steve
Student 2: Lil Roy
Student 3: Mr. Cuddles
Student 4: Snickers
Student 5: KitKat
Me: It's like you know me.
Student 6: Justin Bieber

There's more to come, but I don't want to overwhelm you with their awesomeness. Have a great weekend.